


Salt-Rose and Topaz

by TongueTiedRaven



Series: Love Sonnet XVII [2]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexuality, Boys In Love, Demisexuality, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manga & Anime, Possessive Behavior, Rin has self image issues, Rin's Demon Half, Soft Okumura Rin, Soft Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji, Suicidal Thoughts in chapter 11 and 13, Temporary Character Death, okumura rin is a dork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:48:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 78,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TongueTiedRaven/pseuds/TongueTiedRaven
Summary: Falling in love with Ryuuji was like finding a rose. The color admist the drab green was the first thing you noticed before the thorns hit you upside the head. Once you got past the thorns though, you saw the true beauty. The scent, the touch, the colors... The flower came alive and enraptured all the sense.And Rin didn't even like gardens. He liked Ryuuji though. He liked Ryuuji alot.
Relationships: Okumura Rin/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Series: Love Sonnet XVII [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974625
Comments: 162
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to the main story, [Between the Shadow and the Soul ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24101971/chapters/58017379). You can read the first chapter on it's own, but the chapters after that will spoil key events in the main story and won't make as much sense on it's own. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Rin had suffered a whirlwind of a year. And it was only  _ August _ . It had culminated in the last two days of utter insanity. He had fought a demon as big as the academy in a castle made of a disease cloud. He had rode his giant cat like a steed into some glorious battle while Ryuuji was tied up by said cat’s tail. It was all utterly ridiculous and so cool.

He’d  _ finally _ gotten a handle on his stupid flames and watched Ryuuji put up a barrier to protect the entire mountain like it wasn’t the most impressive thing ever. They’d all kicked ass. 

The punch had been a downer but he couldn’t really expect anything different. He’d figure out the shit with Yukio eventually. 

Today though, today had been  _ perfect _ . He’d felt like… like a teen. He’d hung out with his friends, he went to tourist attractions and weird old buildings. He’d tried a dozen different foods (he had some new recipes he needed to try) and he’d climbed to the top of Kyoto tower. Shit, it had been everything he wanted. 

Now he wanted a bath. It’d be a great end to the day. He was still a little stiff from the rapid healing and extensive use of his flames.

He felt bubbly and excited and wanted to bask in that fantastic sensation. 

Plus… well, he’d be lying if he said that spending time with Ryuuji wasn’t a factor in his decision. He’d take pretty much any chance to hang with Ryuuji.

Speaking of which, the heir of the Myōō Dharani was sitting in the bath with his wet hair hanging in his eyes and his head tilted back and damn it if he didn’t make even that look cool. He’d ditched the earrings for the bath (not that Rin was looking. He wasn’t but… well… Ryuuji’s earrings were noticeable. Who the hell was Rin kidding? Every damn thing about Ryuuji was noticeable) and Rin couldn’t miss the way he still looked kinda scuffed up from the battle the previous day.

He didn’t focus on that. Today had been about fun times. Yesterday had been for bad stuff. 

He dropped his belongings on the bench and noticed that Ryuuji had folded all of his clothes, even his socks. They were in a neat stack on top of a clean towel. It struck him as absurdly funny-he wasn’t sure why-and he laughed. 

Ryuuji jerked to alert at the sound and Rin jumped into the bath across from him. He spent a moment submerged, bubbles rushing around his face, and enjoyed the feeling. The rush of coolness over his skin, the brief sense of weightlessness, the muffling of his hearing and vision, they were all sensations he loved. 

He broke back out of the water with a splash and shook his head. Water went flying and his hair fell in his eyes. He pushed it away and flashed a smile at Ryuuji. Ryuuji who was staring at him with his mouth agape and a flush on his face. He wasn’t sure what would cause that but it was one of the few times he’d seen the teen look surprised. 

“Hey man!” He greeted with a smile that probably showed his fangs. He hoped it wasn’t off putting. They were too big and it was hard to do anything without being reminded of the dumb things. He’d chewed his lips bloody thousands of times without meaning to. He didn’t know how vampires handled them. They weren’t sexy. They were obnoxious.

Ryuuji huffed and crossed his (impressive) arms over his (impressive) chest. “What are you doing, Okumura?” He averted his eyes and stared at the water. Rin wasn’t sure what to make of that weird behavior. He hadn’t been sure what to make of a lot of Ryuuji’s recent behaviour.

(He couldn’t quite believe Ryuuji had trusted him. He’d stared him dead in the eye, smiled, and bet his life on  _ Rin. _ Like, what? How was he supposed to respond to that?)

He grabbed his washcloth and soap so he didn’t do something silly (like ogle Ryuuji’s muscles or his broad shoulders or his strong features) and started rubbing his arms and chest. 

“Shima told me the baths were open for everyone. I mentioned I was feelin’ a little stiff and Konekomaru told me that the warm water would probably help. They’d already taken their baths and Yukio wasn’t in the mood so I ended up here.” Konekomaru hadn’t been wrong either, the water already made his muscles feel better. He’d have to thank him later. 

(And he got to hang out with Ryuuji which was always a  _ big _ plus.)

He glanced up to ask the aria a question and found that, at some point, Ryuuji had lowered in the water so only the top of his head was exposed. His long hair was floating around his face in a brown and gold halo and,  _ fuck, _ Rin always wanted to know what those locks felt like. 

(Bad. Don’t get distracted.) 

Ryuuji lifted up enough that his lips were above the water line. “Do you typically invade other people’s baths?” He immediately ducked down again.

Rin shrugged to hide the way his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He should have thought this through. Just ‘cause Ryuuji had called him his friend (he’d had that playing on repeat in his head all day) didn’t mean that he got to act like Konekomaru or Shima. He was still weird, half demon, Rin. 

He smiled and lathered up his washcloth. “Shima said you wouldn’t mind and I didn’t feel like waiting.” He yawned and he could feel his tail flicking through the water with the movement. Hopefully they’d get a few more days like today before they had to go back to the academy. It had definitely been in his top five days of the year. (Not that there had been a lot of competition.) The tower had been every bit as awesome as he’d expected it to be. The rest of the day had been even better than that view.

(He was going to frame that picture and stick it on his desk. He didn’t care if Yukio thought it was silly.)

Ryuuji hadn’t said anything yet. He risked a quick glance and found Ryuuji was watching him with a strange expression. It was a little vacant but also intense. 

He’d done it again. His shoulders drooped. “You don’t mind, do ya?” He was an idiot. He was supposed to take this slow. He had to stop assuming things. The others might not want him dead but that didn’t mean they wanted to be all buddy buddy just yet. He had to show them he could be depended on. 

Ryuuji sat up a little and shook his head. It made his hair fly and sent little droplets of water through the air. The shaggy locks stuck to his face at odd angles but his (attractive) eyes were visible again. There was something… off. Rin’s nose was picking up a hint of something he didn’t recognize and, despite the fact that he liked the scent, it was making him nervous. 

He shouldn’t have done this. He’d gotten too excited about hanging out and just acted without thinking. Ryuuji had been shouting at him a few days ago for being the son of Satan. What was  _ wrong _ with him? He was such a fuck up. He’d barely gotten to the friend status and now he was invading Ryuuji’s private space and-fuck! All his demonic features were out there and obvious. His stupid ears. His stupid tail. His stupid teeth.

He was a damned idiot just like Yukio was always saying. Ryuuji too. He was a moron, an utter dumbass, and he was going to lose the friendship he’d just cemented. 

His entire body sagged a little. “Uh, sorry, man. I know you’re still not cool with what I am.” The water didn’t feel that relaxing anymore. It felt cold and kinda judging. There was nothing to hide behind. Everyone of his oddities was just out there.

Ryuuji sat up properly. “I don’t care that you’re the son of Satan.” The aria crossed his arms over his chest. He looked irritated. 

Rin frowned. That wasn’t the vibe he’d gotten. “What?”

Ryuuji shrugged and glared at the wall behind Rin. It was a boring tile wall so it felt like Ryuuji just didn’t want to look at him.

“You heard me. I don’t care about that. I was pissed that you didn’t tell us. I thought we were friends and then you pulled that shit.”

“I, uh.” Rin fidgeted and squeezed his washcloth. He rubbed it against his arm vigorously. He was guilty and cold. He hadn’t wanted to upset Ryuuji (or anyone) but he hadn’t really known what to do. There had been  _ so _ much at risk. He wasn’t supposed to tell and he, well, he hadn’t wanted to tell. He didn’t want them to look at him differently. He liked just being Rin around them. He hadn’t seen anyway that they could learn who he was without losing their friendship. He was Satan’s son. He was the bastard child of the dude that had ruined Ryuuji’s home and killed Konekomaru’s parents. 

He couldn’t stop fidgeting. “I never really did the friend thing before.” He could feel Ryuuji studying him and he wanted to shy away from the piercing gaze. Those brown eyes always saw too much and he just kept disappointing him. Ryuuji had lots of friends. He was popular (and so damn cool) and Rin hated that he kept making mistakes. 

Ryuuji continued staring him dead in the eye. “I know.”

He felt his tail lift in surprise. “Huh? How?!” He’d thought he’d done a decent job of acting confident. 

Ryuuji shrugged and turned his gaze to the tiled wall on his left. He looked uncomfortable. The strange scent was back in the air and a little stronger. He took a deep breath and felt his heart flutter. He really liked the scent.

“Far as I can tell Miwa, Shima, and I are the only ones who actually know how friends work.” Ryuuji laughed a little and loosened up some. “I mean, Kamiki has Paku but I’m not sure how she managed that ‘cause that girl doesn’t know how to talk to anyone.” Rin almost smiled at that. He had a feeling Izumo just didn’t bother ‘talking’ to Ryuuji. She liked to verbally spar with him too much. And damn it if Ryuuji didn’t always rise to the occasion. 

Still… “Shiemi-”

Ryuuji cut him off before he could make his point. “Shiemi lived in her garden until this year. She’s kind and has no idea how to make friends. She spent half this year following Kamiki around like a puppy.”

Damn it, he couldn’t argue with that. “I guess you’re right.” Ryuuji made it sound like it was to be expected that they were all odd. It made him feel kinda stupid for some reason. “Sorry.”

Ryuuji’s brow furrowed in confusion. “The hell you sorry for? S’not your fault you didn’t have a normal childhood.” (He was the son of Satan. He’d dragged Yukio into a bizarre childhood just by being born.) “Hell, none of us did. That’s why we’re here. I’m just lucky ‘cause I had Miwa and Shima.” Ryuuji spoke with confidence (like always) and it was just… cool. He’d find more words to describe it some day. 

More than that though, he spoke like Rin wasn’t some weirdo. 

“Uh, thanks.” Rin’s cheeks grew slightly pink and his tail twitched. He could feel Ryuuji observing him again (damn those distracting eyes) and he felt exposed. He was okay with being naked but he didn’t like the exposed feeling. He felt like he was behind on the conversation and missing something. “I’m not so good at this sort of thing.”

“What?” Ryuuji grunted and there was that irritated edge again. “Talkin? You do it all the time.”

That was almost a compliment. “You think?” He perked up and noticed Ryuuji’s gaze shift. Those brown eyes were staring at - shit. His tail. He caught hold of the fuzzy end and tried to stuff it away only to remember there wasn’t anywhere he could hide it.

“Dude,” Ryuuji huffed, “stop freakin’ out. So you’ve got a tail. Big deal. I’m mostly amazed none of us noticed it or the ears.”

Rin’s hands immediately flew to his ears. He started to cover them up but thought better of it. It’d look weak and silly and he didn’t want to look like that to Ryuuji. He grabbed his washcloth back up.

The strange scent was stronger. He couldn’t figure out what it was but he was really liking it. It was intoxicating. He glanced up to see if he could figure out the source and noticed that Ryuuji had a rather large welt on his abdomen. 

“Does that hurt?”

Ryuuji blinked like he was coming out of a daze. “Huh?” His voice sounded a little odd and now Rin was feeling confused. He shuffled a little closer. The intoxicating smell was thicker over here. (Was it Ryuuji? He’d only gotten a few chances to really figure out Ryuuji’s scent and it was warm, like prayer smoke and spice.) 

“Your chest? You’ve got a big bruise on it. What hit you?” Rin poked a spot on Ryuuji’s chest and the aria wheezed like Rin had just punched him. 

Ryuuji  _ blushed _ and glanced down at his chest like it was the first time he’d seen it. “I don’t know.” He answered a little breathlessly. Rin liked the sound more than he probably should. “Lot happened the other day.”

“Yeah. I’d probably look bad if I didn’t heal so quick.”

“Yeah.” Ryuuji’s blush darkened and he suddenly seemed nervous. He put a little space between them (damn it) and caught the edge of the tub. His muscles rippled as he hoisted himself out (fucking hell, he was gorgeous) and he picked his towel up. He wrapped it around his waist and turned back towards Rin like he hadn’t been trying to beat a hasty exit.

He looked nervous and Rin hated that. “I’ll, uh, talk to you later.” He motioned towards the exit, not quite meeting Rin’s eyes. “I gotta help my mom with some stuff.” 

Rin pasted on a bright smile he didn’t feel and tried for cheerful “Alright!” It came out almost giddy but he couldn’t really dial it back without making it obvious he was faking. “See you at dinner!” 

The alluring scent faded as Ryuuji left the room and the water was definitely cold now. He sank down so he was entirely submerged and wrapped his arms around his knees. He pressed his head against them and tried not to think. He focused on the chill of the water against his skin, the way it surrounded and closed him off from all the other senses. It made the continuous information feed calm down for a moment. 

The entire conversation played back in his head and he couldn’t get over how bizarre it had been. Ryuuji had seemed flustered and vaguely upset. He didn’t want to think it was his fault but it was hard not to. Ryuuji had looked relaxed before he’d arrived. Maybe he didn’t like bathing with other people? Or maybe he wasn’t cool with the whole Satan thing despite what he said. 

He popped out of the water and tried not to think about it. If he obsessed too much he’d do something to embarrass himself. Ryuuji was cool and out of his reach. He might accept the weird parts but that didn’t make Rin less weird. His eyes slipped close as the sounds and scents all flooded his senses once more. 

He hadn’t noticed the loudness as much a few minutes ago. It was easier when there were other people to talk to. Shiemi made it easy to ignore by making him laugh and smile. Shura distracted him with tasks and goals. Yukio was a toss up. Half the time he made Rin focused the other time he made him feel even more frantic. 

Ryuuji though… he always made Rin feel calmer. The noises and smells faded to the background and the excitement of bantering or fighting or playing was always so much more real than whatever else was going on. He made him feel in the moment. He loved that feeling. It was addicting.

He climbed out of the tub and went to his pile of clothes. The bath wasn’t fun alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII by Pablo Neruda


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers events from chapter 5, 6, and 7 of Between the Shadow and the Soul.

Rin.  _ Rin. _ Ryuuji had called him  _ Rin. _ It had been in a fight (would it have happened any other way?) but he’d called him by his name.

Okay. So Rin was doing a  _ horrible _ job of not falling for Ryuuji. It was like the heir of the Myōō Dharani wanted Rin to be crazy about him. Fuck, he so wanted that to be the case. 

Ryuuji was so effortlessly cool. He moved with utter confidence, something Rin hadn’t managed  _ before  _ he got all the demon features. Now his balance always felt off unless he had his tail out and then he was just self conscious. The appendage had a mind of its own and always wrapped around things. He was terrified he’d find it had wrapped itself around Ryuuji one of these days when he wasn’t looking.

It was stupid, so incredibly stupid, but the idea made him jealous. He wanted to wrap himself around Ryuuji. (He looked like he’d be  _ so _ warm. The few stolen touches he’d managed had cemented that fact in his mind.) He didn’t like the idea of his tail wrapping around Ryuuji without being aware of it. He wanted to be allowed that right and enjoy it. It didn’t have to be in a romantic way. He just wanted to cuddle.

It was all a problem. He’d thought Ryuuji was attractive from the moment he saw him. He’d learned more about the aria and damn it if that didn’t just make it all worse. However, Rin was cool (not like Ryuuji was cool) he could keep a lid on it and just bask in the fact that he was friends with Ryuuji. Because that was incredible in and of itself. 

Rin had enough friends that he needed two hands to count them. He couldn’t remember that ever happening. He’d barely managed to hang onto one or two friends in his life. Typically he’d start to feel really confident in the friendship and something would happen. He’d lose his temper and BAM! Friendship over. It got to the point where he basically stopped trying. 

And then, for whatever reason, he’d tried again. He’d fucked it up some but it had still worked out.

Anyway. He was trying to exorcise another ghost and trying  _ really _ hard not to think about the quickly approaching dinner. He didn’t want to eat with Mephisto, let alone eat alone with Mephisto. He hated dressing up and he hadn’t forgotten how horrible the breakfast Mephisto had served was. 

Ryuuji was leaning against the wall, his broad muscles stretching across his chest. Their uniform jacket was tight around his arms because he’d been bulking up all semester and probably didn’t have the money to buy a new uniform which was  _ so _ okay in Rin’s books. Fuck. It was perfect.

He promptly averted his eyes and strolled towards the wall the aria had propped himself against. Izumo was sitting on the sink and eying Ryuuji like she knew a secret. Shura was flipping through her phone, probably teasing Yukio and telling him that she was going to beat his team.

He settled into his spot and tried very hard not to make it obvious that his heart was doing a rock solo in his chest because he’d inadvertently pressed his arm againsts Ryuuji’s.

Izumo, who was the only one that had ever heard of the ghost, had not seen it. She was doing her  _ I’m not in the mood to talk to you peasants _ thing so he just stood there trying not to fidget and press closer to Ryuuji. Shura kept shooting him glances and if he saw her raise that dumb eyebrow one more time he was going to combust.

(It was the  _ worst _ that that was something that could actually happen. He’d die of embarrassment but his stupid healing would just bring him back to continue suffering.)

They all stood there, not talking, and not looking at each other. Rin’s entire body was twitching with pent up energy and  _ finally _ Shura jumped up to her feet and pocketed her phone. 

“Yuki just said the ghost appeared.” Shura sighed. “They’re in the bathroom on the other side of the wall,” She motioned towards the wall as if they didn’t know where it was, “so get ready.” Her eyes snapped to him and he tensed at alert. He could feel his tail flicking through the air and had to resist the urge to hide it away. “Do  _ not _ flame up.”

He nodded his head and couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Ryuuji. His eyes met the warm brown ones and his heart fluttered embarrassingly. The  _ heavenly _ scent he was beginning to associate with Ryuuji was thick in the air and mixing with the warm essence of prayer smoke. He couldn’t stop himself from breathing it in even as Ryuuji turned his eyes away. 

Renzou’s high pitched shriek tore through the room and made a spark of pain shoot through his head. Explosions echoed around and, as always, he had to repress the urge to cover his ears. 

“What the hell?” Shura grumbled as she pushed herself up again. “What are they doin-” she cut herself off as something tall, pale, and black, drifted through the wall to their right. It was only a few feet away and it was… gross. Like sludge you pulled out of the sink drain tangled with hair. She was tall and gangly like a puppet and moved with jerky movements as she floated through the wall. Her hair dragged behind her, covered her eyes, and was dripping water over the floor.

It was creepy and ugly but it wasn’t trying to make out with him so hey, that was a plus. He twisted away from the wall and planted himself in front of both the others. The screams from the other room were mixing with the numerous sounds in the room. The dripping of the faucet, everyone breathing, their heartbeats, the air conditioner, the people walking down the other hallway- it  _ never _ stopped.

He could hear Ryuuji immediately slide into a chant and the words washed over him. It was like a switch in his head flipped and the overwhelming sounds faded to the back. He could focus. He could do this. No flames. Easy-

She shot her  _ hair _ out like a wip and wrapped it around him. He lost the Koma sword to her (Shura would kill him after this) and almost got himself entangled to boot. He dodged out of the way only to see more of her hair sneaking after Ryuuji. He got between the aria and her and that was his damning moment. 

Her hair flew at his face, wrapping him up so he couldn’t see or  _ breathe _ . Ryuuji switched chants and Izumo shrieked at her familiars. Her hair gagged him and he choked as it flooded down his throat.

It was the strangest sensation. He was flailing and choking one second and the next everything was vaguely foggy and distant. He could hear himself laughing and feel his body moving. He couldn’t see anything but the black of her hair. He had no control of himself and it made his mind scream with panic.

He could feel his mouth moving and air leaving his lungs to form words. He wasn’t speaking them but they were coming out of him. Cruel things he would never say. 

“Look at you. Trying so hard to be a punk. Who do you think is going to notice you? You’re just a poor monk. You’ve got nothing on the others. All you do is study. You're so forgettable.”

Ryuuji!

He screamed in his mind and tried to move his body. He had no control and he could feel his features stretching into the demonic form. He couldn’t hurt Ryuuji-he couldn’t hurt any of them. No! His hands were extending and he just  _ knew _ it was Ryuuji the ghost was making him attack. The aria didn’t have any weapons. He needed them as weapons.

_ “Tayata Om Bekanze Bekanze Maha Bekanze Radza Samudgate Soha!” _

The words were faint but they cut through the fog of black and for a second he could breathe. His lungs expanded as his body was thrown back. Ryuuji’s scent filled his nose, along with Izumo and Shura. He couldn’t lose himself again. He pressed forward, trying desperately to reclaim his limbs. 

_ “If thy heart should falter, neither see nor hear nor speak, master thyself and obey etiquette to live in virtue!”  _

A painful spark shot through his entire body as Ryuuji shouted the aria at him. He reeled backwards into the wall and fell to his knees. He hacked violently, spit and  _ hair _ falling out of his mouth onto the floor. He gagged all the harder, his demonic features shifting as he regained control of his body. The fog receded as he coughed and he was hit with a pungent swell of sulfur and moldy, rancid, water. 

He glanced up, eyes blurry with tears and possibly hair, to see Ryuuji moving to stand in front of him. The aria stood tall, blocking him from the ghost as he sent sutra after sutra at her. Mike and Uke were darting around in a bright frenzy and he could barely breathe through the pain in his throat. He struggled to his feet right as the ghost shrieked and disintegrated. 

Shura clapped and stepped forward from the back. She had her sword out and was eyeing him with worry. He wanted to offer her a smile but he couldn’t quite make his face do what he wanted yet.

“You have got to learn some basic warding mantras!” Ryuuji growled and rounded on Rin. He jumped in surprise and felt a hot rush of shame mix with indignation. 

(It was his fault. He’d failed them and he could have hurt them!)

“Hey, I think I did-” he didn’t get a chance to finish his shitty excuse before Ryuuji was stomping towards him.

“You got possessed!” He snarled. He extended to his full height and towered over Rin with his extra two inches. Fucking  _ hell. _

“I, er,” Rin’s cheeks were turning pink as under the weight of that glare and that height difference he’d barely noticed. (Lies. Utter lies. He’d noticed. Boy oh boy had he noticed it.)

“Naumaku san mandra bazaradan kan.” Ryuuji growled in a way Rin had never heard him. He hadn’t been aware Ryuuji’s voice could hit that low pitch and shit, he was weak for it.

It was like every fantasy had come to life in front of him. He was crowded against a wall by  _ Ryuuji, _ who was chanting at him and, fuck, those brown eyes. Those gorgeous eyes were locked on him with anger and  _ worry _ . The scent of prayer smoke was thick in the air - thicker than that ugly ghost’s sulfur. It did things to his resolve and he was going to lose his mind. It was mixed with that intoxicating something that he wanted to bury his nose in. 

But it got  _ better _ . Ryuuji grabbed his hand and forced them into a shape that looked kind of like a triangle pointing. “Use this hand motion and memorize that chant!”

He had no control of his face and his memory skills were at a nil. He knew Ryuuji had said something to him but he’d be damned (he probably was anyway) if he remembered anything but the way Ryuuji’s eyes had been narrow and so intense. 

The intoxicating scent got thicker. 

Before he could properly appreciate how strong and calloused and  _ warm _ Ryuuji’s hands were, they were letting him go. Ryuuji was looking at Izumo and yelling at her and this was probably going to be his only chance to get a breath and fix the dizziness in his head. He had to have some warning before Ryuuji got in his space like that. He inhaled through his nose and ignored the way his throat hurt a little. His lungs expanded with air and his mind tried to kick into gear but gave it up as a bad job when Ryuuji looked back at him.

“Repeat it back to me, both of you!” The aria barked and Rin felt his body twitch in surprise. He lifted his hands a little higher and tried to remember the words he’d just heard Ryuuji growl. 

His voice was too breathy and he stuttered. He knew it was wrong but it was the closest he could remember. Ryuuji repeated the mantra and Rin tired again. He got it right on the third attempt. Izumo got it right on the first but she wasn’t reeling from Ryuuji being in her space.

“Good. Now if that fails you’ll need to do the symbol of the sword,” he put his hand in the proper shape, “and focus your will as you repeat the mantra.” He shook his head and dropped his head into his hand. Rin’s stomach twisted. He’d already annoyed him. “If we have to fight more ghosts you’re going to need this. I can write the mantra down if you need me to.”

A crazy idea popped in his head and he was pulling his phone out of his pocket before he could think it through. “Can I record you doing that?” His mouth blurted without leave of his brain. He could feel his cheeks heating up as he flipped his phone open. “It’ll help me with the motions and pronouncing.” He risked a glance at Ryuuji who was staring at his hands.

“Sure it will.” Izumo said with a smirk that was entirely too knowing. He’d forgotten she was here. His cheeks got hotter. He couldn’t believe she’d found his recording of Ryuuji chanting for their exams.

He promptly forgot all of that as Ryuuji nodded and brought his hands up. He fumbled to hit the record button and held the camera steady as Ryuuji started the chants. The aria closed his eyes as he repeated it twice. He moved his fingers to the second position and repeated the mantra twice more. He didn’t stutter over the pronunciation or hesitate in bringing the words to mind. He always knew the perfect aria for the occasion and, fuck, it was impressive to watch. 

Ryuuji’s eyes slipped open and Rin almost dropped his phone. “That good?” The aria asked in a low voice that did terrible (wonderful) things to Rin’s stomach. He saved the video, and didn’t realize he was biting his lip until he tasted blood.

“Miss Kirigakure," Izumo whined, "please tell me we can leave.” He saved the video to a new folder with his other recording and the picture of all of them at Kyoto Tower.

Shura snorted and flung an arm around Rin’s shoulder. He startled and looked over at her. She was staring at his phone screen with an upraised eyebrow. 

There was no controlling his blush. She tightened her grip on his shoulder so he couldn’t get away. 

“Yeah, you guys can go. Rin and I gotta hang back and chat about a few things though. Good job on the dispelling, Bon. Kamiki, tell your familiars to stop talking shit. You kicked ass.” She laughed loudly. “I’m so holding it over Yuki’s head that my team beat his.”

They both left the room and Rin tried to slip away from her grip.

“Hold it, kid.” She lifted his phone from his pocket and flipped it open. He hadn’t even felt her get a hold of it. She pressed a few buttons and Ryuuji’s voice filled the area between them. He scrambled to get a hold of his phone again. He could feel his flames flaring and couldn’t focus on reeling them in because he had to get his phone back. 

She laughed and tossed it back to him. “Well that explains the blushing.” 

“Shut up.” He muttered as he shoved the phone back in his pocket. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the wall. He didn’t want to hear about it. 

“Hey,” She tugged him around. “You okay? The ghost got you and I -”

He shrugged it off. “I’m fine. It wasn’t anything. I’d have gotten her if I could use my flames.”

“Rin?” Yukio rushed in with a scowl. “What are you doing? Come on! You have dinner in twenty-five minutes.”

That was at the  _ top _ of the list of shit he didn’t want to do.

\---------------------------------------------

Rin’s suit was uncomfortable and itchy and Mephisto served instant Ramen like that was acceptable. He was rich and he served  _ instant Ramen. _

None of which really mattered because he was no longer on death row! (He was  _ not _ thinking about the fact that he’d just dragged the entire group into taking the exorcist exam early. Even when he wasn’t trying he managed to fuck things up for them.) 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket as he exited Mephisto’s creepy house. He text Yukio the update and didn’t wait for a reply because his stupid twin was off on a stupid mission without him. He messaged Shura as well and that was when he realized Ryuuji had sent him a text before he’d gone into the dinner. 

_ Good luck with the clown.  _

He grinned embarrassingly wide and fumbled a quick reply asking where he was. 

_ Common room of our dorm. Full groups here. You okay? _

He shoved his phone in his pocket and grinned like a loon as he ran to his dorm. He changed out of the uncomfortable suit and threw on a t-shirt and slacks. He booked it across the promenade to the dorms and slid inside with a grin. He made his way to the common room and took in the room as quickly as he could. Konekomaru and Renzou were on a couch with Shiemi in front of a coffee table they’d put a board game on top of. Izumo was flipping through a magazine on the floor.

Ryuuji was on a couch by himself and the only one who seemed to notice he was in the room. He couldn’t stop his overly large smile. He plopped into the seat beside Bon and tried to ignore the way his tail was wagging. He waited all of a second before the words were bursting giddily out of him. 

“My execution has been put on hold!” 

Ryuuji’s lips lifted up before his entire face twisted into irritation. “On hold?

His tail stilled in the air. “Yeah. They’re not actively considering it right now. They’re going to wait until they know how the Exam goes.”

“Huh?” Shiemi asked with a confused frown. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh!” He’d completely forgotten to tell any of them. He’d told Ryuuji because he couldn’t quite stop himself and he’d kind of just assumed they’d know as well. “I had dinner with Mephisto tonight.”

Renzou’s nose crinkled. “Ew.”

He grinned. “Yeah.” He turned his gaze back on Ryuuji who was already looking at him. He could feel his grin getting larger and his teeth would be showing before much longer. “We ate instant ramen, by the way.”

Ryuuji laughed loudly and brightly and Rin drank the sound in. All the lines of Ryuuji’s face softened when he laughed.

“What else did you find out?” Konekomaru asked while Ryuuji got control of himself. 

Rin forced himself to break eye contact and ignored the way his stomach churned. His tail stopped wagging and dropped to the floor. He curled in on himself and stared at the table.

“I’m sorry, guys.” He murmured. He’d failed them and dragged them all into his shit. He was a fuck-up and couldn’t even be a freak right. He had to drag everyone into his punishments. 

Shiemi leaned towards him with concerned eyes. “Why?” 

He didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to make them part of his shit. “We’ve got until the end of the semester to complete the exam. They’re going to put us on an advanced course.” 

Ryuuji shifted at his side. “‘M pretty sure we got on the advanced course when we wound up in the middle of the Impure King fight.” He couldn’t quite find the courage to look at him. “This just means we’ll have to help each other out a little more. We can’t risk falling behind anywhere.” 

Rin was already behind and the semester hadn’t even started. He’d forgotten the basics during the earlier fight. He’d let himself get possessed and he’d almost hurt his friends. He was leagues behind all of them in general demon knowledge. He didn’t have a shot at any of this. Be the next Paladin? Who was he kidding? He’d be lucky to graduate at this rate.

“I can help with Demon Pharmaceuticals.” Shiemi offered. “I’m not really good at any of the other stuff.” His eyes shot to her and found that she was smiling at him. Her green eyes were bright and confident and not disappointed. She wasn’t pitying him or looking at him like he was an utter idiot. She was there to help him. She wanted to help him. 

Konekomaru straightened abruptly. “Do they expect you to graduate early in the high school portion?” He looked horrified at the thought.

Rin shook his head quickly. He didn’t like how worried his friend looked. “No. They don’t care about that part.” 

Konekomaru’s entire body slumped in relief. He leaned against Renzou who looked surprised by Konekomaru’s reaction. “Thank god. I don’t know if we could have done that with so little time.”

Rin felt his entire face flush with embarrassment and he curled into himself. His tail tucked itself against his leg. He knew he wasn’t great at school and that everyone in class was aware of his stupidity but… Well, he didn’t like it just being out there. He’d have been screwed if the Vatican had required him to complete high school as well as the exam and everyone knew it. There was no pretending otherwise. He was too stupid-

Ryuuji elbowed him. “Cut that out. None of us could pass the exams for high school and cram in three months. If the dead line was for that then we’d just have to take the hit to get you through.”

He spoke like what he said wasn’t a big deal. Like Ryuuji  _ I-get-up-at-five-to-exercise-and-study _ hadn’t just offered to fail a term of school so Rin could pass his. 

He couldn’t hold the question back. “You’d fail?”

Ryuuji’s gaze was serious and certain. “Yeah,” he said slowly, like it was really,  _ really _ , important that Rin got this, “our lives aren’t on the line. That’s like the bare minimum we could do.” He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “We’re here for you.”

Rin’s mouth opened but no sound came open. He clicked it shut again and his eyes darted down to his lap. He couldn’t keep them there. He glanced back up and felt his tail moving before he could actively stop the appendage. It draped itself over Ryuuji’s broad shoulder. 

Ryuuji’s entire body shivered - Rin could feel it through his tail and shit, that was an experience- and his brown eyes shot to examine the tail that had perched on top of his shoulder. Rin could feel his own face burning but he was powerless to stop it and promptly forgot about it when Ryuuji’s cheeks flushed. He inhaled sharply, breathing in the warm, intoxicating scent that was Ryuuji.

He couldn’t look away. He was caught in the aria’s gaze. He hadn’t noticed how many shades of brown were mixed in Ryuuji’s eyes. It wasn’t quite the color of chocolate, and it was darker than honey. They fell somewhere in between. 

“I can help with the Aria classes.” Ryuuji blurted and averted his eyes. 

Rin inhaled again, his mind clearing a little and reminding him he was still surrounded by other people. His friends. They were all here. 

Izumo glanced up at him as she turned a page of her magazine. “I’m good with the Grimoire class.”

Konekomaru straightened. “I’m rather knowledgeable with Exorcist History.” He offered. 

Renzou hummed thoughtfully and stared up at the ceiling. He finally shrugged. “I’m not fantastic or anything but I can help with Demon Anatomy.”

“We can all pitch in for Demonology and Anti-Demonism.” Izumo added after a moment. Rin couldn’t breathe at the enormity of what they were offering. They were gathering around to help and he hadn’t even had to ask. They’d just offered it. They weren’t judging or belittling him. He didn’t know what to say to all of it. Yukio had always helped him but that had always felt a little like pity and obligation. He was Yukio’s dumb twin. He had kept him safe when they were kids and that was Yukio’s way of paying him back.

This… This was overwhelming.

He had to swallow twice to find words. “I’ll try real hard.” He promised. 

“We can go over the last assignments we had before break.” Konekomaru offered with an easy smile like they hadn’t done something incredible for Rin. “That way you’ll know where we were. We only have to complete one more exorcism of the ten that Mephisto assigned us before the semester starts. We should have plenty of time for that.” He nodded as if he was satisfied with his plan. “Yes we’ll beat it tomorrow and that will be the last of the three.” 

Ryuuji straightened a little but not enough to dislodge Rin’s tail. “As a group.” He added. “We’re not doing that split the team thing again.” 

Konekomaru nodded and pushed his glasses back up his nose. “We need to rework a few things but I would agree that we’re stronger together.”

“Speak for yourselves. Our half of the group did just fine.” Izumo teased as she sat up and put her magazine to the side. She motioned towards the board game. “Are you going to start another round or what? Deal Rin and me in.” 

Renzou smirked fondly. “Yeah. We’re going to start another round.” 

Ryuuji didn’t mention his tail and Rin didn’t move it.

That night he climbed into his bed and pulled out his phone. He grabbed a pair of headphones and pulled up the new video. He saved it to his cloud storage so it wouldn’t get lost and put it on repeat. He stuck the earbuds in his ears and laid back as Ryuuji’s steady voice filled his head. He should probably be embarrassed about using the soothing sounds as a kind of lullaby but he justified it as studying. Ryuuji had told him to learn the chant and he was going to memorize it by heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to cover everything that happened in BTSATS but I'm going to try and cover the key Rin moments :) if there's anything you'd like to see, let me know.


	3. Chapter 3

Rin was nothing if not optimistic. Stupidly so. Bizarrely so. Whatever. He had lived a weird enough life to know that good things  _ could _ happen even if they typically didn’t. At the very least good things could be found around bad things. 

So he lost all the one-on-one time with his friends because the semester started  _ but _ he gained a new friend in Godain. He lost free time because of homework  _ but _ he got to spend pretty much every evening with his friends trying to get through the obscene amount of stuff.

There was a lot of reading  _ but _ Konekomaru noticed and pointed out that he was a kinesthetic (whatever that was) learner. That meant he got to wiggle and move to his heart's content and, in a  _ really _ weird way, it became easier to learn what was going on. 

He didn’t get to read his manga whenever he wanted  _ but _ (and this was the best but) he got to sit next to Ryuuji for each study session.

Rin was like 78% sure that he was not imagining the way Ryuuji’s eyes kept darting towards him. He was about 68% sure the studious aria had been staring at him more often since Kyoto. He was about 58% sure Ryuuji had been looking for more opportunities to interact with him. He’d done the math as well as he could and he was somewhere above 40% confident that he wasn’t hyperfixating on moments that didn’t actually mean anything.

He was getting the vibe that maybe, just maybe, Ryuuji might be into him. 

It was a thought that always made him stop and stare at whatever happened to be in his field of vision for about two to ten minutes while he picked the past month of interactions apart. It was crazy and he wanted it to be real. 

He just… He really liked Ryuuji. He’d thought he was awesome from the moment he’d seen him brooding in the back of the class. His first thought had been ‘cool’ his second thought had been ‘hot.’ That thought had promptly been followed by an irritating blush. They’d clashed in class and fuck, it had been exhilirating in the best ways.

He knew him better now. He wasn’t just a punk. He wasn’t really a punk at all. He was a nerd and a  _ loyal _ friend. He was responsible (annoyingly so sometimes) and bold. He was kind and easily embarrassed and damn it all, Rin really wanted him. 

Everytime he told himself no, Ryuuji did something and drew Rin right back in. The only real question he had was if Ryuuji was actually into guys. He’d never seen Ryuuji flirt with anyone. (He was pretty sure they’d flirted with each other but he could totally be imagining it all.) There was a  _ very _ real possibility that the teen was straight and Rin was projecting.

None of it mattered right now anyway. He was exhausted and his brain had turned itself stubbornly off. It didn’t care that he could rock side to side without anyone commenting on it. It had checked out of the dullness that was pharmaceuticals homework. 

“You know,” Ryuuji muttered and Rin’s brain perked up, “If you weren’t related to Okumura sensei I think I’d kill him.”

Rin grinned against his arm. He’d slumped over onto his papers and books and he was grateful that his arms hid his face right now. He had to look ridiculous. 

He got control of himself somehow and swallowed. “Stupid four eyed mole face.” He muttered a few insults for his brother and promised himself he’d tell Yukio to cool it. 

Shiemi fidgeted next to him and he grinned against his arm again. Like clockwork, she responded in his twin’s defense. He was doing a poor job of hiding his crush but Shiemi was hopeless. Rin had no idea how his twin didn’t realize she was smitten. It was a good thing he’d moved on because he’d never stood a real chance there.

Izumo dropped a book on the table loudly enough to make him flinch and grit his jaw. The sound rang around in his head.

“He’s probably trying to prove some stupid point.” She snarled. Rin swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut to try and stop the ringing as Shiemi shuffled her papers. (Why was everything so damn loud all the time?)

“That he’s an ass?” Ryuuji asked with a huff. Rin felt him shifting and almost looked. “Who still has pages?”

Rin raised his hand and didn’t lift his head. He didn’t want to be the only one not finished. He could hear the others shifting and that made him pop his head up. Izumo had gone to Shiemi’s aid and Konekomaru went to help Renzou. That put him with Ryuuji. He could feel his tail thump at the realization.

“Have you noticed Sensei hasn’t spent additional time with us since we got back from Kyoto?” Konekomaru commented while Ryuuji gathered Rin’s stuff into a neater pile. Rin moved to help and unintentionally brushed his fingers against Ryuuji’s. His tail shot to attention and his cheeks heated up traitorously. Ryuuji’s entire body twitched and he dropped the paper. Rin snatched it up before it could fall back. He set it down with the others and tried not to flail. 

He had to focus on the task at hand. He couldn’t look like an idiot in front of Ryuuji. 

“I think I’ve got the descriptions right but I’m drawing a blank on the essay section.” He explained as his tail dropped on the table and knocked his pencil aside. Ryuuji’s hand shot out to right it and brushed against his tail like it wasn’t a weird addition. 

Renzou leaned towards Izumo with a mischievous smile. “Are you going to the Festival?” 

The alluring scent that sometimes hung around Ryuuji filtered into the air. Rin breathed it in and felt his tail thump happily. He wanted to bask in that smell. There was nothing quite like it. Musky and spicy and strong… Fuck, it was quickly becoming one of his favorite things.

“No.” Izumo drawled. 

Renzou did not give up. His grin broadened. “I was hoping we could go together.” 

Every part of Rin tensed. He’d been trying to get the courage to ask Ryuuji that question for at least a week now and Renzou just made it a throw away question. Where did he get the confidence for that? How did it not affect their interactions? How did it not make things weird?

Ryuuji grabbed the text book off the table and Rin’s eyes were drawn to the movement. He realized he was sitting stiffly and tried to make himself loosen up. He couldn’t do it. 

Ryuuji inhaled like he was tired. “Okay… You were assigned-” Ryuuji leaned into his space to see what was written on his essay page. Rin handled it like a champ and didn’t do anything embarrassing like lean forward and inhale his friend’s scent. “St. John’s Wort?”

“Yep!” He croaked. He swallowed in embarrassment and snatched his pencil up so he’d have something to fiddle with. His tail was twitching on the table. 

“What do you know about it?” Ryuuji asked in a soft, even voice like the others weren’t around. Rin focused on it and tried to remember what he knew about the herb. He glanced at the words and it clicked in his brain. Shiemi had given him some a while ago. He’d used it during the not good time after everyone learned he was the son of Satan. 

He tried to come off as casual. “It’s an antidepressant.” He fidgeted with the pencil and avoided eye contact. “You can drink it in a tea form. It’s supposed to help with anxiety and stuff.”

It hadn’t really made much of a difference for him. If anything, it had made everything worse. It reminded him of Shiemi and how she looked scared whenever he was around. 

(He hated remembering those days. The scent of their fear had been thick in the air. It had almost choked him.)

Ryuuji hummed thoughtfully and jotted it down on a new piece of paper. “That’s a good start.” He encouraged. He passed the book over and Rin took it with a slight flutter of butterflies. 

Ryuuji turned his attention back to the paper. “Use the index to find the right page. It should be in the three hundreds but I could be wrong.”

Rin could not believe how attractive he found that nerdy piece of knowledge. Ryuuji had a mind like a steel trap. Nothing got out of it. He had no idea how he could just recall stuff like that as if it was nothing. He was crazy smart. Like, Yukio smart. He didn’t have to do any of this to pass. He probably didn’t have to put the effort into studying that he did in order to pass. It probably wouldn’t occur to the aria to do anything else though. He was too dedicated to think of cutting corners.

Renzou huffed. “Is anyone going to the festival then?” 

Rin’s tail rose to excited attention. This could be a potential in. “I am. I never went to any in middle school.”

The alluring scent mingling with Ryuuji’s evaporated as Shima leaned forward to prop his elbows on his knees. A hint of fear filtered through the air. Rin’s nose twitched.

“Planning on asking anyone?” Shima asked casually. 

Bastard. He was the only one of the trio that knew Rin was bi. He’d probably put the pieces together and knew Rin was into Ryuuji. Shiemi certainly did and she was trying to look encouraging while also looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

He avoided all their eyes and tried to find the courage that had seen him wildly leaping after the Impure King. 

“Kind of?” The scent of fear was thickening. He hated that scent. He couldn’t figure out what was causing it or who it was coming from. He soldiered on and tried not to focus on the smell or his own twisting stomach. “I’m not sure if … I don’t know if they like me. I mean, I think they do but… it’s kinda hard to tell?”

Renzou shrugged and offered him an encouraging smile. “So ask them.” The way he said it cemented the fact to Rin. Renzou knew he liked Ryuuji.

Did that mean he thought Ryuuji would say yes?

Would Renzou know?

He glanced between the others. “I don’t want to make ‘em mad if they’re like, not interested.” 

Konekomaru frowned thoughtfully. “Do people get upset to be asked out?” He tapped his chin and glanced upwards. “I’ve never been upset even if I didn’t like the girl.” 

Well… No time like the present. Might as well blow the thing wide open and gage the reactions before he put himself all the way out there. They didn’t reject him for being a halfling. (Well, not for long. It wasn’t’ that he was a halfling. It was because of the whole Satan thing.) 

He gripped his pants for courage and looked at the table. “It’s a guy.” 

Izumo sighed like she was bored. “So?” His eyes darted up to her. She looked utterly indifferent to the conversation. It wasn’t a reaction he’d expected. “That doesn’t give him any more of a right to be a jerk about being asked. As long as you accept no as an answer I don’t see any problem with asking.”

His mouth popped open in shock.

Konekomaru nodded like he hadn’t expected anything less. “You’re a great guy, Okumura,” He smiled sincerely and Rin’s heart was going to pound its way out of his chest. He hadn’t expected it to go like this. He knew they were great but he hadn’t expected to be so readily supported. 

Konekomaru leaned forward a little, his eyes intent. “Go for it.” 

There wasn’t likely to be a better moment. He swallowed and darted his eyes to Ryuuji who was sitting very stiffly.

Ryuuji hadn’t said anything. Did he have an opinion on it all? Didn’t matter, Rin’s mouth was already popping open and words were pouring out.

“So, Suguro, what do you say?” Hardly the most romantic way to ask someone out. He probably should have thought that through a little more. He’d fantasised about asking Ryuuji out enough that you’d think he’d have come up with something better. 

Ryuuji stiffened. He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and glared at the table. “I don’t have time for this shit.” He snapped and Rin’s stomach dropped to the floor. “Why should I give a fuck who you ask out? Just don’t let it interfere with your schoolwork.”

There was a moment of utter blankness. His mind stopped processing for a second in embarrassment and heartbreak and possible fear because Ryuuji had sounded angry and even disgusted. There was no going back after something like that. Not only did he not want to go to the festival he sounded repulsed by the mere thought. Rin had misread the signals because he was a fucking moron. He’d misread it all. 

He could feel his features shifting and that was a pretty good sign he needed to get the hell out of here before he did something he regretted and gave anymore of himself away.

He stuttered something out to the group and shot up. He grabbed his sword (Shura would be proud) and bolted from the room like it was on fire.

He could hear someone calling after him and he made it to the end of the hall before he realized it was Shiemi and she was crying. She caught him as he stalled and pulled him into a tight embrace.

He knew his features had shifted into the demonic form and that he’d look like a freak. She didn’t seem to care though.

“I’m so sorry!”

He laughed derisively. “Don’t be. I’m fine. Nothing to be upset about. No big deal. I know how he feels. It was silly to-”

Shiemi shook her head and squeezed tighter. “No! Stop saying things like that! It was rude and mean and I know he misunderstood somehow!” 

He wanted to cry but he couldn’t. He’d been crazy to think he stood a chance. He was the son of Satan. He was a freak of nature and that bastard’s blood was in his veins. The bastard who had destroyed Ryuuji’s temple and family and heritage was his  _ father. _ Fuck. No matter he’d disgusted Ryuuji. Homophobia aside what kind of moron thought someone could just forgive all that? 

“You’re not him.” Shiemi assured. Her small hands clutched at the back of his uniform jacket, jostling his sword. “Father Fujimoto was your dad, not him.”

He hadn’t realized he was blabbering. There were too many raw emotions swirling around in his head and squeezing his heart. He couldn’t deal with any of this. Not here. He needed to be somewhere safe. He could feel the damned anger rising. Every time,  _ every damned time _ he got upset or heart breakingly sad, the anger came. Ever since he could remember that fucking anger had been there. He understood it’s origin a little now but he didn’t want her to see him like that.

“You know I’m not scared.” Shiemi pointed out. He had to get his brain to mouth filter back on. She pulled back so she could look at his eyes. Her’s were wet with tears. “You won’t hurt us.” She squeezed him tight enough to hurt a normal person and released his chest but caught his hands. “What do you need right now?”

He tried to plaster on a smile and figured it was 50/50 on whether or not it worked. He needed to let his flames out. He could feel them pressing against his skin with the rising anger.

“I, uh, gotta get alone.” She nodded like that was what she’d expected to hear. 

“Where’s Yukio?”

“He’ll still be in his office.” 

“Want me to delay him?”

He nodded without meeting her eyes. Yukio would yell and call him ridiculous. He’d been glaring whenever Rin mentioned Ryuuji anyway. He’d probably say ‘I told you so’ and ‘you know you cannot just have a normal relationship, Rin. Grow up.’

He didn’t need that right now. He wanted to go cook his woes away and drown his embarrassment with loud music.

She squeezed his hands. “Okay. Go ahead. I’ll distract him.”

At least his brother would have a happy night. He stepped away from Shiemi and trudged down the hallway. He could hear voices of people going about their lives and he put a bit more speed into his walk. He broke into a full run by the time he got outside and he was at his own dorm a few minutes later. 

Kuro was wandering the halls and immediately bounded towards him with an excited yowl. He stopped abruptly and sniffed the air suspiciously.

“Rin?”

He shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You smell sad.”

“Don’t wanna talk.” He dropped his gear by the door and went towards the kitchen with Kuro trailing after him. He could hear the sidhe sniffing the air and just knew the cat was trying to decipher who all he’d been hanging out with. He shoved open the kitchen door and saw Ukobach organizing the spices again.

The demon tilted his head and frowned. Rin huffed out an exasperated breath. 

"You smell like friends." Kuro pointed out. 

Rin went to the fridge and spent a few minutes staring at the fridge as he tried to decide what to make. He wanted something comforting. He had a fairly full stock so… Curry it was. He shut the fridge and went to the island. He pulled a pot down, stuck it on the stove, cranked the heat up, and did not look back at the demons in the room. He grabbed an onion from the stack, tossing it between his hands restlessly. Ukobach passed him a knife. Both the familiars were staring at him.

"If I talk will you drop it?"

Kuro purred his agreement. 

Rin cut the ends of the onion and tossed the peel. “I, uh, told him.”

“Told who?”

“Ryuuji.”

Kuro jumped up on the counter and ignored Ukobach’s grumble of discontent. “What’d he do?”

He cut into the onion and diced it with rough strokes. His flames were pushing at his skin and he just wanted to let it all out. He wasn’t confident in his control right now. 

“Short story? He’s not interested.” He tossed a handful of onions into the pan and added some oil. He laughed but it sounded wet. “Don’t know why I thought he would be.” Rin stirred the onions around and tried not to think. It was normally easy. He’d stir his vegetables and all his busy thoughts would fade away. Not here. Not now. 

“Rin!” Kuro hissed. He ignored the sidhe.

“I mean, it was stupid to ask. It’s a school festival. He’s probably already been asked. Half the class is interested. If they’re not chasing Yukio they’re after him.” Ukobach grunted his disagreement.

“Nah, it’s true. I shouldn’t have done anything. I should have kept my big mouth shut.” He tossed the onions again and moved across the kitchen with quick, agitated steps. He didn’t want to talk about this. “We were  _ finally _ getting along.”

He plucked an apple out of the bowl and snagged the grater from it’s shelf. Ukobach sat beside him and pulled the stem off his apple while he got the board. 

“He’s an idiot!” Kuro declared vehemently. The sidhe was growing larger.

“It’s my fault. I was stupid and asked in front of everyone. I did it to myself like a fucking moron.” It was Renzou’s fault as well. He’d given Rin false confidence. 

Fuck. What was he going to do about the study group? Would they still meet? He could probably play it off as a friend thing. Not well but he’d be able to come up with some kind of shitty excuse. Shiemi would probably back him up on whatever he said. She was loyal like that.

He grabbed the apple and started grating it. He tried to hold onto the frustration but it kept slipping away to sadness. 

“I just…” He huffed out a breath. “I really like him, ya know?” He flipped the apple around to grate the other side. “I asked him to the festival thing.” He added. He got rid of the core. “He freaked out.”

He’d smelled like fear and he’d sounded like disgust. Rin ached just thinking about it.

Ukobach passed him some peeled garlic. He chopped it up and added it to the onion. It sizzled in the oil and he watched it critically. The scent was reminding him of long nights at the monastery. He’d make curry when Yukio was absent for school work that, in hindsight, was probably actually exorcist stuff. 

Flames flickered against his skin. He exhaled and forced them back. He stirred the onions again, turning the heat up as he worked. It was taking too long.

“I still gotta get my homework.” He commented so there wasn’t just silence. 

Kuro tilted his head. “Shiemi?”

He shrugged. “Probably. Maybe Konekomaru would grab it for me?” His friend had said he was a great guy. He probably wouldn’t change that opinion just because Rin was gay for his friend, right? It really shouldn’t surprise anyone.

The sidhe nodded. Kuro’s tail flicked and suddenly all his fur was standing on end. The cat jumped down from the counter, growing as he landed on his feet until he was three times as big. He stomped towards the door with a constant, furious, snarl. He shoved his way out of the kitchen. 

Rin set the spoon down and wiped his hands off. Ukobach hissed and stomped towards the door. The familiar snatched a knife from the island as he went. 

“Okumura?” Rin promptly froze and almost dropped his towel. That was Ryuuji’s voice. “You in there?

Ukobach left the kitchen with his knife. Rin sprang around the island and jerked the window open. He peeked out and saw Ryuuji standing in the middle of the dining area with his hands in the air in surrender. He was flushed and seemed to be out of breath.

“Suguro?” He asked softly. His stupid voice came out kind of thick. Ryuuji’s head turned towards him and the aria took a step towards his window. Kuro snapped his teeth in warning, growing a size larger.

“Uh,” Ryuuji started. His eyes darted to the two familiars and he took a large step away from them and towards the window. Ukobach raised his knife and yipped a nasty threat. Ryuuji didn’t seem to notice. “Can we talk?”

That seemed like an  _ awful _ idea. He was already fighting his flames. He didn’t want to embarrass himself any further. Ryuuji had kind of made his opinion on going out with Rin pretty clear. But… Ryuuji looked desperate and he’d clearly run over here. It was probably important. He could suck it up.

He nodded stiffly. “Yeah.”

Ryuuji cautiously picked his way across the tiled floor until Kuro threatened him with a hiss. The aria’s eyes were stuck on the floor as he fidgeted uncomfortably. 

Finally Ryuuji spoke in a soft voice. “I didn’t understand earlier.” He shoved his hands in his pocket sheepishly. Rin wasn’t sure what to make of that. “I thought you were talking about Godain and… “

Godain? He thought he wanted to go out with  _ Godain _ ? What? Godain was great but he wasn’t Ryuuji. He didn’t even know about the whole Satan thing. He barely knew about the halfling stuff. He also didn’t have Ryuuji’s knock-out looks or his spirit.

Ryuuji soldiered on. “It made me upset?” He paused and, for a moment, Rin thought he was going to lift his head. He wasn’t certain he could handle the brown eyes at this moment because his mind was exploding and he just  _ knew _ flames were flickering in his hair. “Kamiki said that I was wrong. She, um, thinks you were trying to ask me to the festival?”

A burst of blue flames burned out of his hands. He exhaled and forced them down. He had to stay in control. He had to be sure this go around. It-it couldn’t be what it sounded like. There was no way his evening had just turned around like this. He was connecting dots that weren’t there.

Ryuuji twitched. His shoulders slumped and he swallowed thickly. “Thing is, I kinda hope she’s right. ‘Cause I…” He trailed off and Rin couldn’t quite breathe.

Was Ryuuji saying what it sounded like he was saying? Did… Was he-

What if he was misreading it again?

Ryuuji wasn’t saying anything else. Rin swallowed again and forced himself to speak. “She was.” Ryuuji at least deserved to know Rin had wanted to ask him and  _ not _ Godain out.

Ryuuji’s eyes shot up and his expression, which had been tight with worry loosened into momentary excitement. Rin’s heart skipped a beat in shock.

“Please go to the festival with me.” Ryuuji’s voice  _ cracked _ and Rin’s stomach swooped. His heart rose to his throat and he was pretty sure he had suffered some kind of mental breakdown because there was no way his evening had just taken this kind of a swing.

It couldn’t hurt to make sure. Right? “As friends?”

Ryuuji’s eyes closed and his expression tightened. “If that’s all you want.”

He sounded like it hurt him to say the words. Rin had no control of himself. He sprang through the window with one movement and darted across the space between them. His entire body felt like it was trembling. 

His hands hovered above Ryuuji’s but he wasn’t quite brave enough to grab them. Not yet. He swallowed instead. He was close enough that he could study Ryuuji’s handsome face in the dim light. His chiseled features were tense with worry. Rin wanted to soothe the lines.

He swallowed again. “I’d like a date.” 

Ryuuji’s eyes sprang open and Rin couldn’t have looked away if he had to. He stared up, utterly enraptured by the warm eyes. 

He felt suddenly shy at the intensity of the gaze but he couldn’t quite manage to look away. (He absolutely did not want to.) Brown might be the most common of eye colors but, damn, there was nothing common about Ryuuji’s eyes. They made him think of the wood paneling all over the monastery, comforting and supportive and  _ home. _ They were bright and wild like romps through the woods but smooth like melted chocolate and, _ fuck, _ he just wanted to stare and stare. He was growing warmer and a little dizzy because he’d forgotten breathing (breathing could damn well wait. Ryuuji was looking at him like he was something  _ so _ important.)

He was so enraptured by those brown eyes (like all the warm spices of winter) that he didn’t even see Ryuuji moving his hand until it was wrapping around his own.

He’d only ever held his dad and twin’s hand. He’d touched other people’s hands, of course, but there was a dramatic difference between touching and holding. Ryuuji’s broad hand easily wrapped around his own and god-oh-god, he could  _ feel _ every detail. That stupid heightened demon sense was  _ finally _ being of fucking use. Warm, solid, strong, calloused, so many masculine terms could apply to that sturdy hand. He couldn’t have stopped his own hand from squeezing it back if he needed to. It was an automatic response. He loved how secure it felt, and he could feel his tail wagging as something warm and delighted unfurled in his chest.

Ryuuji’s scent was thick in the air (like early mornings when they ran for miles) curling around him and cocooning him in its comfort and warmth. Calming his racing thoughts and coaxing him nearer.

(Ryuuji’s thumb ran along the back of his hand, callouses dragging at his skin.)

The excitement/delight/giddiness got bigger and bigger. It shoved the air out of his lungs and made his heart hammer erratically. He couldn’t tame his probably ridiculous smile. In a moment of dizzying glee he snagged Ryuuji’s other hand. It was almost too much of the sensation and he had to drag his gaze away from Ryuuji’s lethal, warm, sturdy, eyes so he could breathe. He managed a breath (he was dizzy and shivery and it was addictive) and then another.

Ryuuji squeezed his hands. “That’s good. A date. ‘s good.” His voice was low, thick and intimate and Rin’s breath abandoned him once more. He sucked it up once more and peeked up at Ryuuji. He felt like he was in one of the romance mangas he’d never admit to loving.

He felt floaty and so stupidly happy. “So I didn’t read it wrong?”

Ryuuji swallowed, his throat bobbing. (Rin wanted to taste his skin.) “Nah, you didn’t read it wrong.”

He could feel his smile shift as he focused on Ryuuji’s lips. He’d read enough manga to know that this was when he got his first kiss. He was stretching up, Ryuuji was leaning down, there was inches between them-

Ryuuji drew back sharply, his eyes wide as Kuro’s yowl tore through the air. Rin could have combusted in rage as he looked over his shoulder to see what the fuck had happened. The scent of burned onions assaulted his nose along with the disgruntled hisses and yips of his demon friends. The food was already ruined so why couldn’t Kuro have waited one more damn second?

He’d just been blocked from his first kiss by a demon cat. Of course.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers chapter 9-12 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Rin managed to cook dinner and focus on his homework while Ryuuji kept looking at him with a soft gaze that made him utterly breathless. He deserved some sort of recognition for that accomplishment. 

As if Ryuuji’s soft gaze wasn’t enough, the aria also  _ blushed _ and Rin could feel his tail wagging and his heart skipping beats. He was not going to remember any of this nonsense they were studying. He was going to remember Ryuuji’s smile and the way the lights reflected in his warm eyes and nothing else.

He had finished whatever assignment Yukio had given them and he was shuffling closer to Ryuuji. He was not going to get interrupted by Kuro this time. His tail brushed against Ryuuji’s arm (god-oh-god did the teen have some muscles) and the aria looked at him. Rin leaned forward on the table with his breath catching in his throat. A wonderfully fluttery feeling filled his stomach as he drew near to Ryuuji’s face (he had freckles on his nose) and he was going to do it. He was going to kiss-

Yukio had the worse timing on the damn planet. He could hear the slam of the door and knew there was maybe fifteen seconds before Ryuuji heard him. He selfishly hoarded each and every second; focusing on the way Ryuuji smelled and the way his eyes were wide and dark.

“Rin?!” Yukio shrieked like a psycho and Ryuuji pulled back in shock. His twin’s feet pounded down the hallway (too loud, always too loud) and he burst into the room. His glasses were askew and he was panting slightly.

“Yukio?” He straightened up and frowned at his disheveled twin. What the hell had Shiemi said to him? “What’s up?”

Yukio’s eyes scanned him critically. “Are you-Suguro?”

Ryuuji, adorably, waved. Rin wanted to bottle him up and keep him forever. After he kicked his brother’s ass for interrupting his second almost kiss. 

Yukio was not done being annoying. “Why are you here?” He demanded of Ryuuji. 

The aria glanced at him in confusion. “Homework?” 

Yukio straightened his glasses and frowned at Ryuuji like he was something disgusting and disappointing. “I think you should return to your own dorm. I have things to discuss with my brother.”

Ryuuji’s eyes narrowed and his scent darkened. For a moment Rin was certain his boyfriend (!!!!!! he had a boyfriend!) was going to argue and Rin was so on board. 

But Ryuuji exhaled and nodded. “Okay…” He shoved his book in his backpack while Rin watched him and tried not to look like he wanted to murder his twin and throw Ryuuji on top of this table so he could get that kiss. “Let me know if you need help with the aria homework.” He added as he zipped it shut and rose up. Rin rose with him and couldn’t stop the smile. He could  _ not _ believe this incredible teen wanted to go out with  _ him. _

What if he decided it wasn’t worth the effort? Yukio was not giving off welcoming vibes and Rin had a lot of baggage that’d be dragged into a relationship. Outside the whole guy thing there was also the son of Satan stuff and the perpetual death sentence over his head. 

He swallowed and tried to keep the smile up. “Yeah, uh. We still on for tomorrow morning?”

Ryuuji nodded and smiled softly. “Yeah. Same time and place as usual.” He slung his backpack over his shoulder and stepped away from the table. Rin watched him go feeling utterly twitchy. Yukio kept a glare on Ryuuji as he walked towards the exit. Ryuuji had to shoulder his way out of the room.

“That was rude.” Rin muttered and sank back into his chair. He still had to do the aria homework and it was going to be no fun without Ryuuji. (He was going to get stuck in a day dream of Ryuuji chanting.)

“Rin. What was going on?” Yukio stomped across the room and dropped his bag in the chair Ryuuji had been sitting in. A petty part of Rin wanted to knock it over but he reeled the impulse in. 

“He was helping me with homework.” He couldn’t stop his tail from wagging. He had a  _ date. _ He was going on a date with Ryuuji. His night had gone from serious bummer to utterly spectacular with one weird conversation.

“Rin.”

He glared at his twin. “What?”

“I’ve already told you-”

“I heard you last time.” _You can’t have a relationship, Rin. You’re the son of Satan, Rin._ _You’re dangerous, Rin._

He got it. He was a fuck up and a dangerous one. He wasn’t always in control and he had a temper. He was stupid.

“You can’t keep encouraging him!” Yukio forcibly pulled himself together and Rin just couldn’t take it.

“I asked him out and he said yes.” He spouted it out like he was boasting and he immediately wanted to take it back. This was going to turn into a full lecture. (He was boasting. Ryuuji Suguro had said yes to him. Suck it world.)

Yukio paled. “Tell me you’re joking.”

Now he was mad. “No, I’m not joking.” He stood up and angrily gathered his notes together. He could feel flames flickering at the tip of his tail and he forced them back down. “Ryuuji  _ likes  _ me. He said yes and we’re going to the festival together.” He couldn’t even appreciate that fact because Yukio was a jerk. 

“Would you stop being so damned  _ reckless?! _ ”

“We were doing homework! That’s not reckless!”

Yukio slapped his hand on the table like it would scare Rin. That sort of shit hadn’t scared him before the demon stuff. Now it just hurt his ears. “You,” Yukio snarled, “are the son of  _ Satan! _ You are on death row! What imaginary world are you living in that makes you think the Grigori will let you date anyone? Let alone the heir of the Myōō Dharani.” Yukio grabbed his forehead like he had a headache. “Jesus Christ, Rin, why him? Can’t you just try and be low key?”

“So you’d be fine if it was Shiemi? But a dude is bad?” Rin could feel his teeth getting bigger. He was about to quite literally lose his cool. “Fuck off. I’m going to date who I want and you can’t tell me no! You’re not the boss of me!” He stomped around the table, flames flickering around his legs. “Your dinner is on the stove, asshole.” He stormed out of the room and ran full speed to the higher levels. He ditched his stuff in his room and made a beeline for the roof. He let his flames flare out of his skin as he glared at the academy below. 

He was going to date the hell out of Ryuuji and no one could tell him no. 

* * *

Rin was going to stab someone if he didn’t get to kiss Ryuuji. 

He’d had  _ four _ separate almost kisses and each one had been interrupted by someone or a demon. 

Even  _ Shura _ had stabbed him in the back on that. They were all traitors and he was going to find a way of getting them back. 

He’d be angrier if he wasn’t curled against Ryuuji’s side. This was in the top three things he’d been most excited about when he’d day dreamed about dating Ryuuji. (Kissing had also been in the top three, damn it.) 

Ryuuji’s scent was all he could smell and fucking hell, he could just bask in that stuff. It made him feel calm in a way he hadn’t since the change happened. It was like listening to a focusing mantra or curling up in a blanket with hot chocolate. It was exciting and calming and he didn’t know what to do with it all but he was definitely a fan. 

Rin was curled up against Ryuuji, trying to pay attention to the aria homework and not think about Ryuuji’s deep voice curling around the words.

Renzou huffed in irritation and shoved his book up. He was laying upside down and making a lot of irritated sounds that were just a little too loud. 

“How do you even  _ say _ this?” He demanded. Ryuuji squinted at him and Rin wanted to kiss that face so damn bad. 

“Baruch ata Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, oseh ma’aseh b’reishit.”

Rin’s heart fluttered embarrassingly and he had to forcibly keep his tail still. He had not been prepared. 

“Say that again?” Renzou demanded. 

Ryuuji repeated the phrase and Rin had a sudden and glorious thought .He sat up and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He turned towards his boyfriend (they’d confirmed it and Rin was going to find a way to call him that in public now that he was allowed) and smiled. 

“Can I record that?” Rin asked and tried not to look too eager. Ryuuji snorted and gave his head a fond little shake.

“Depends.” He tilted his head and raised one of his eyebrows in challenge. “Have you practiced that other mantra?” Rin blushed and nodded his head. He could feel his tail wagging and couldn’t quite stop it. Ryuuji leaned closer, his smile sharpening into something challenging. “Show me.”

Rin flushed but brought his hands together in the right symbol. He’d listened to this chant way too many times since he’d recorded it. He knew it by heart. He took a breath and locked eyes with his boyfriend. His lips quirked in a smirk. “Naumaku san mandra bazaradan kan.”

Ryuuji’s face went intense in a way that Rin wanted to see a lot more of. 

His boyfriend was leaning towards him. “Good.” He growled and  _ fuck _ , Ryuuji’s voice was at least two octaves lower than normal. He watched Ryuuji swallow and straighten. His eyes darted around, seeming to realize they weren’t alone, and he blushed a little. “First, if you’re doing a hebrew prayer, verse, or mantra, you gotta do the right hand symbol.” He paired his fingers and brought his hands close so the thumbs were touching. Rin copied the motion and kept his eyes on Ryuuji’s face. He got so intense when he was reciting. He had incredible focus. 

Ryuuji nodded approvingly. “Then you say the words. When you finish it you press out but don’t break your thumbs connection.” He showed them how to do it and nodded in approval. “Okay.” He looked at Rin and nodded his head towards the phone. Rin scrambled to get it up and turned the camera on. He gave his head a nod for the go ahead.

Ryuuji performed the chant four times and Rin recorded it all. He was adding this to his playlist. He’d have three now. He could probably double that now that they were dating. 

“Hey, Okumura,” Izumo called from the bed. She had a vicious smirk that promised trouble and Rin immediately knew what she was going to say. “How many of those do you have now?”

He could feel his cheeks heat up. He snapped his phone shut and avoided everyone’s eyes. “Two.” He muttered and debated the merits of hiding. He risked a glance at Ryuuji and found his boyfriend was studying him. He mumbled an embarrassed thanks and pressed against Ryuuji’s side so he didn’t have to look at his face and give himself away.

Ryuuji’s arm dropped over his shoulder and pulled him closer. He melted against the pleasant warmth and somehow resisted the urge to bury his nose in Ryuuji’s neck. He just knew the scent would be stronger there and he wanted to pick it all apart until he knew every part of it.

He breathed it in, letting Ryuuji’s warmth soak in as he relaxed. He focused on the note book in his hand and stared until the words made sense. His stomach dropped and he realized he’d forgotten to write the purpose of the circle he’d bothered to draw.

He asked the group and Ryuuji helpfully had it in his notebook. Rin sat up to grab the back pack and tugged it to his lap. Ryuuji jerked, hard, and batted the backpack out of his hands. Rin had already unzipped it so the objects went flying. Rin shuffled forward to grab all the stuff up and figured out just why Ryuuji had reacted like that. Shiemi grabbed a pack of  _ condoms _ off the floor and dropped them in the bag with no idea what it was.

He had no control of his face and it was all he could do to keep the flames in as hot embarrassment washed over him. 

He was going to fucking murder his twin the moment he had him alone. No matter Ryuuji had looked so pissed after their earlier talk. How dare he do that. Damn it! What if that was why they hadn’t kissed? What if Ryuuji was embarrassed and not even interested?

And why did it have to happen like this? Why in front of everyone? It was all his fault and now Ryuuji would be humiliated and break up with him and he was going to be  _ alone _ and lose his friendship and he’d never even gotten to  _ kiss _ him. 

Ryuuji’s voice broke through his haze of horror, sharp and  _ so _ angry. “You didn’t have everyone hounding you today. You didn’t have to deal with Okumura sensei or Kirigakure or classmates glaring.”

Rin dropped the notebook and covered his face. He couldn’t breathe and he could feel his stupid teeth growing as he lost control of his emotions. He was a freak and horny. Fuck, he’d pictured Ryuuji naked too many times (way before they were dating, the aria was hot) and he could just imagine all the things they could do together -things he had heard about or caught glimpses of in porn but had been too ashamed and embarassed to really delve in because he wasn’t just a teenage boy he was a demon and he knew homosexuailty was a no-no but the old-man had never cared and-

Ryuuji was suddenly standing and stomping out of the room. The door slammed shut and Rin sprang to his feet in a panic. He yanked the door open (at least he didn’t break it) and rushed into the hall. Ryuuji was storming away and it took no effort to catch him.

He sucked in a shaky breath. “I-”

Ryuuji shook his head pointedly and kept right on marching. He didn’t shove Rin away or yell so he kept following. They walked to the end of the hall where the vending machines were and Ryuuji pulled some money from his pocket.

“Do you want anything?” Ryuuji avoided his eyes and looked utterly embarrassed.

Rin nodded. “Chips.” He took a breath, gathered his courage, and ran his fingers against the back of Ryuuji’s hand. His boyfriend didn’t seem upset with him, just utterly embarrassed. Ryuuji wasn’t one to hide his anger. 

Ryuuji turned his hand around and caught Rin’s. His tail gave a happy little wag as their fingers laced together. He squeezed the hand and felt confident they could figure whatever it was out.

Ryuuji fed a few bills into the machine. “They were from Kirigakure. When she cornered me after class.”

Thank fuck. He couldn’t stop his body from sagging against Ryuuji. It hadn’t even occurred to him that they might be from Shura. He’d still kill her but at least it hadn’t been  _ Yukio. _ She would have meant it as a joke and as a way of saying she approved. 

(He was happier about her approval than he wanted to admit.)

He explained that to his boyfriend and got to see Ryuuji’s horrified reaction at the thought of Yukio giving him condoms. “She asked me about Takara and then shoved those off on me when I had my guard lowered.”

“Takara?”

Ryuuji was on another planet. He was staring at the vending machine vacantly, mind probably racing over something and Rin didn’t think he’d heard his question. He took a moment to watch him think because Ryuuji was cute when he was lost in thought. His brow got a little furrow and he’d mouth a word occasionally, never distinctly enough to read, all with a dazed expression like he was flipping through notes in his mind.

Rin watched him, hungrily taking in the aria’s features until his lips tugged down in the slightest frown. He didn’t want his boyfriend getting lost in sad thoughts. He squeezed Ryuuji’s hand and popped his mouth open to try and call him back. 

Ryuuji’s head snapped towards him and he promptly forgot what he was going to say so he blurted something about Yukio. 

Ryuuji punched the number for Rin’s favorite chips. His heart fluttered and he couldn’t help but squeeze the hand in his again. Ryuuji knew his favorite chips. 

Ryuuji shrugged in answer to his question. “He told me to fuck off. He was worried about you.” 

Not worried, controlling. Damn him and his need to be in charge. Rin was perfectly capable of being an adult and picking his relationship. He wasn’t stupid and Ryuuji wasn’t evil. He was handsome and smart and kind. Rin was  _ older _ than Yukio for crying out loud.

“Stupid mole face.” He muttered. “I told him it was okay.”

“Huh?”

Rin shrugged and tried not to look too annoyed. “He freaked out last night. After he came in and bitched at us for doing his stupid homework I told him off. He said I was being reckless like always.” 

Ryuuji’s other hand tightened into a fist. “And did you believe him?” He asked in a quiet, dangerous voice. “‘Cause you’re not. Asking someone out isn’t ‘reckless.’”

He wanted to be happy about the way Ryuuji had sounded all defensive of him but he couldn’t. Stupid Yukio had gotten in his head last night and now he just felt guilty. “I don’t know? I mean. Well,” he clenched his jaw with frustration, “I’m satan’s son. The Grigori aren’t going to let that slide and they’re not exactly open minded about the whole gay thing. Like, what if they do something?” What if they kicked Ryuuji out of the cram school?

Ryuuji shrugged like he wasn’t worried at all. “Fuck ‘em. The whole lot of them are up to something. They have no ground to be judgemental on. They’re fucking hypocrites.” He punched in the last numbers far more roughly than he needed to. 

“But they could hurt you or -”

“Gonna be honest here,” Ryuuji turned on his heel so he was facing Rin. He leaned forward so he was in Rin’s space and his brown eyes were all intense. “I don’t care what any of them think. I’m joining this organization ‘cause they’ve got the most contacts. I’m going to use them to get powerful enough to defeat satan but I don’t care about them or their goals.” He spoke it like it was a fact. Like it wasn’t open for an argument. Like all of True Cross could go fuck itself for being annoying and getting in Ryuuji’s way. It made Rin want to shove him against this wall and get that kiss. He felt hot with want and it was so hard to hold his flames in.

He tugged his boyfriend closer. “You know,” He purred, “you’re hot when you’re rebellious.” Ryuuji smirked, seeming pleased with Rin’s response.

“That so?” He growled out and  _ oh  _ , Rin liked the way that sounded. It made his gut clench. “I say we show all these assholes.” He stepped a little closer and Rin didn’t know what his face was doing but if Ryuuji got any closer he was going to get kissed. “We’ll beat satan and be the strongest exorcists in this organization. The son of satan and the heir of the Myōō Dharani.”

Ryuuji’s eyes wouldn’t let him look away. The warm, strong, steady gaze was pulling him in. Calling him closer and he wanted so much to believe what he was saying. It was such an alluring dream. He could believe it too. Ryuuji’s eyes made him believe it. 

His boyfriend leaned closer so he was filling Rin’s vision. “Let’s defeat satan and show ‘em all.”

Rin’s flames were  _ so _ close to leaking out. He had to focus and swallow to keep it in and it was all he could do. He wasn’t going to be able to keep it in much longer. The emotions were too big.

And Ryuuji came even closer. Rin’s hand curled around the aria’s bicep as he was crowded against the wall with no escape. There was a vending machine to his right and Ryuuji’s arm to his left. His boyfriend’s hand tangled in his hair warm and perfect. There was nowhere to go and no way to get away from Ryuuji’s thick, intoxicating scent. He was saturated in Ryuuji’s presence. His eyes, his smell, his warmth, the sound of his breathing, it all swirled around him, making his head feel fuzzy and his hands tingle with want. 

Ryuuji came closer, barely a handful of inches between their noses, and closer, he might could fit a hand between them, and  _ closer. _ Rin’s eyes fluttered, his breath hitching as Ryuuji’s slightly blurry face filled his entire vision. 

And then he stopped. He held the position, an inch or so away. Brown eyes stared intently at him, hungry and nervous, waiting for  _ him _ to make the final move.

He leaned forward the barest amount and brushed his lips against Ryuuji’s. Heat surged through his body and he felt almost dizzy with enormity of the fact that he’d just kissed Ryuuji. A fierce need shot through his chest, shocking him at its intensity. He wanted to grab his boyfriend and pull him closer. He wanted to push him against the vending machine so he couldn’t get away and take more kisses until he knew every inch of Ryuuji’s mouth. He wanted the teen for himself and it was a little frightening how strong the urge was.

Ryuuji’s eyes - somehow the color of melted chocolate in this light, dark, seductive, temptation personified- were locked on him, unblinking, serious, wanting. 

“Again,” Ryuuji breathed against his mouth. Rin was incapable of hiding his smile and Ryuuji kissed him, lips pressing gently against his. He held the pose where Rin hadn’t and it made all the difference. His boyfriend came closer, large hand cupping his cheek and his other hand settling low on Rin’s hip. Ryuuji scent washed over him, spicey, warm, thrilling. Then Ryuuji moved and suddenly the kiss jdeepened. He felt his boyfriend lick at his fangs, testing them out and he couldn’t stop the gasp it drew from his chest. His body tensed and he had to focus  _ so _ hard to keep from changing. He couldn’t risk it when they were doing this. 

Ryuuji pulled back a little and Rin took the opportunity he was presented with. He dove into Ryuuji’s mouth and wound his tail around his boyfriend’s waist so they were pressed closer together.

Breathing was annoying because it meant kissing had to stop. He gathered quick breaths before diving back in and  _ damn _ , he really liked kissing Ryuuji.

He curled closer, his hand sliding up Ryuuji’s bicep (fucking hell, Ryuuji had muscles) and around his shoulder to his back.

He was positively floating by the time they broke apart. Ryuuji stared down at him, brown eyes warm and wanting, breath coming out in pants as they watched each other.

He couldn’t quite stop from wagging his tail. It was embarrassing but Ryuuji was so… warm? His eyes were soft, almost tender, but there was a desire in their depths that made Rin feel very powerful. He’d brought that want out of Ryuuji. It was mind boggling and he wanted to see more of that desire. He wanted to press Ryuuji against a wall, or climb up on him, so he could properly explore to his heart’s desire. He wanted to kiss down Ryuuji’s throat, tasting the skin. He wanted to bite it and leave a mark. Something dark and big. Pretty against Ryuuji’s soft skin and strong neck.

He wanted to rub his face against Ryuuji’s throat and that was probably the most bizzare of his new and not so new desires. The musky, spicy, smokey scent that was Ryuuji had thickened around him and mingled with that lighter, intoxicating scent his  _ boyfriend _ sometimes put off. He wanted a closer sniff. It was probably weird but he wanted it nonetheless.

Ryuuji’s hand slipped around to cradle the back of his head as he brought his face closer. He rested their foreheads together and Rin had to catch his breath all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think I'm slowly getting the hang of Rin's pov.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers chapter 13-15 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Ryuuji had a great family. He had a nurturing mom who was quick to defend and a caring father who was funny, if not nearly as handsome as Ryuuji.

Rin had a horrifying family. His father was Satan himself and really, that should make everyone else look really great in comparison but, nope. It didn’t. His other siblings-only two of which he’d actually met – were all hot messes. He was going to exclude Yukio from that list despite being annoying and controlling. Mainly because there were just such vastly different levels of not okay between Mephisto and Yukio.

Such different levels.

Mephisto would have been embarrassing just on his fashion choices but there was everything else to contend with as well.

And now the utter creep knew Rin was dating Ryuuji. He’d even eyeballed his boyfriend appraisingly.

Rin had very nearly growled at the way Mephisto had looked over Ryuuji. It hadn’t been a: ‘is this an upright teen?’ sort of look. It had been a: ‘how fuckable is this teen?’ sort of a look and Rin didn’t like it at all. It made something hot and angry boil up in his stomach and twist up his spine. His fangs sharpened in his mouth as he glared at the demon king. He had the strongest urge to shove his way in front of Ryuuji so Mephisto couldn’t see him, or to pin Ryuuji against the wall and… well, make it clear that the aria was  _ his. _ He probably would have done something violent and embarrassing if Ryuuji hadn’t been holding his hand.

Ryuuji did that a lot. He was always reaching out and taking Rin’s hand. When they were walking between classes, when they were studying, when they were cuddling after studying… They ended up holding hands more often than not and it wasn’t something Rin had given a lot of thought to before the confession and introduction to hand holding.

He liked it a lot. He liked being anchored to Ryuuji. He liked having the reassurance that Ryuuji was near and the ability to move him around if he needed him safe. He could probably use his demonic strength to lift Ryuuji with just the hold on his hand.

Anyway… Mephisto knew about Ryuuji and that was… not good. It freaked him out a bit. It was going to come back up and Mephisto was going to try something. He had no idea what the demon would try but he knew it was going to affect his boyfriend.

So that was a change, but there were other changes too. Some were great, like the hand holding thing and the cuddling thing. Other people realized they were together and that was a change with good and bad. He was able to quickly identify the homophobes in class now but they weren’t people he hung out with anyway.

Godain started to tease him. He apparently had a tendency to space out in class (it wasn’t his fault the teachers were boring) and he’d start to doodle embarrassing things. His friend called him out on his sappy behavior and worse, he threatened to show Ryuuji his doodles.

Rin had flushed embarrassingly and glanced over his shoulder at his boyfriend to find the teen was already looking his way. He’d gotten even hotter and had to focus on his breathing so he didn’t combust.

He’d never been teased like that before. It was weird and… nice. He liked having a friend he could chat about that sort of thing with. It felt normal. Rin didn’t get a lot of chances to feel normal.

He was on cloud nine for the rest of the day and then he got the mother of all surprises when Yukio asked if Ryuuji could come over for dinner.

Rin asked, Ryuuji accepted, and Rin spent two hours in a bit of a panic making the best dinner he possibly could. He brought it out with a nervous stomach and sat next to his boyfriend.

Ryuuji blushed a little as he settled into his seat and his tail flicked against Ryuuji’s arm. 

He ignored Yukio’s calculating gaze and enjoyed the food and the pleased sound his boyfriend made as he tasted the dishes. He rambled about his day while they ate because the air was  _ tense. _ He was surrounded by introverts but that was okay. He could talk enough for the three of them.

Somehow the two started talking about guns like they were interesting and Rin’s mind wandered to the way Ryuuji’s hands had tightened on his hips when they had made out the previous day. He couldn’t help but wonder what those broad hands would feel like elsewhere. (He was a red blooded teen and Ryuuji was  _ so hot. _ ) He grunted occasionally so they would think he was paying attention while he finished his meal. He went to the kitchen for dessert and brought it out as Yukio announced that he’d be leaving in about fifteen minutes.

Rin managed to appear nonchalant and like he didn’t care one way or the other but his blasted tail wagged revealingly. Yukio missed it but he saw Ryuuji watching his tail with a hungry sort of look in his eyes. It made him feel hot and twitchy.

It was a  _ long _ fifteen minutes. Rin’s tail draped itself over Ryuuji’s thigh and the aria started to run his fingers over the fur like it wasn’t the most distracting thing that ever happened.

Yukio finally got up and bid them goodnight. He made a pointed remark about Rin needing his rest and left. 

Rin was entirely still for exactly thirty seconds until he heard the door to their building shut and then he sprang at his boyfriend’s face.

He had no idea how they got upstairs. He was mildly worried he might have dragged Ryuuji but whatever the method, they got upstairs in one of the abandoned rooms. He promptly shoved Ryuuji onto the dusty mattress and climbed on top of his lap.

_ Oh. _ He was suddenly very close to Ryuuji’s face and  _ fuck _ , he hadn’t realized just how broad Ryuuji’s thighs were. He wasted exactly  _ no _ time in getting closer. His hands slid their way up Ryuuji’s shoulders. He tangled his fingers in those alluring locks. He fucking loved Ryuuji’s hair, and he loved the way Ryuuji’s eyes would always go a little hazy when he touched his hair. 

He used his new grip to pull his boyfriend closer and felt Ryuuji’s hands settle on his hips. He did not allow himself to be distracted by the warm, welcome, weight. He shuffled closer, tugging his boyfriend’s face into a satisfying kiss. 

This was  _ exactly _ what he’d been wanting. 

He’d been excited and freaked out about kissing Ryuuji. The teen was calming and steady in everything but not kissing. He was aggressive in the best kind of way and it made Rin want to rise to the challenge. He tried to give as good as he got but his fangs were a reason for worry. He’d already cut his boyfriend a few times earlier in the week. Ryuuji didn’t have any demonic healing so he had to be  _ careful _ or they’d have to stop until his boyfriend could heal.

Ryuuji’s scent was intoxicating and everywhere. It wrapped around Rin, caressing him, coaxing him closer and making his heart hammer. He got his hand on Ryuuji’s shirt collar and got the tie off and tossed to the corner so he could suck a kiss onto his boyfriend’s tantalizing throat. 

Ryuuji’s hands slid up his side, a tasty noise slipping past his throat that was close to a whine. Rin wanted to hear more of it. He wanted everyone to see a dark splotch on Ryuuji’s neck and know Rin had left it. That he got to kiss and bite and touch Ryuuji like this. 

Ryuuji was his boyfriend.  _ His. _

He pulled away sharply as he felt his face shift a little. Ryuuji didn’t notice the small change and just tugged at Rin’s hair until they were kissing again.

Another kiss, a slight nip to his lip, a hand in his hair brushing along the tip of his ear, a firm hand on his hip. Too many sensations to keep up with and he was addicted to each and everyone. He wanted more of it all. He’d always been a little greedy but this felt different. What he had wasn’t enough. He wanted to take more. He wanted to taste all of  _ his _ boyfriend. 

His fingers got Ryuuji’s buttons undone only to realize his boyfriend was wearing an undershirt. He growled a little in irritation and nipped at Ryuuji’s lip. The aria gasped against his mouth and Rin promptly claimed that tempting mouth for himself. His entire body felt tingly and hot. He lost track of everything that wasn’t Ryuuji’s touch, scent and warmth. He pressed closer and closer, sliding against Ryuuji and discovering that his boyfriend had very sensitive ears.

It was getting better and better, Ryuuji’s hands were so warm and grounding everywhere they touched, his mouth was intensely distracting and Rin was lost to every sensation. 

Ryuuji even ignored his phone. He couldn’t help the happy flip his stomach gave at that realization. His boyfriend was ignoring work and school related stuff to continue kissing him. It made him feel powerful and he couldn’t stop himself from returning to that spot he’d sucked a mark on earlier. He made it bigger and inspected it with a surge of satisfaction. It would be covered by his boyfriend’s collar but it was still there. Anyone who looked would see Rin’s hickie and know he’d been there. They’d know that  _ he _ got to do that. It was his neck to kiss and bite and mark up. 

The satisfaction grew bigger and made a purr of contentment rumble out of his throat. He was too aroused to be embarrassed so he sprang back to that tempting throat. He kissed his way up Ryuuji’s face, pausing to pay special attention to his jaw. Rin tugged on his earrings and he  _ really _ liked the way it made Ryuuji’s mouth pop open.

But his boyfriend retaliated by kissing at his throat and that was a sensation Rin had not been prepared for. He made a noise he had not been aware he could make and he felt Ryuuji hum with pleasure and he  _ sucked  _ at the skin. Rin’s entire body spasmed at the sensation.

And then the terrible moment happened. Ryuuji nipped at his jaw and Rin felt his flames flare out. They poured out over Ryuuji whose eyes went wide. Rin sprang off his boyfriend in utter horror. He fled the room in mortification, muttering some lame excuse, and rushed to his room. 

He barely got the door shut before he was sliding to the floor and fisting his hair.

Yukio was fucking  _ right. _ He was a danger and a freak and he’d just lost control over  _ kissing _ . How in the world could they do anything if he lost control over something as simple as kissing? He could have hurt Ryuuji! He hadn’t been focused on what he did and didn’t burn and there was no telling what could have happened. What if they got in a fight and he lost control? 

What if he’d just hurt him?

What if Ryuuji wanted to break up now? Blue flames had ruined his temple, what if Rin had just reminded him of that?

And he’d just fled like a freaking moron. They were going to have to have a talk now and they hadn’t even had a chance to go on a date yet. 

He buried his face in his hands and tried to steady his breathing. His flames were flaring all over his body and he couldn’t reel them in like this. Nothing had happened. He hadn’t hurt him. He hadn’t hurt anyone.

He could have! He could have burned Ryuuji. ( _ Your flames hurt people! Your flames  _ kill _ people! _ The voices wouldn’t stop shrieking in his head. All the damning shouts and glares...They were right. _ ) _

He couldn’t pull his flames back in. He needed to calm down. He had to get back to Ryuuji and apologize. He… They could probably work it out if he could just explain.

Rin pulled his phone out and thumbed it on. It took him a second to find the file and select it and, finally, Ryuuji’s voice was filling the silence. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing to the rhythm of Ryuuji’s chant. He mouthed along to the familiar chant until he felt like he wasn’t about to suffocate. He let the focusing mantra calm his nerves and he got control of his flames again. He listened to one more loop and turned his phone back off.

He could do this now. 

He had to change his clothes because he’d accidentally burnt part of his slacks. He put on a pair of sweat pants, recited the mantra twice, and left his room.

Ryuuji was pacing around in the abandoned room tensely. 

“Sorry,” He mumbled lamely as his boyfriend rounded on him. He looked angry. Rin tried to smile and it felt  _ awkward _ . “Did I burn you?” 

He could barely look at Ryuuji. He was  _ so _ scared to know. 

“No,” Ryuuji grunted and marched towards him. “you didn’t fucking burn me. You haven’t burned me any of the other times you flamed up either.”

Oh  _ god. _ It had happened before. He’d flamed up at other times and hadn’t even known. He buried his face in his hands and turned himself away from Ryuuji in mortification. He was such a freak. What had he been thinking? He couldn’t be normal. He couldn’t have any of this. He was a danger.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” He could hear Ryuuji moving closer but not quite touching. “When I asked you out in the kitchen? When we kissed for the first time?” 

He curled in tighter, his tail winding itself around his legs protectively. He wanted to disappear. “I’m so sorry,” His voice was shaking. “I uh, have a hard time with big emotions.” He explained.

Ryuuji moved closer. “Hard time?” He asked softly. Warm hands dropped on Rin’s shoulder and he couldn’t stop a shiver from shooting up his spine. He wanted to press into the touch but it was all he could do to keep his flames in check. 

He owed Ryuuji an explanation. “I don’t know if it’s ‘cause I’ve gotten more comfortable with ‘em or if it’s ‘cause I’ve used ‘em more but my flames… when I get really excited, or scared, or happy, or angry I-er.”

Ryuuji’s other hand settled on him and pulled him closer. “Flame up?” 

He nodded. “I thought I’d managed to control them around you?” 

Ryuuji turned him around and into a warm hug. He melted into the touch but couldn’t quite bring himself to move his hands yet. He didn’t… he couldn’t look at Ryuuji’s eyes yet.

But Ryuuji wasn’t one to let him hide. “Okumura,” His hands were tugged down and Ryuuji caught his chin, tilting his head up so they were eye to eye. Brown, warm, understanding… He could stare at those safe, beautiful, eyes forever. They made his racing pulse slow and his churning stomach settle.

Ryuuji’s thumb brushed along his jaw. ”I don’t mind them. You haven’t burned me.” Ryuuji’s hands dropped to his hips and tugged him closer. His boyfriend smirked mischievous and  _ fuck _ , it looked so good on the aria. “I find it kinda hot.”

There was no way Rin could have possibly kept his flames in check after that. 

* * *

So far, this  _ endless _ day was making it into Rin’s top ten worst days ever. Nothing would ever beat the first slot (fuck, it better not. There was only one thing that could beat losing his dad and he’d be more damned than he already was before he let his twin die like that.) but this day was making a hell of a play for the other top four.

Not only had their date been ruined (Rin didn’t care that it was petty. He’d been promised a wonderful date and he’d been robbed of it because of some stupid demon king he was fucking related to-again,  _ horrible _ family.) Not only had their friend been kidnapped; not only had he gotten like, an hour of sleep in the last 40 odd hours; not only had the kidnapper been another friend; not only had it crushed his boyfriend into a nearly catatonic state, nope. It could, stupidly, get worse than all of that.

Zombies. Fucking  _ zombies _ . It was like they were part of a horror film. Not even a high budget one. They got stuck in a shitty b film. 

He got cut off from everyone but Shiemi. He wound up in a stinky cell with a basically immortal horde stumbling towards them.

He staggered to his feet and unsheathed his blade. He sent a flurry of flames at the nearest zombies and they reared back into each other. 

They merged into each other and became a bigger, much uglier, super zombie thing.

“Rin,” Shiemi’s small hand wrapped around his elbow and tugged. He hadn’t registered shoving his way in front of her. It was a natural move at this point. He got in a fight and immediately moved to get in front of the people he actually cared about. “I have an idea.” She murmured. She was bleeding from their stupid fall.

He nodded that he was listening and sent a burst of flames at the nearest zombies.

Shiemi then stumbled forward, dropped to the ground, and grew an entire tree out of the busted up concrete like it was a normal thing to do. It grew up through the fallen zombies, rooting them into the ground and absorbing them into itself.

He kept his many,  _ many _ questions to himself and blasted away the far wall. Yukio and Ryuuji would berate him and warm him about ‘structural integrity’ but they were in a cell and needed to bounce before the zombies came back or the tree turned into a zombie. 

They made it out of the cell and he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “How did you do that?”

Shiemi leaned against his side. She was pale. She’d probably used up more energy than she should have. He wasn’t entirely sure how the whole tamer thing worked but he knew there was some kinda energy link there.

“I wanted to return them to the earth.” She murmured and yawned. He wrapped an arm around her and considered just carrying her in one arm. 

They rounded a corner and Rin’s nose twitched. A limping Konekomaru was headed towards them. He beamed when he saw them and Rin couldn’t help but notice his glasses were cracked. 

He hadn’t seen the others. Rin tried not to panic about Yukio and Ryuuji’s absence but he didn’t do a particularly good job of it.

(He needed to find them. They were going to get hurt and he wasn’t there to help. They were his. He was supposed to protect them.)

He gathered the friends he did have close and surged bright with flames. Every instinct he had wanted to cover them in the blue fire. He wanted them to smell like his flames. He wanted anyone who came near to know that he was looking out for them. Maybe… maybe his stupid rank would come in handy and they’d lay off.

The effect of his flames took hold immediately. Shiemi always smelled like moss. Something deep and earthy, a little fresh, and bizarrely comforting. It was mingled with a hint of smoke now, and the strange sweetness to his sulfuric flames. 

Konekomaru, who smelled like prayersmoke and kittens, now had the same hint of smoke and flames. There was a hint of fear in his short friend as well, but he ignored it for now.

They made their way up the confusing structure (he grabbed them both by the waist and jumped up) and towards the larger room because that was where Izumo probably was.

He found Shima and they fought. The knight actively ignored Koneko and Shiemi despite the fact that they were the obvious easy targets. Shiemi was still limp with exhaustion and Konekomaru hesitated in bringing a shield up.

And then… He didn’t remember or notice much. The rage became too much to hold in when he reached the room and saw Izumo sobbing. His version turned red and the flames consumed.

They were his. Each of them, Shiemi, Konekomaru, Izumo, they were  _ his. _ He’d taken them as part of his group and they were his to guard and protect. Someone had taken her and hurt her and she was  _ sobbing. _ These people would pay for that. They’d pay for every tear, for every drop of blood, for every  _ hair _ his friends had lost.

They gathered close as chaos reigned. He shielded them with his flames while he tried to keep the endless hoard back and hold onto his sanity. He wanted to tear into the creatures like a wild animal. He wanted to shred them with his claws and tear out their throats for daring to hurt the ones in his care. He wanted to spread their blood across the floor until everyone understood the terrible price for hurting those that were his.

He was in control enough that he used his sword. He kept them safe as they fought. They were strong. He wouldn’t have chosen them otherwise.

He was taking on some twisted undead thing when he caught their scent. Yukio’s was agitated and furious, he would be dangerous like this. Good. No need to keep him safe. 

Ryuuji… Ryuuji was closer. That alluring, spicy, calming scent that spoke of home and desire… His Ryuuji was in the room. He was  _ scared _ .

His mind snarled at that realization.

Voices shouted behind him, confused and frustrated and panicked. He wasn’t in control enough to understand what they were saying but he knew that voice. He growled as he turned and saw him there. Ryuuji was bleeding from the head, his cheek was bruised, his face dirty, his clothes torn and bloody. His scent was clouded by fear and other demons and it was  _ wrong. _ His Ryuuji had been touched by others. His Ryuuji had been  _ hurt. _

The growl was rumbling out of his throat before he could stop it. Hell, he didn’t want to stop it. (Ryuuji was his! How  _ dare _ someone hurt him! How dare they think they could touch him! He’d tear them all to pieces for that.)

He grabbed his boyfriend’s collar and jerked him near. His flames washed over Ryuuji, incinerating the other scents and marking him as Rin’s.

It wasn’t enough. 

He hauled him closer and smashed his mouth against Ryuuji’s. His boyfriend gasped in surprise and Rin took the chance to deepen the kiss. 

The feeling of Ryuuji’s lips against his, the sharp inhale, the thundering of his pulse, it turned Rin’s mind back on. He pulled himself away from his boyfriend with a gasp before he could give into the urge to bite and leave an obvious mark. He wouldn’t hurt Ryuuji. He wouldn’t hurt any of them. 

He circled his flames around them and added Izumo to the group when she was cleared of the demon. He guarded his friends and used the anger to keep the hoard at bay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers parts of chapter 17 and 18 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Rin kind of hated Light. Like… a lot.

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t even particularly want to. He just… did. 

To be fair, they hadn’t gotten off to a good start. He’d met him at a trial and then he’d gotten stuck in a chest. It wasn’t a great way to get fond of someone. 

He could have ignored his terrible smell (it hurt his nose just to be around him) but he couldn’t get over the way he used Ryuuji.

He hadn’t liked the idea of Ryuuji apprenticing himself to Light and he mostly blamed it on not wanting his already schedule packed boyfriend to have more distracting him. He didn’t like how much the other man reeked of demons and he _really_ didn’t like the idea of Ryuuji smelling like that. It made him tense and hot to even imagine. He’d feel his fangs start to grow and he’d have to work extra hard to keep a change back.

That… if he was being honest, that was just part of the problem. 

Being with Ryuuji was easy. The aria made him feel confident and comfortable and like he was desired despite his weirdness. Hell, Ryuuji made him feel _normal_ and utterly smitten. He was pretty sure it had moved to love at some point but he didn’t really have a lot to go on with that. 

He felt alive when he was with Ryuuji and the aria was smiling at him or holding his hand. But… When Light was around that all stopped. His boyfriend would be as companionable as ever but he wouldn’t really touch him. He’d thought he was just being paranoid until he realized Light didn’t have any idea that they were dating. 

That hurt but he was mostly managing not to think about it. Dating Ryuuji was already more than he’d expected. He was the son of Satan. He was on death row. Ryuuji was risking a lot just being seen with him. His boyfriend was ambitious. He wanted to get to the top and couldn’t risk his future, or even his scholarship for that manner.

Instead he was focusing on the other stuff he could notice.

Ryuuji had bags under his warm eyes. He always looked tired now. He studied too much and worked too hard. He was making their homework assignments for the class Light taught.

Rin hated it all and he didn’t like Light one bit.

That wasn’t enough though. Nope, he also had Shura and Yukio to worry about. 

Everyone he loved was kinda sorta falling apart. And all of them were ignoring it, or worse, _lying_ about it. Ryuuji seemed genuinely oblivious to his exhaustion and the damage he was doing to himself. Shura was trying to pretend she was still perky and healthy and happy. Rin knew that was a load of bull ‘cause he managed to land three hits on her in their last training session.

She’d just ruffled his hair when he mentioned it. 

Yukio was most irritating. His asshole brother was coming home injured. He called it training and Rin couldn’t believe his twin actually though he’d fall for that lie.

It was all so infuriating and nothing seemed to make it better. He brought Shura some homemade chocolates in hope of bribing her into talking and he’d just gotten a ‘Thanks, kid’ and one of her arm around his neck hugs. Yukio had rebuffed every attempt at a conversation and been down right rude whenever he prodded. He wanted so badly to help and no one was letting him.

He was just left alone in his big building with his worry.

Today was going to be different. He was going to have a conversation with one of them. Ryuuji seemed the most likely to open up and even thinking that made him smile a little despite his irritation and depression at not being trusted. 

He brought a tea he knew Ryuuji liked and walked into the class room with determination. His boyfriend was staring at his desk like it was interesting. He looked crazy tired. Rin wanted to pick him up and carry him to a bed. He wanted to tuck him in for a long nap and guard him until he was well rested. God knows that’s the only way the aria would get some sleep. Everyone was always wanting something from him.

It made him want to growl a little but today was not for angry feelings or sounds. It was for happiness and coaxing Ryuuji into talking about why he was upset.

He dropped into the seat next to Ryuuji and set the green tea he’d bought for him down next to his text book.

“Good morning!” He exclaimed a little too loudly. Ryuuji blinked, his brow furrowing in brief confusion before he seemed to realize the tea was for him. His eyes widened and a heart-breakingly touched expression took over his face. Rin wanted to kiss that expression far away. Ryuuji shouldn’t look so deeply touched over tea.

Ryuuji turned towards him, warm eyes a little damp. “Thank you,” he murmured and leaned in towards Rin. He didn’t realize what was happening until Ryuuji was pressing a kiss to his cheek. It was thrilling (he’d barely gotten a kiss from his tired Ryuuji this week) and kinda scary because Ryuuji didn’t kiss in public. He’d hold hands and lean against Rin, he’d even cuddle if it was just the cram group, but he didn’t kiss.

Rin couldn’t keep the words in. “You okay?” He managed to keep his tail wound around his chest despite how much he wanted to wrap around Ryuuji and tug him close. He wanted to take Ryuuji away from this nonsense. He wanted him comfortable and safe. He wanted him happy again.

Ryuuji nodded slowly and opened his homework planner up. His schedule was on the first page and Rin’s heart sank when he saw Thursday was blocked again. No date night.

There was very little time for sleep written into the schedule. 

Rin poked Ryuuji’s muscular arm. “Hey,” Ryuuji’s head turned slowly towards him, “you look _really_ tired.” He trailed his hand down the arm and onto the table. 

Ryuuji blinked. “‘M fine.”

Okay… He’d have to try something else. He hadn’t intended on this working. It was just supposed to be a pick me up. 

He sighed and pushed up from the chair. He plopped down in his own seat and tried to relax. He could feel his flames pressing against his skin and he had to take a few deep breaths to keep them in.

“Rin?” Shiemi’s small hand curled around his shoulder. He leaned into the touch and wanted to bury his face in her neck. He could smell the mossy scent she always extruded and it helped him relax a little. She smelled right. “Are you okay?”

He nodded and leaned a little closer. “Just worried.”

“What about?”

He glanced at the front but Yukio wasn’t here yet. Even that was worrying.

“Same stuff.” He muttered. 

“They still won’t tell you anything?” She whispered back. She kept her hand on his shoulder. She wasn’t afraid to touch him. She knew he was upset and didn’t care. He didn’t scare her at all. “We have the study group tonight?” He nodded. “I could get everyone else to meet at Shima’s dorm? That way it’s just you and Suguro?”

Rin wanted so badly to hug her. If they weren’t in class he’d hug her and tell her everything. She was such a loyal friend. 

“He probably won’t show up.” He glanced back at the front and his frown deepened. “Yukio’s really late.”

“I saw him in the hall this morning.” She offered. “He said hi but didn’t really seem to notice me. He’s been acting so strange.”

“Could you try and talk to him during your tutoring session? He might open up if it’s you.”

She blushed because she would never realize that everyone could see her crush. He hoped he hadn’t been as obvious as she was.

Yukio _finally_ showed up and class started. He tried really hard to pay attention to what his twin was saying but he couldn’t. There were new scrapes and bruises on Yukio’s face. What was the nerd doing?

Yukio finished his lesson and left and Rin felt like he was never going to find out what was going on. His twin didn’t want to tell and he didn’t know how to get the information. He couldn’t seem to talk to Yukio properly anymore. It was like they weren’t speaking the same language.

He watched his twin walk away and slumped in his chair. Shiemi pat his back and his phone pinged. He pulled it over and saw Ryuuji had text him.

[ _want to go out tomorrow? on a date?]_

Rin twisted in his seat and saw his boyfriend staring tentatively at him. He nodded his head frantically, his smile embarrassingly wide. Ryuuji’s lips quirked up in a happy, small, smile, and he blushed as he played with his cup of tea. Rin snatched his phone back up and sent a reply.

[ _Yes!!!!!!💗💗💗💗🥰🥰🥰🥰 I’ll make dinner!!!!!💗💗💗💗💗🥰🥰🥰🥰]_

Ryuuji’s smile got bigger and bashful and _gah_ Rin wanted to kiss it.

* * *

Rin had planned a very romantic dinner and it went to shit. 

It was _probably_ his fault but dang it, he’d just wanted to do something nice for Ryuuji. He wanted it to be tasty and relaxing and he wanted Ryuuji to be able to just fucking rest. He wanted to cuddle the shit out of him and curl up against him. Hell, he wanted to sleep on top of him. Ryuuji was way more comfortable than he should be. 

Ryuuji tried to distract him with his sexy new hairstyle (fuck, Rin was going to have way too much fun playing with the new style) and a new spiral that made him somehow look more intense. It should not be allowed to look that good. 

He’d gotten their dinner and they’d eaten for all of five minutes when they just… Rin didn’t know _what_ had happened. They were just suddenly fighting.

Ryuuji, bags under his handsome eyes, was glaring. “Fucking-you’ve got to talk to me about this stuff! I can’t help you if I don’t know shit.”

It wasn’t fair. Rin wanted to talk and he wanted to share things with Ryuuji but he’d gotten distracted by the fact that Ryuuji wouldn’t tell him anything.

He slumped in his chair and poked his rice. “I know. I just… you’re so smart that I forget you don’t just automatically know things.” Ryuuji was brilliant and he was so good at guessing things. Rin had kinda thought it was obvious he was upset about Yukio and Shura. They were acting _weird_. 

Hey! He sat up a little and frowned. “Besides, it’s not like you talk about yourself either.”

Ryuuji drew back, his brow furrowing in tired irritation. “I tell you shit.”

“I heard about the fact that you suffer nightmares from Koneko.” Rin muttered and he suddenly had a lot he wanted to say. He had been fighting his protective instincts for a while but damn it, Ryuuji was not doing well and he didn’t get to lecture about sharing. “I heard about your temple from Koneko. I learned about your ambitions from Koneko. Hell, I learned that you were trying to be a dragoon from Koneko. Yesterday Koneko told me you’d skipped a dragoon lesson to finish Light’s laundry. I learn things from Koneko.”

God bless Konekomaru and his willingness to chat. He was loyal and cool and Rin was so happy they were friends.

Ryuuji looked shocked. “What?” 

Fucking hell, was Ryuuji actually an idiot? Or did he lose all his brain cells when he was tired? 

“I know I’m bad at talking about myself.” Rin stated. “I wasn’t supposed to for a really long time.” He had too much energy to stay seated. He was fighting with his urge to carry Ryuuji upstairs and make him sleep (he’d punch Light for this. How dare he make Ryuuji so tired and worn out.) He wanted to snarl and climb on top of Ryuuji. He wanted to cut through all this yammering and just kiss the hell out of his attractive boyfriend.

He wanted Ryuuji to realize he wasn’t great at sharing and that Rin _wanted_ to know all the things about him.

He huffed. “I didn’t get why until, you know. But the old man was trying to keep me safe.” He wrapped his arms around his chest. Those memories always hurt. “Probably. Then Yukio got weird.”

“You mean he hasn’t always been weird?” Rin’s scowl intensified for a moment before his expression smoothed out. Ryuuji was just trying to lighten the mood. Maybe he didn't want to fight either.

“Four eyes has always been strange. It runs in the family.” Rin held himself a little tighter. His tail curled around himself in an attempt to keep him safe. He was so worried about Yukio. He didn’t know what his twin was doing and it wasn’t good, whatever it was.

Ryuuji stood up and moved towards him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out that shit from Miwa.” Ryuuji extended his arms towards Rin and paused with an uncertain look. Rin didn’t waste any time moving towards those arms and wrapping his own around Ryuuji’s solid chest. His boyfriend curled around him and Rin tucked his face against Ryuuji’s arm. He felt warmer and almost safe.

Ryuuji slumped against him like it was too much to keep holding himself straight.

“Is that the reason you look so tired? The nightmares?” Rin asked into Ryuuji’s chest.

His boyfriend sighed and held him tighter. “They’re not that bad, promise. I’m tired as hell but I’ll be okay. I’ve been through worse.”

“You know that doesn’t make me feel better?” He kissed Ryuuji’s strong jaw and pressed closer.

 _Take_ , something dark in his mind whispered. _Claim_.

He shook the urge away. “I don’t like it when you’re hurt.”

Ryuuji snorted and nosed through his hair. “Right back at ya.”

“This is nice though.” 

“Yeah. You’re always warm. I’ve missed this.”

Rin peered up at his boyfriend. “How tired are you?”

Ryuuji yawned and looked like he was going to say something but didn’t. 

“Want to go upstairs and cuddle?” Rin’s hands slid down Ryuuji’s back until they were resting on his ass. Fuck, he loved Ryuuji’s body. “I promise not to take too much advantage of ya.”

Getting in a bed with Ryuuji was probably not a good idea. However, Rin was not letting Ryuuji leave this building without a nap. 

Ryuuji smirked down at him and Rin’s knees suddenly felt a little weak. “I’m not making that promise.” He tucked his own hands into the back pockets of Rin’s pants. That was a _very_ welcome development. Hell yes. Rin was all for a bit of making out before the nap. 

Rin dragged his boyfriend away from the dining hall and upstairs. He told Kuro to guard the lower halls and sat Ryuuji on the bed. He climbed up next to him and pressed a kiss to his tempting mouth.

Ryuuji’s arms wrapped around him and his boyfriend fell back on the bed, dragging Rin with him. He went happily, curling around his boyfriend, uncairing that a few flames were flickering in his hair. He deepened the kiss as Ryuuji rolled them onto their sides and pressed closer. He slid his hands up his boyfriend’s strong chest (he’d get him properly shirtless this way someday) and dug his fingers into the new hair style. 

Ryuuji always liked having his hair played with and now he was even more responsive. 

They kissed messily for an endless time before it shifted into something a bit lazy and tired. 

“I worry about you.” Ryuuji murmured against his lips like it was a confession. He continued to kiss as he spoke. “Everyone wants to use you and they’re all so powerful and they don’t care if you’re safe.” Endless kisses were pressed to his lips around the words, and warm hands slid down his side to hold his waist. He was tugged closer and kissed deeply.

“I’m okay,” he promised even as his heart fluttered. “I, uh, like it though. That you care.” He hid his face against Ryuuji’s neck and felt his nose wrinkle at the faint scent of sylphs that lingered there. He rubbed his cheek against the skin compulsively as Ryuuji squeezed him closer.

“I do. Care. A lot.” 

He smiled against Ryuuji’s throat and kissed the warm skin. His boyfriend hummed appreciatively and Rin felt his teeth grow a bit bigger. He wanted to bite. He wanted to kiss and hold and leave evidence that Ryuuji was his. Maybe those stupid scents wouldn’t linger on him if he did that.

“I care too. About you.” Ryuuji curled his leg over Rin’s. “I don’t like that Light works you so hard.”

Ryuuji grinned playfully. “You worry about me?”

“I worry a lot.” Rin replied petulantly. “I don’t like Light.”

Ryuuji’s brow furrowed. “A lot? About Light?”

He shook his head and lowered his eyes. Ryuuji pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “About him,” Rin murmured between slow, disarming, kisses. “About Yukio, even Shura.” 

“Huh?” Ryuuji asked, his hands warm as they slid up Rin’s back. “Sensei? Kirigakure?”

Rin hid his face against Ryuuji’s shoulder again. “I don’t wanna be but they won’t talk to me. They keep lying about what’s goin’ on. I got past Shura’s guard like four times. She’s been on another planet. And I don’t care what he says, Yukio ain’t training.”

Ryuuji didn’t say anything in response. He tilted onto his back and tugged Rin on top. He was _not_ going to complain about the new position. It made the demon part of himself purr happily to be able to protect all of his boyfriend and to have everything available to touch.

“I don’t trust Renzou.” Ryuuji admitted before he stole Rin’s lips again. It was a messy kiss, kinda sleepy and open. It felt like Ryuuji was making himself vulnerable for Rin and he was a _big_ fan of the feeling. There were a small handful of people who really trusted him and this last week had kinda made it clear that number was smaller than he’d originally thought. He got why people didn’t trust him - he wasn’t that much of an idiot - but he tried so hard to be good and trustworthy. And now…

Ryuuji was holding him close and opening up. He believed Rin wouldn’t hurt him and, fuck, Rin loved him. He loved him so much it felt like he was glowing with the force of it. He knew there were probably flames covering his body and he didn’t care.

He was going to hold Ryuuji through the night and he’d tell him he loved him tomorrow after the exorcism. 

* * *

Or not.

They were fighting a slug monster that had a name Shura had said at least five times and Rin could not remember. It was some stupidly long thing that had to be made up.

He’d had a _fantastic_ morning and now he didn’t want to think about having to sleep without Ryuuji even though his mind was mostly stuck on the idea of Ryuuji’s promises to explore ‘everything’ later. His tail wouldn’t stop wagging at the thought. 

They were in a fight though and the slug thing would just not die. Every time he sliced it more chuchi filled the air. It had already knocked Shiemi down and Rin was beyond pissed.

The demon part of himself was in full rage mode and it was at the front of his mind. He was snarling and slicing through the giant demon while he burned what chuchi were near with his flames. 

They were kind of making it work - Izumo was sending her familiars in a whirlwind around the demon to stunt it’s healing, Konekomaru was chanting the chuchi to death, and Rin was burning the fuck out of it, when he heard Renzou shriek. 

“Bon!”

The demon in his head snarled in rage. He turned on his heel, sword slashing through another flurry of chuchi, and he saw him there. A giant chuchi-just like the bug swamp- had gotten a hold of his boyfriend. It had him raised in the air with long tentacle things wrapped around his chest, arms, and _throat._ Ryuuji was thrashing to try and break free but he wasn’t strong enough.

Rin saw red and lost all control of his limbs. The demon would regret touching _his_ Ryuuji. For harming him? He would _suffer_.

He ran forward, blood pounding in his ears as his flames spread across the ground surrounding him. They burned the chuchi and slugs as he dashed until he was leaping into the air, higher than he’d ever be able to as a human, and burning away his form. He didn’t need his sword. He didn’t want to use his sword. He wanted to destroy this chuchi by hand. He wanted it to feel personal and he wanted it to hurt. 

Ryuuji was gasping for air, he was bleeding, he was _hurt._ This chuchi had hurt him. He’d choked and tried to kill him.

The wings disintegrated to ash as Rin tore through its buglike body. He got his arm around his boyfriend’s gasping body (burn, destroy, kill. No one would ever dare hurt Ryuuji again.) and draped him over his shoulder. He’d cradle him close and inspect his wounds later. For now, he needed him safe and secure.

Rin rolled him off his shoulder gently and laid him on the grass. Ryuuji immediately started to chant horsley and a few chuchi nearby disintegrated. 

Rin’s stomach twisted with want. That was his boyfriend. Levelheaded, impossibly cool, steady, certain, and so damn hot.

“OKUMURA!” Izumo shrieked and Rin’s ears rang with the volume. He shot to his feet at the warning and he sliced through a larger chuchi that had dared to get close. It shrieked as it died, regretting that it had tried to get close to Rin’s mate. 

(Huh?)

He tore through a few more demons, clearing the area around them, and darted a glance to the rest of his friends. They had cornered the slug and probably had a handle on-

Ryuuji was shuffling away and towards Shiemi. Rin had _no_ control over the way his entire body went unhappily stiff and his hands shot forward to tug Ryuuji right back where he’d had him. His nostrils flared as he caught a very weird scent mingling with his Ryuuji’s. It was a sharp, earthy, disgusting smell. Like sludge, and it did not belong on his boyfriend. It was blocking the warm scent of prayer smoke and the spicy, musky scent that was all Ryuuji. 

“Hey!” Ryuuji snapped, “What… gives?” His boyfriend’s dark eyes locked on him, annoyed at first but now flooding with gentle concern. A hint of his alluring spice broke through and it was almost enough to give Rin back his words.

He couldn’t manage them. His mouth was the wrong shape and he was so _angry_ that Ryuuji was hurt. He had to make the demons pay. They had to understand that you didn’t get to hurt Ryuuji-any of them - and live.

He tried to explain that he couldn’t let Ryuuji go, he wasn’t safe, but he couldn’t make the words come out. He couldn’t do anything but growl. 

Konekomaru approached them and he stank of the other demons. Rin growled at him - he didn’t meant to but the aria stank and that was dangerous - and pulled Ryuuji closer.

“Rin,” Ryuuji’s hand wrapped around his arm and tugged gently, “Let go.”

His boyfriend was trying to get away and it wasn’t _safe_. He snapped his jaws in warning. He wouldn’t hurt but he would stop him. Ryuuji wasn’t going anywhere. Not while Rin could stop him.

“Hey!” Shura strolled towards them and Rin growled. He was probably going to get in trouble for that but she wasn’t getting near to Ryuuji until he figured out what was causing that horrible scent. (He could smell blood too. Something had made his boyfriend bleed.)

Shura continued, unimpressed by his antics. “Parties over now. Demon’s gone and you all won. Time to pack it up, Rin.”

Rin needed a better position to fight or run from. He got to his legs and pulled Ryuuji up with him. He got an arm around his boyfriend’s chest, Ryuuji gasped a little, and took a step back. They didn’t get that Ryuuji was hurt and in danger and he wasn’t going to let them make it worse. Ryuuji was _his._ They weren’t going to get to even touch him.

Shura took a small step closer and Rin bared his teeth.

“Rin,” She warned, “don’t make me use my charm.” 

Ryuuji’s scent went sour with immediate fear. “No!” He snapped. “Just give me a damn minute, okay?”

Shura looked unimpressed but motioned for him to go ahead. Ryuuji tried to twist around and Rin tightened his grip. Ryuuji wasn’t getting away. Not until he smelled right and the blood was gone. He needed them all to leave so he could make his mate safe. He wanted to burn it all away. He wanted to make every demon near here suffer.

“Hey,” Ryuuji murmured and rubbed his arm soothingly, “it’s okay.” Ryuuji turned to look at him but Rin couldn’t take his eyes off everyone else. They were his (friends, his mind supplied but the term was meaningless right now. Ryuuji was hurt and they weren’t helping) but he couldn’t trust them yet. Not with that scent on his Ryuuji. 

Ryuuji’s hand curled around his jaw. His eyes darted down in surprise at the gentle and trusting touch. 

We’re all fine. “ Ryuuji promised, and he sounded sincere. “We got rid of it.”

Rin shook his head. Ryuuji didn’t understand. He had to make him understand. He’d promised to talk. He could try for Ryuuji. 

“Smell wrong.” He growled. He lost his very tentative hold on his flames in utter anger at the scent on his boyfriend and flared brighter. Ryuuji’s eyes slipped close to block the bright light. 

Shura said something and Ryuuji’s eyes opened back up. His thumb was rubbing circles against Rin’s cheek and it was a sensation he could latch onto. He could focus on it through the rage and confusion and the need to burn. Ryuuji was with him. His boyfriend was going to be okay. He could keep his control.

Shura moved closer and Rin growled a half hearted warning at her. 

“It had me in the air two minutes ago.” Ryuuji stated while he continued to caress Rin’s face. 

Shura said something else-Rin couldn’t look away from Ryuuji’s brown eyes-and Ryuuji gagged in response. It wasn’t a mocking gag, it was a pained, grossed out, uncomfortable gag. 

The anger surged back to the front of his mind and his flames flared out. He tugged Ryuuji closer and snarled at everyone else. The scent of fear was thick around Ryuuji and he wasn’t sure it was his fault or if it was them. He didn’t care. They were not coming near to Ryuuji.

Ryuuji wiggled around so they were facing properly. He murmured softly - Rin couldn’t understand the words- and caressed his face. 

Shura reached them and put her hand on Ryuuji’s neck. He growled a warning but… 

No. He would trust her. He wouldn’t hurt her. Rin was in charge, not the demon. These were his friends. They cared about Ryuuji as well. They wouldn’t hurt. He wouldn’t hurt them.

She pulled a wriggling worm out of Ryuuji’s neck and smashed it under her boot. Rin shot his flames forward and incinerated what was left of its remains. 

The scent was gone. It was just his Ryuuji with a hint of chuchi. Rin pulled his boyfriend close and nose at his neck. He rubbed his cheek against the warm skin and doused him in his flames. The remaining chuchi scent evaporate and it was easier to smell his warm spicy scent.

Shura sheathed his sword and he felt the demon part of himself recede, satisfied that Ryuuji was safe.

His cheeks flushed with shame as he realized he’d just growled and threatened his friends.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter is kinda nsfw. Covers chapter 18-19 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Rin woke instantly. He was typically a slow waker, holding onto the delicious warm feeling of lingering sleep. However, Rin wasn’t alone in the bed. He was laying underneath someone. He was naked and the body above him was warm and solid and- _ Ryuuji. _ It was Ryuuji.

He looked around the sunlit room and felt his lips spread up in a fang filled smile. Their clothes were scattered across the floor and it made him smile all the wider. Rin had managed to distract Ryuuji enough that he just left his clothes on the ground. His tidy boyfriend had been messy because Rin had been kissing him. 

Rin buried his nose against Ryuuji’s shoulder and inhaled deeply. His boyfriend’s scent was sharp and clear and it was almost enough to lull him back to sleep.

He didn’t quite want to sleep right now. He wanted to look and study Ryuuji’s sleeping face. He wiggled his way out from under Ryuuji (naked! His sexy boyfriend was  _ naked _ !) and moved until only his left leg was still trapped. Ryuuji was still fast asleep, thankfully, and he made a sleepy sound of discontent at losing Rin. 

A few flames flickered along Rin’s shoulders. He didn’t have to hold them in while Ryuuji was asleep.

Actually, he didn’t really have to hold them in when it was just them. Ryuuji didn’t mind his flames. Ryuuji liked him.

Ryuuji had picked him. His tail gave an excited wag as he thought about it. His boyfriend had been pursued by dozens of people and he had chosen to fall for Rin. 

Gah! It was enough to make him ignite. 

Ryuuji mumbled in his sleep again and rolled over fully on his stomach. His arm reached out until it had wrapped around Rin’s waist. He was tugged closer and he couldn’t quite keep from reaching out himself. He needed to touch. He wanted to make sure it was all real. Had he really had sex with Ryuuji? Had his boyfriend really undressed him and kissed him and called him beautiful and held him close? He could still feel the ghost touch of Ryuuji's hands, big and warm and strong as they slid over him. He'd never felt so attractive as he did with Ryuuji. His boyfriend made him feel like he wasn't weird. Ryuuji made Rin feel like he was sexy.  


Rin trailed his fingers along Ryuuji’s shoulder as gently as he could and he kept his eyes on his boyfriend’s face. Ryuuji’s face went all soft when he was asleep. The intensity seemed to fade away, leaving him younger looking, kind and strangely innocent. Damn, Rin was attracted to Ryuuji's face (his everything). He wanted to study it closer but he couldn’t risk waking Ryuuji. His boyfriend was going to sleep, darn it.

It was past noon judging by the sun so they’d already willed away a few hours in here. A few more wouldn’t hurt anyone. Rin wasn't ready to let Ryuuji go yet. He wanted him to catch up on all the sleep he'd been missing and... a weird part of him wanted to be around to watch him and make sure he was safe.   


He trailed his fingers up a little higher, careful to avoid the bruise he’d left on Ryuuji’s arm. He hadn’t meant to do that. He hadn’t realized he’d done it. It looked kinda painful. 

He leaned forward and pressed the lightest of kisses to the skin as an apology. Part of him wanted to make the spot darker. Something that would stick around. The rest of him was upset about it. He shook off and ignored the weird urge.

Rin sat up a little and shuffled around so he could see more of his boyfriend. He hadn’t gotten a chance to look his fill earlier. It had gone by too fast to really stop and take in Ryuuji’s hot body. And it was a hot body. A very hot body.

His boyfriend was really muscular. He was warm and the lines of his back were-

Rin paused, his hand hovering over Ryuuji’s shoulder blade as his eyes locked on the mark from where the chuchi had shoved its disgusting egg in his boyfriend’s neck.  He growled a little, fangs growing bigger in his mouth as he glared. He needed to check it out. He needed to get closer and see and smell. He eyed Ryuuji’s face, his boyfriend was still fast asleep, and leaned closer. Rin took a deep breath, breathing in the warm musk of Ryuuji, the scent of prayer smoke and the sharp spiciness that Rin was absolutely crazy about, and brushed the tip of his nose against the soft skin.

His stomach tightened as the slightest hint of that demon leaked through the warm scent. He growled slightly and promptly bit his lips to silence the sound. 

It was wrong. That damned chuchi had hurt his beautiful boyfriend and tried to use him as a glorified incubator. Ryuuji wasn't something to use like that. He was better than that monster's egg.   


Rin nosed at the injury and tried to figure out if there was some way he could cover it up. Some way he could replace the mark with his own. No one got to leave a mark like this on Ryuuji. (If anyone left a mark it was going to be _him.)_  


“Rin?” Ryuuji questioned softly.  


Shit. He’d woken him up. A seeking hand brushed against his thigh, reassuring Rin even when he was only half awake. “It’s really bugging me.” Rin muttered into his boyfriend’s spine. He pressed against the warm skin and earned a shiver. The alluring smell of desire leaked through Ryuuji’s scent. Rin was obsessed with that particular scent. It had taken him way too long to figure out that was what was going on but once he did, he made it a point to work Ryuuji up just so he could breathe that intoxicating scent in.   


“What is?” Ryuuji breathed, his hand tightening on Rin’s hip distractingly. 

Rin pressed closer and slid his hands up Ryuuji’s side. (There was  _ so _ much skin to explore.) “There’s a mark on your neck. I don’t like it.” He put a bit of a growl in the words and didn’t mean to.

“The chuchi?” 

Rin pulled away from his boyfriend’s tempting back before he did something he’d regret. “Stupid demon trying to mark you. I really wanna cover it with my own mark.” He added apologetically.

Ryuuji brought one shapely arm up and rested his cheek on it. He offered Rin an appraising look with a hint of a shy smile. “Please don’t break the skin. Human bites almost always get infected.” 

Rin’s stomach swooped “If I don’t break the skin?”

Ryuuji smirked. “Then I don’t care.”

Rin immediately sprang on him. He kissed the spot the chuchi had attacked and licked at it. His instincts needed to taste and he wasn’t sure  _ why _ but he wasn’t going to fight the urge. It tasted like blood, slightly sweet, and it soothed his churning heart. It wasn’t the taste, necessarily, but he wasn’t sure what it was. It just… it was right. It was Ryuuji. There wasn’t any lingering of chuchi. He was satisfied that the demon had been properly removed and he took a moment to straddle his boyfriend’s waist. 

Ryuuji slumped against the mattress as Rin began to suck and bite at the nape of his neck. It made Rin humm happily and tilt Ryuuji’s head so he could have more access to that tempting neck. 

Rin quickly lost track of himself and the time as he littered Ryuuji’s back with hickies. He explored all the exposed skin (so much naked Ryuuji! He was going to touch and taste it all.) and made note of which parts had Ryuuji gasping and (holy shit!) moaning. Like a proper ' _fuck, don't stop_ ' moan.   


“Your back is incredible, Ryuuji.” Rin purred into Ryuuji’s skin. He wanted to explore the front of his boyfriend as well. Ryuuji  _ moaned _ in reply and Rin’s tail thrashed. His boyfriend’s head tilted towards him and Rin couldn’t stop himself from kissing Ryuuji’s mouth. 

Ryuuji wiggled under him, twisting in his grip so they were chest to chest and the kiss became wild and desperate and fantastically messy. Ryuuji’s broad hands worked their way down Rin’s back until they were resting on his ass (his tail was wagging like crazy) and suddenly he was being lifted in the air and Ryuuji was turning them around. He was held close to Ryuuji’s chest by the strong arms, and then he was laying on the mattress with Ryuuji hovering above him. 

Huh. He really liked this change of position. He liked that Ryuuji was bigger than him and he liked the way Ryuuji was staring at him like he was a feast he wanted to devour. His brown hair was ruffled from the bed and he had a mark on his jaw that Rin had left earlier. He stared at it for a beat before his eyes were drawn back to Ryuuji’s shoulder. 

Rin grit his jaw to keep from purring. He really,  _ really _ liked the way the spot stood out. No one could look at that and mistake it as anything but a love bite. His tail tried to wag despite the fact that he was laying on top of it. 

Ryuuji was staring at him like he was beautiful and precious and it made him entirely breathless. Ryuuji was hovering above him but he wasn’t quite touching and Rin needed to be touching. He hooked his leg over Ryuuji’s waist (his tail was free and promptly started to wag) and he pulled him closer. Ryuuji made a needy sound that shot straight to Rin’s gut.

His hand was caught by the aria and pressed back against the mattress. He blinked up at his boyfriend in mild confusion only for Ryuuji to wrap his broad hand around his right bicep and press it down as well.  Rin could free himself with very little effort but boy-oh-boy did he not want to. He wanted to see where Ryuuji was going with this. He liked the idea of Ryuuji taking charge and having his way with Rin. 

Ryuuji leaned closer, eyes intent and Rin could not have looked away if the room caught fire. (Hell, he was probably on fire right now.) 

“How many marks did you leave?” Ryuuji asked throatily. 

Rin’s mind blanked out for a nervous moment. Ryuuji didn’t look upset. He looked… seductive. Rin hadn’t seen this expression before and he wanted more of it.

“Including the one on your shoulder?” Ryuuji nodded, brown eyes dark and intense. “Five? I think?” Rin’s tail thumped under the heaviness of that gaze and Ryuuji’s eyes darted to watch it. He could feel himself flush with mild embarrassment. He was such a freak.  


“Looks like I,” Ryuuji’s eyes turned back on him, “need to catch up.” Rin’s breath hitched loudly as Ryuuji leaned towards him, somehow seeming bigger and, yeah, there was no way Rin wasn’t currently on fire. “The only question is where.”

What was happening? There was no way his naked and stunning boyfriend wanted to mark him up. He couldn’t want it like Rin wanted it. Rin wasn’t Ryuuji. He wasn’t a breath-taking catch. He was a funny looking halfling with a lot of baggage.

Ryuuji’s head dropped and he kissed at Rin’s throat. His tail thrashed and he couldn’t keep his confusion in.

“You-”, he couldn’t get rid of the look of shock on his face, “you want to mark  _ me?” _

Ryuuji immediately popped back up and looked down at him with a confused frown. “Yeah. I want to mark you.” He shrugged and his thumb caressed Rin’s wrist. “It’s a bitch ‘cause your skin heals so quickly but I’m determined and I have time. I think I can manage to leave a few.”

Rin’s hips twitched against Ryuuji because, fuck, that sounded fun. Still... “But, why?”

Ryuuji adjusted slightly so he was settled more fully between Rin’s legs. It made him dizzy to think of all the things they could do and the idea that Ryuuji wanted him like that stole the air from his lungs. 

Ryuuji kissed his jaw. “Why wouldn’t I want to mark you? You’re my boyfriend.”

Rin couldn’t meet Ryuuji’s eyes. He was so attractive and Rin had a fucking tail. He was a special kind of freak. At least he could sort of hide the fangs even if they were a hazard. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “but I’m not like you.”

“What’s that mean?”

And now Rin was blushing in embarrassment. Just great. “You’re hot. You’re smart and a fuckin’ catch.” 

Ryuuji released his bicep and suddenly his hand was brushing over Rin’s face. It was a soft, gentle caress that stole his breath. “You’re incredible.” Ryuuji murmured softly, his brown eyes warm and beckoning, like hot chocolate on a cold day. “Did you know your eyes are stunning? There are so many blues and sometimes there’s a hint of red. When you’re fighting they’ll burn and they steal my breath.” Ryuuji shook his head like he couldn’t fathom the way Rin’s eyes looked. “Fuck, Rin, they make me feel like I’ve been punched.” 

Rin’s mouth popped open in shock. He hadn’t known any of that. He hadn’t realized Ryuuji liked his eyes and now he felt bashful and curious about what else Ryuuji might have noticed. He couldn't quite believe it and he wanted to blurt out that Ryuuji's eyes were prettier but he couldn't quite manage it. Not when Ryuuji was staring at him like he was _everything._  


And the  _ details _ . Ryuuji didn’t just say: you have pretty eyes, he explained it and, damn, Rin knew he was a bit of a closet romantic but he hadn’t realized what hearing his boyfriend compliment his eyes would do. His heart felt like it was going to hammer out of his chest, and judging by Ryuuji’s expression, his boyfriend was just getting started. Rin wasn't certain he'd make it through the full list.   


Ryuuji’s fingers trailed over to his ear and dragged along the sensitive shell. He could feel his tail thrash at the feel and he had to fight to stay still. He wanted to be good for Ryuuji. It seemed important to his boyfriend that he stayed still and darn it, he was going to stay still.  


“These baffle me." Ryuuji murmured, a soft smile playing on his lips that Rin was so weak for, "I’ll never get how you managed to hide them in your hair for so long. They distract me every time I see them. I love,” he ran the tip of his finger along the outer rim and Rin trembled again, “how sensitive they are. I can pick you out of any crowd because of these and I love that too.” 

Rin wasn’t going to make it through all of this. He hated his ears and how weird they were but… Ryuuji absolutely meant what he was saying. He could see the certainty in his warm eyes and Rin was surrounded by his thick scent and he felt  _ safe _ . 

Ryuuji tapped Rin’s gasping lips. “Love this too. You distracted me for so long. Missed half of what you were saying before we started dating. Couldn’t stop staring. Got called out on it too.” He dipped his finger inside to trace Rin’s bottom fangs. Rin’s mouth automatically opened wider, he wanted Ryuuji to have access to whatever he wanted. He trusted Ryuuji. He  _ wanted _ Ryuuji. All of him. Everything. 

Ryuuji traced his fangs, his lips lifting in a wicked grin. “You  _ know  _ I like these. Kissing you is dangerous. Makes me feel alive. They poke out when you’re really happy. You know that?”

Oh, he hadn’t. He hadn’t known any of that. He wasn’t sure what to do with the information or the strange tightening, twisty feeling in his stomach. Ryuuji’s gaze wouldn’t let him move and his solid body was so close and warm. He couldn’t believe it all. He couldn’t understand how Ryuuji would find him attractive when he looked like this. Ryuuji wouldn't let him move though. He was stuck there. He had to listen to the tender words and feel every single one of Ryuuji's caresses. He wanted it all and he wanted to hide.   


As if he knew Rin’s thoughts were drifting towards sadness Ryuuji kissed him. It was too quick to properly enjoy but he felt his heart thump. 

“Honesty time,” Ryuuji murmured as he pushed up and released Rin’s wrist. Rin wasn't certain he could take anymore honesty. He felt more than naked right now.  


“I’m-demi? That what you called it?” Rin nodded and tried to suck in a breath. He needed Ryuuji closer. His skin was buzzing with want. “I’m demi and I realized something was up because of this.” He ran both hands up Rin’s chest and it punched all the air Rin had managed to gather right back out. “I was just minding my business when you jumped in my bath. I couldn’t blink, couldn’t  _ breathe  _ .” He snorted out a fond breath as Rin’s mind went skipping through memories to try and recall when he’d jumped in a bath with Ryuuji. He wanted to high five his past self for taking that initiative if it had gotten them here. He wanted Ryuuji closer but he felt safe again with his touch.   


Ryuuji kept his hands on Rin’s side, big hands holding him steady. “Couldn’t look away from the stupid water trailing down your chest. Wanted to lick it off.” Ryuuji’s eyes went wide and he tilted his head as a devilish smile lifted his kissable lips. “Might have to check out the baths in this old building. I could finally live out that fantasy.”

Oh  _ hell _ yea. Rin was on board for that. Playing out a fantasy with Ryuuji sounded like a fantasy in and of itself. Oh fuck, he could picture Ryuuji in the water, hair wet with water trailing over his chest and his boyfriend licking his way down’s Rin chest-

It was too much of an image and he couldn’t hold his hips still. He pressed up, looking for friction and pressure. Ryuujis pulled away (Rin might have growled, he couldn’t tell) but he made up for the distance by pressing his thigh against Rin’s cock and  _ holy shit _ was that a fantastic development. 

“Now this,” Ryuuji continued, his hand wrapping loosely around Rin’s tail as if Rin had any available brain space to actually listen. “This...” Ryuuji blew at the fur on the tip of his tail and it was a wonder that his entire body wasn’t on fire yet. “You’re so expressive with it. Fucked me up the first time you draped it on my shoulder.” 

Rin would never forget how nervous he’d been when that happened. He could still see Ryuuji’s eyes widening and his breath hitching. He’d wanted to pounce on the aria then. It was only with extreme effort that he didn’t do it now. 

Ryuuji  _ blushed. _ “I uh, like how it’s always winding itself ‘round me.” Ryuuji confessed bashfully and Rin couldn’t stop himself from tightening his grip on his boyfriend and tugging him nearer. “I like that it lets me know you’re near and that it can help me know how you’re feeling. Makes me feel wanted.”

Rin couldn’t explain it, but he was growing restless under his boyfriend. All these quiet words whispered to him, all the trusting looks and gentle touches… They were making him breathless and there was an ache rising in his chest that he couldn’t get rid of. He needed to touch Ryuuji. He needed so much more. 

“Ryuuji,” he pleaded, reaching for his boyfriend’s arms. He felt like he was going to fall apart and Ryuuji was so far away. He wanted to feel him close and bury his face in Ryuuji's neck. He wanted to grind against him again and hear Ryuuji shout his name.   


“Shh,” Ryuuji murmured before kissing him too quickly to ease the need. “Not finished yet.” His boyfriend was still holding him and that was the  _ only _ reason Rin din’t flip him over and take what he wanted. 

“Not yet. I’ve only talked about your looks. And as hot as you are, that’s not what made me fall for you.” He tapped Rin’s nose. It felt like Ryuuji was opening up every dark corner of his image issues and lighting it up. Not to shame but to embrace and encourage. He hadn't looked too closely at himself since the changes but... Ryuuji was holding him and there just wasn't anywhere to hide from that gaze. Ryuuji was pointing out all the parts he didn't like and he was bathing them in his soft words like they weren't just not weird, they were actually attractive. 

Ryuuji tapped his nose. “Demi, right?” 

Rin nodded and Ryuuji rewarded his answer by rolling his leg against Rin’s cock and he couldn’t stop his body from spasming and his tail from tugging Ryuuji closer. He'd have blushed at his stupid appendage but apparently Ryuuji liked his tail. Fuck, Rin really liked having it wrapped around Ryuuji.   


That moment, that crazy, heady, moment, was when Ryuuji brought his talented lips to Rin’s throat and he started to suck at the skin. 

Rin had not been prepared. He knew there was a kinda big part of himself that wanted to take Ryuuji and mark him up. A part of himself that wanted to make it clear that Ryuuji was _his_. A possessive part that wanted the aria for himself. He did  _ not _ know that there was a part of himself that wanted Ryuuji to do the same thing to himself.  Ryuuji was marking him up and, fucking hell, Rin wanted to be claimed by Ryuuji. It felt incredible and he was not going to be able to get enough of this. Ryuuji had him pinned as well so there was nowhere to go and he could only roll his hips restlessly and thrash under the attention. He was vaguely aware that he was babbling but he couldn’t possibly stop it.

Ryuuji pressed a last kiss to the mark and pulled away. “You’ve got a tenacity I really admire.” He stated as he moved down Rin’s body towards his shoulder. “You’re bold and stick to your beliefs. Even when others disagree.”

Rin couldn’t breathe. Ryuuji was using his sexy voice and it felt like he was doing the opposite of a death verse. If Rin could manage to open his eyes he wouldn’t have been surprised to see magic glittering around them. 

“I think,” Ryuuji continued softly and it made Rin’s heart pound wildly to hear his boyfriend use that confessional, trusting, tone, “you were the first person who didn’t laugh at my ambitions.”

Rin somehow managed to string a few words together because, damn it, this was important. “Didn’t see anything funny.” 

Another mark was left and Rin was once again thrashing against the bed. Ryuuji held onto his waist, coaxing him closer and grounding him. 

“You were so frustrating. Always trying to do shit yourself. Knew you’d be incredible but thought you’d get hurt before you could do anything.” Ryuuji pressed another kiss to the spot and Rin’s hands were tight on his boyfriend’s shoulders. He was probably leaving nail marks but he couldn’t let go. “Made so much sense when I found out. Then you still put all that effort into helping me after I was an ass. You don’t give up on people. I’m sorry for the things I said.”

No! He wasn’t going to let his boyfriend feel guilty for that. He’d messed up. He should have trusted them. Besides, Ryuuji had already made up for any sadness that had happened. 

“Ryuuji,” he choked out, desperate and aroused and so,  _ so _ in love. “I know. ‘s okay.”

“No, it wasn’t." Ryuuji kissed his shoulder softly. He was helpless against it and wanted so badly to pull Ryuuji closer and do something about the burning need in his gut. He couldn't hurt Ryuuji though. He'd hold on to his wavering control for Ryuuji. 

Ryuuji pulled back and whispered. "I think that was when I realized I didn’t want to ever lose your friendship. Was kinda worried I already had.”

Rin grabbed Ryuuji’s face and pulled him forward. He devoured his mouth in a kiss and tried to make it clear that Ryuuji was not in danger of losing Rin. Ryuuji was his and he wasn’t going anywhere. Not when Ryuuji’s smile could make him dizzy and the aria spent so much time explaining just why he was crazy about Rin. He loved Ryuuji and wanted to shout if from the roof. He wanted to pull Ryuuji closer and touch all of him and watch him in his pleasure. He couldn’t stop touching and kissing until Ryuuji forced him back. 

Rin swallowed his growl and gripped the sheets to keep from grabbing his boyfriend. 

He became  _ utterly _ lost a moment later when Ryuuji’s broad hand wrapped around his cock and everything that wasn’t Ryuuji became distant and unimportant. He was yammering way too much and had no idea what was falling from his mouth. Ryuuji was watching him, eyes studious like always, memorizing his reactions and fuck if that didn’t just make everything hotter. 

He was embarrassingly close and Ryuuji just kept watching, a look of adorable concentration on his attractive face. Rin couldn’t get away. He didn’t want to. He wanted Ryuuji to see everything and take him anyway. 

“I never thought about this until I met you.” Ryuuji murmured and ran his free hand up to Rin’s hip. “Want to try it all with you.”

It was too much. Ryuuji meant it. He could hear the truth in the words and he felt so safe wrapped up in his scent and touch. “Me too.” He choked. He wrapped him closer, needing to touch and hold his Ryuuji. 

“Are you close?”

Rin could hardly think let alone manage words. “Fuc-hnng,” he gasped and bucked in Ryuuji’s hold, “Yes.”

“Good.” Ryuuji drew close, eyes locked on Rin’s. “In case it isn’t obvious,” Ryuuji swallowed thickly, his fingers tangling with Rin’s and holding him close. “I love you, Rin.”

Rin’s mind and vision whited out in shock and ecstasy. Ryuuji loved  _ him. _ Ryuuji saw him, all his messy, weird, self, and loved him. He knew about his possessiveness, his demonic tendencies, his guilt, his anger, his worst parts, and loved him. Rin was positively glowing and he was going to shout to everyone that Ryuuji loved him and he loved Ryuuji. Fuck, he loved him so damn much.   


He came back to himself a few moments later and found his boyfriend watching him with a hungry, happy stare that was just a little too much. Really, he couldn't be blamed for springing at Ryuuji and doing the same thing to him. 

(They didn't get any more sleep but Rin had no complaints and he made certain Ryuuji didn't either.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers events in chapter 24 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Rin paced back and forth and tried not to. Ryuuji was still gone. It had been _hours,_ and Ryuuji was still out. No one knew where he was and no one had heard anything. He knew his lover was going to be busy all day but he still couldn’t help but panic every time he looked at his unanswered texts.

Ryuuji wasn’t a particularly enthusiastic texter-Rin loved his dry responses and how grammatically correct he always was - but he did respond regularly. The fact that he hadn’t gotten any responses since noon...Rin was worried.

Rin had had a great day too. He’d had lunch with the entire group and they’d gone on to play some games and even got a few hours of homework done. He’d chatted with Konekomaru and found out that Ryuuji’s nightmares were getting better. He’d had to be careful not to mention anything about Section 13. He didn’t know what Konekomaru knew and he wasn’t going to do anything to put Ryuuji at risk.

Rin glanced at his phone. Still no texts and it was nearly one am. Yukio was fast asleep (thankfully) but Rin kinda wanted to wake him so he could have some company. He’d been texting Konekomaru but even he had fallen asleep by now. Shiemi had stopped replying hours ago. He'd cooked lunches for the rest of the week and he'd nervously made a pot of hot chocolate that he didn't feel like drinking.

Rin plopped down on his bed and began to rock back and forth with excess energy and worry. He managed to sit for all of a minute before he was flopping back and rolling up in a nervous bundle in his blankets. He peaked over at his twin and saw him still laying on his side, mouth open on a quiet snore. His bandaged arm was draped over his chest and his blanket had been mostly kicked off. It was too cold in here for him to sleep like that.

He wiggled out from his blanket cocoon and padded quietly across the floor. He’d gotten good at moving across this room without waking his twin. Rin tugged the blanket up and around his brother’s shoulders before he sat back on his heels. 

He wished he knew what was going on with him. Yukio was always so damn quiet about himself and he always over thought everything. Rin had always thought they were decent at telling each other stuff but the whole ‘Son of Satan’ thing had blown that belief right up. 

He hopped up and shook his hands to try and release the energy but it didn’t help. He trudged back to his bed and belly flopped on it. 

_Ping!_

Rin knocked his pillow off the bed in his eagerness to get to his phone. He snatched it up, flipped it open, and peered down at the new message.

It was from Ryuuji.

_[You still up?]_

Rin was fairly certain he’d never replied to a text so quickly in his life. _[Yes!]_ He immediately began to type a second reply because he could hardly breathe around the worry. [ _r u ok?]_

He squeezed his phone, breath coming out in a worried huff, and it began to vibrate. Ryuuji’s name and face popped up as his boyfriend called him. Rin hit the answer button and immediately pressed the phone to his ear.

“Ryuuji?” He whispered and glanced at his still sleeping twin.

“Hey…” Ryuuji’s voice was exhausted and soft and Rin had never wanted so badly to climb through a phone to get to the person on the other side. “I’m okay, don’t worry.”

Rin snatched his pillow back up. “Too late.” He murmured into the phone. He wrapped his arm around the pillow and hugged it to his chest. “You’ve been gone for a really long time.” A really horribly long time without any contact and Rin wanted to see him. There was no telling what the hell Ryuuji had gotten into while he was out. He didn’t trust Light to watch out for him. Rin didn’t trust Light at all. 

“It’s been a hell of a day.” Ryuuji returned around a yawn. Rin clicked the volume up on his phone. “Lots to catch you up on. Kinda hate that we’ve both got dorm mates.” Ryuuji huffed out a tired breath and Rin’s superior hearing could hear his fabric shifting. Was he moving? Leaning against something? Where was he? “I just want to climb in bed next to you -” Rin’s breath hitched, “you’re better than a heated blanket - and cuddle. Want to forget today and get some fuckin’ sleep.”

Fuck, he wanted that to. He wanted it more than he wanted his next breath. He wanted Ryuuji soft and safe in his arms. Ryuuji was deliciously strong but he didn’t have demonic healing and he was always throwing himself into fights to try and keep other people safe. (It didn’t matter that Rin did the same thing. He could heal.)

Rin flopped over on his side and curled around his pillow. “There are other rooms.” He offered. He swallowed and tried not to sound too desperate. He needed his boyfriend back and safe. There was a growly part of himself that wanted to steal Ryuuji back and snap at Light for putting him in danger.

Ryuuji didn’t answer so he continued. “He won’t notice if I’m not here. I can leave a note and tell him I’m fine and that I’ll see him for the exorcism.” He was speaking faster but he was still quiet. “I wanna see you. Wanna fall asleep with you.”

Ryuuji sighed and Rin’s heart thumped with worry. “I don’t know how much later I’ll be. You should be asleep. We’ve got that exorcism tomorrow.”

No! Rin was _not_ letting his stupid boyfriend hang up under the intention of helping him. Rin didn’t need sleep. He needed reassurance that Ryuuji was okay.

“Nope.” Rin growled and sat up properly. “Don’t try that shit. I’m not going to sleep until I know you’re safe.”

There was a hint of a smile in Ryuuji’s voice. “I am.”

Rin discarded the pillow. “Until I see you safe.”

Ryuuji snorted and Rin’s eyes slipped shut to savor the sound. “I can take care of myself, Rin. Don’t worry.”

Too fucking late for that. Rin had done nothing but worry since Light had popped into their lives. 

He got up. “I’m going to be in our room. You can join me at any time. I don’t care how late it is.” He got to the door and opened it as carefully as he could. He shut it quietly and tip toed down the hall. “I still have a pair of your pajamas.” He blushed at the confession and hoped Ryuuji didn’t think it was weird. He’d found them after Ryuuji had hung out while Yukio was in the hospital. He’d just kinda… kept them. He’d had no intentions of returning them. At least not until they no longer held any hint of Ryuuji’s scent. He swallowed and continued. “Don’t ask why - but you can also sleep naked. I have extra pillows and can promise you a warm bed.”

He kinda liked the idea of sleeping naked. Not ‘cause he wanted to get it on or anything - he’d gladly do anything with Ryuuji whenever his boyfriend wanted - but because he wanted to feel him. He could still remember the feel of Ryuuji’s full weight on him, pressing him into the mattress. His scent everywhere, Ryuuji surrounding all his senses, on top, around, every direction. He wanted that now. He had a feeling the physical weight of Ryuuji would help to ease the pain of worry in his chest.

“I’ll even make you breakfast in the morning.” He offered with a hum as he trudged down the hall. He could hear Kuro at the other end. “Anything else I can do to sweeten the deal?”

Ryuuji’s voice was hardly a murmur. He only heard it because of his demonic senses. “Join me in the naked thing.” 

“Mmm. Deal.” Rin purred back. He found Kuro and lifted him up. The cat curled up in his arms and peered up at him with curious eyes. Rin continued down the hall, desperately listening into the phone. He couldn’t hear Ryuuji breathing. Had they lost the connection?

“You still there?” Rin whispered.

Ryuuji inhaled sharply and Rin’s eyes slipped shut in relief. “Yep. Just thinking.” 

He pushed the door to their room open and went straight to the bed. “You do that a lot.” He noted. 

There was a faint thump on the phone and Ryuuji released a long, shaky, exhale. Rin wanted to climb next to him and wrap him up in a tight embrace.

“Tell me about your day?” Ryuuji asked softly. “Want to hear your voice.”

Rin sat up and pet Kuro with a hand that didn’t shake. “Well,” he began, trying to keep a bubbly tone, “Konekomaru tricked me into studying and I’m still convinced Izumo cheats at cards.”

Ryuuji laughed and Rin’s tail wagged.

“She won five bags of gummies off me. She got three bags of chips off Renzou.” 

“You know she doesn’t play fair when snacks are involved.” Ryuuji commented. 

“She doesn’t! And then Shiemi figured the rules out and she somehow beat all of us. She doesn’t even like gummies.” He tried for a goofy tone and earned another quiet, huffed, laugh. 

He leaned back against the wall, petting Kuro and absorbing all the quiet sounds he could coax out of Ryuuji. He chatted about anything that came to his mind for almost an hour and then there was a strange beep.

“Shit,” Ryuuji muttered. “My phone’s dying.”

Rin’s tail went rigid and he could hear his case crack a little from how tightly he was suddenly clutching his phone. He tried to loosen his grip. “Ryuuji-” He swallowed. “I love you. Okay? Please don’t do anything dangerous and hurry-”

The line clicked off and Rin laid still with the phone still pressed to his ear. 

“Rin?” Kuro asked with a curious head tilt. 

“His phone died.” He sat up and exhaled nervously. “He, uh… He’s at the vatican? He should be okay. Right?”

Kuro shrugged unhelpfully. 

All the nervous energy was back with a vengeance. He got up and wrapped his arms around himself and glanced around at the dusty room.

Oh! He could clean it for Ryuuji! That’d give him something to do and his boyfriend would really appreciate it. Ryuuji always seemed to have trouble concentrating when things were messy. Rin wanted him to be relaxed whenever he finally got here. Rin was pretty sure he’d come over. He’d seemed willing.

Rin jogged out of the room and quietly made his way downstairs. He’d gathered his cleaning supplies, phone chargers, a couple of glasses of water, Ryuuji’s pajamas, and a couple of extra blankets. He considered food as well but he figured Ryuuji would probably be too tired and Ryuuji was good about carrying protein bars around. He found Ryuuji’s jacket and promptly donned it. The familiar scent of his boyfriend warmed him up and gave him the focus to clean.

He killed another hour that way and it was past three. 

Rin climbed back on his bed and wrapped his arms around himself. Kuro had abandoned him to patrol the halls again and now he was getting nervous. He’d already done all his homework and he couldn’t be too loud.

He pulled his headphones out and plugged them in. It took him a few seconds to pull up his chant playlist (he had six recordings now) and set them to playing. It started with the newest one and he got the delight of hearing Ryuuji break into a laugh at the end of the chant as he realized Rin was recording him. 

He scrolled through his phone looking up memes and saving a few to show to the others after the stupid exorcism tomorrow.

(He was going to burn the thing immediately if Ryuuji didn’t get back soon. Rin wasn’t letting Ryuuji fight something dangerous when they were all low on sleep. His boyfriend had a stupidly impressive memory and could probably manage to chant a plethora of demons to death on no sleep but Rin needed him safe and happy. He’d happily take out a bunch of demons to keep his Ryuuji safe. 

He watched the minutes tick by until it was past four. He was feeling fidgety and twitchy and he was contemplating running up to the roof so he could flame up and release the crazy amount of worry without putting anyone else at risk.

The door opened quietly and his head snapped up to find Ryuuji staring at him. He scrambled off the bed and across the room before he could manage an exhale and grabbed Ryuuji’s (handsome) face in his hands. 

“Ryuuji?” Rin tugged his boyfriend in the room properly and towards the light. There were a few new scratches on his face. Someone had hurt his Ryuuji. “Are you okay?”

Ryuuji yawned while he answered. “I’m fine.” He deposited his bag on the floor and wrapped his arm around Rin’s waist. He was tugged close and kissed eagerly. Rin tightened his grip on his boyfriend’s face and pressed into the kiss with a happy noise he couldn’t stop. He explored Ryuuji’s mouth with leisurely sweeps of his tongue and felt his boyfriend sway dangerously. Rin pulled back with one last peck and put a supportive hand on Ryuuji’s elbow. His boyfriend tucked his shoes beside the door and Rin shuffled a little closer.

Ryuuji didn’t smell right. He hadn’t noticed it at first because he’d been so damned happy to see Ryuuji but there was something sour and heavy in his scent. Beside the sylph’s scent that always tried to cling to Ryuuji’s skin.

Ryuuji tugged his jacket off and commented that he was cold. Rin grabbed the jacket and discarded shirt (nearly naked Ryuuji!) and set them on the desk so they wouldn’t be on the floor because Ryuuji liked to take care of his clothes. 

Ryuuji got rid of the rest of his clothes, minus his boxers, and climbed onto the bed. Rin plugged their phones into the charger -he felt mildly bad for when his phone had died on the Amori mission, he now knew how terrible it was not to have contact - and he scrambled into the bed after him. Ryuuji opened his arms and Rin tucked himself next to his handsome boyfriend. Ryuuji flopped backwards on the bed with another yawn. 

The other smell was stronger like this. It was vaguely familiar and it was blocking all of Ryuuji’s natural scent. The warm spices, the comforting prayer smoke, the sharp, deep, musky scent that was just Ryuuji. All of it was covered by that other foul stench. He hated it. 

“You got any plans tomorrow afternoon?” Ryuuji grunted into Rin’s hair. 

He almost shook his head but didn’t want to dislodge Ryuuji. “Not after that exorcism.”

“Wanna hang out?” Ryuuji tugged Rin’s leg over his legs and Rin took that as an invitation to flop on top of him. He wrapped him up and tried to ignore the strong, foul, scent. 

“Like a date?!” Rin’s tail coiled around his boyfriend’s thigh and held him close. He wanted a date. He wanted uninterrupted boyfriend time. 

“Doesn’t need to be anything big.” 

“I want!” Rin’s arm wrapped around Ryuuji’s chest. “I’ll make us dinner and we can hide out in here so the others don’t bug us.” He’d happily kick Yukio out for a few hours. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have to. His stupid twin probably had more ‘training’ to do anyway.

Ryuuji yawned again. “Sic Kuro on them.” Rin couldn’t quite stop himself from dragging his nose up Ryuuji’s throat in search for someplace that still smelled right. “Do I stink?”

“Kinda?” Rin admitted in a strangled voice. He couldn’t find any spot that smelled like Ryuuji and he really didn’t like it. “It’s kinda making me tense.”

Ryuuji tilted his head to the side and Rin’s arm tugged him closer. “Go ahead.”

He nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck and considered scenting him to see if that fixed the problem but he knew it wasn’t allowed without permission and he was too embarrassed to ask. He was stupid to be upset about it but it was making his stomach tight. 

Rin inhaled sharply and tried to place the scent. “You smell like...” Rin trailed off as he suddenly realized _where_ he knew that scent from. He reflexively nipped at the junction of Ryuuji’s shoulder and neck. He wanted to mark his lover so no one would be able to foul his scent like this in the future. He didn’t know what the fuck Mephisto was doing around his Ryuuji, but he’d kick his ass for spreading his foul stench on _Rin’s_ boyfriend. 

“Why do you smell so much like him ?” He sounded childish and didn’t care. Ryuuji stank of another demon and every instinct he had was writhing with anger. It was making his stomach tight and he didn’t understand why Ryuuji smelled like this. He needed to stake a claim and mark his territory. Because Ryuuji was his and not Mephisto’s. He’d fight the demon king if he had to. (That was probably a stupid idea but the stench was making Rin’s brain short circut in a very bad way.)

He’d spent an entire day worrying about Ryuuji and Mephisto had had his damned hands on the aria. Had Ryuuji allowed the scenting? Had he encouraged it?

No. Ryuuji wouldn’t do that. Ryuuji wasn’t anyone’s possession. Rin was permitted to scent him because Ryuuji allowed him to. 

“I’m guessing you’re not talking about Light?”

Rin could feel his face twitching with the urge to change. His fangs were already getting too big for his mouth. He tried to press a kiss to his Ryuuji’s shoulder and his teeth caught on his boyfriend’s clavicle. 

He drew back and his face shifted so his jaw was bigger. “Mephisto.” He snarled. He’d kill his older half brother if that monster had hurt Ryuuji. (Yeah, he knew he couldn’t actually hurt him but he didn’t care. He’s still try)

Ryuuji huffed out an annoyed breath. “Probably because I saw much more of him than I really wanted today.”

What? Rin popped up and glowered down at _his_ boyfriend. Ryuuji looked so tired and those cuts seemed bigger now that he knew Mephisto had been involved somehow. How dare that bastard hurt his Ryuuji.

Rin growled. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I’ll give you a summary. I can go into the full story tomorrow.” Ryuuji tried to sit up but Rin pushed him flat and growled again. He pressed his own body against Ryuuji’s, caging him in with a warning nip. 

“What did he do?” Rin snapped. His hands wrapped around Ryuuji’s and pinned them down. His boyfriend was not getting away until Rin knew everything. Ryuuji liked to keep things quiet so he didn’t ‘worry’ Rin like his silence wasn’t scary. Rin wasn’t letting that happen. Not this time. 

_Take!_ Something in his head ordered. It was a dark, seductive voice that he really wanted to listen to. _Claim him NOW!_

Rin’s teeth were growing bigger and he could smell fear through the stench of Mephisto. His stomach turned. Before he could do anything (take, take _TAKE_ ) Ryuuji shoved his legs up and knocked Rin right off his balance. He fell forward with a yelp and before he knew what was going on Ryuuji had his ear caught fast and was weaving their fingers together gently. 

Ryuuji tugged on his ear. “Calm down, moron.”

That _hurt._ Not a lot, but Ryuuji hadn’t pulled much. He didn’t realize Ryuuji could use his ears against him. Ryuuji had only teased him with them. He’d kissed and nibbled and distracted a lot but never hurt.

That was probably a kind of dumb overlook on his part.

( _Claim him! Taste his blood!)_

Ryuuji stared up at him, brown eyes serious and exhausted. “I’m fine and I’ve already told you I’m not a possession.”

Rin wanted to respond but there were too many voices screaming in his head to fight and take. He needed to stake a claim on Ryuuji before someone hurt him again. Ryuuji was his, damnit. 

He growled and felt a few flames burn out of his skin. He tried to pull them back in and lost control of his face to do it. 

Ryuuji continued looking up at him and tugged him a little closer by his ear. Rin went because he couldn’t fight the urges and Ryuuji's pull. 

“I’m not going to tell you anything until you calm down. It’s late as hell and I want to sleep.” His boyfriend pressed a kiss to Rin’s flickering hair and Rin focused on that feeling. It was something he could latch onto through all the noise. 

Ryuuji’s lips brushed across his forehead. “I know the possessiveness is a problem for you. We’ll figure it out.”

It was a promise but the shame still made Rin blush. “I’m trying.” He grunted around a mouth that was too big and features that were demonic. He was such a special kind of freak even if Ryuuji loved him. 

Brushing his nose against Ryuuji’s throat didn’t help. “I can still smell him.”

Ryuuji’s hand squeezed around his. Another anchor he could hold onto. “Where?”

It was all of him. Thick and awful and not his warm Ryuuji. “Everywhere but your head.” Rage hit him unexpectedly (who was he kidding? It hadn’t left since he caught a whiff of that scent) and his body lit with angry flames. 

“What can I do to help you calm down?” He could smell fear through Mephisto’s stench and hear it in Ryuuji’s words.

Rin licked at Ryuuji’s throat. Why wasn’t this working? Rubbing against Ryuuji always got rid of the other scents. He wiggled closer, wincing as it pulled at his ear but he needed to understand why he couldn’t get rid of the smell.

“I’m not having sex with you right now.” Ryuuji stated blandly.

_(TAKE HIM! CLAIM YOUR MATE! SHOW HIM WHO HE BELONGS TO!)_

Rin drew back in startled surprise at the shriek in his mind and felt like his head was pounding from the volume. His teeth were throbbing with a strange urge and he just knew his demonic half wanted him to _bite_ his boyfriend. 

“No!” He shouted at the voice in his head. He was Rin, not the demon. He was _Rin._

Ryuuji blinked up at him in surprise. “Huh?”

Rin shook his head to try and clear his thoughts. Ryuuji loosened his grip a little so Rin could complete the motion. He almost caressed the lobe and it was something to hold onto. Something to feel past the angry snarl in his head.

Think. What had Ryuuji asked? Oh. Sex. Ryuuji had been talking about sex. 

“Nothing like that. I...” He immediately blushed and averted his gaze from Ryuuji’s understanding gaze. He couldn’t think about that right now. Not when the demon was so loud and his stupid teeth were throbbing. “I couldn’t trust myself.” The voice screamed for Ryuuji and he lost control of his flames. Rin pulled them back in and focused on the hand Ryuuji had around his ear and the squeeze of his fingers woven around Rin’s. They were holding him, grounding him. He was human. He was _human_ and not the demon.

Ryuuji looked confused and Rin was suddenly horribly worried that his boyfriend might think Rin was rejecting him. As if Rin would ever reject Ryuuji. (He was salivating just thinking about Ryuuji.)

“I want you.” He rushed. “A lot. If I can’t control myself I might hurt you. I ain’t risking it.”

( _HE WILL BE CLAIMED BY OTHERS! TAKE HIM! MARK HIM!)_

He winced and fought off a full change. He would not risk Ryuuji. He was stronger than the monster inside himself. 

“Hey,” Ryuuji squeezed his hand. “I’ve got an idea. A two step plan.” Ryuuji let go of his hand and Rin immediately moved it up to his boyfriend’s bicep. He wanted to get a grip on something and Ryuuji had a lot of bicep.

“What?” He had to swallow a mouthful of saliva as his gaze darted to Ryuuji’s tempting throat. He could leave a big hickey on it that everyone would see. He wouldn’t have to break the skin. He could probably hold himself back.

Ryuuji tilted his head submissively and every nerve in Rin’s body shot to _immediate_ attention. He sprang towards his boyfriend’s alluring throat and kissed along it until he heard Ryuuji’s deep voice softly murmuring. 

“Day by day, we magnify thee. When our hymns in school we raise; daily work begun and ended, with the daily voice of praise.” 

The verse. Ryuuji remembered -because of course he did - and he was trying to calm Rin. He rubbed against his boyfriend’s neck and focused on the words and the warm feelings they brought forward. The demon growled unhappily in his head but even it was weak for Ryuuji’s soothing chant. 

“Better?” Ryuuji murmured when he’d finished all three verses. Rin nodded.

“I’m in control.” 

Ryuuji pat his shoulder. “Good. Flame up.”

Rin’s head popped up to look at his boyfriend in confusion. That didn’t make _any_ sense. Rin wasn’t smart but he wasn’t that dumb. 

“Huh?”

Ryuuji stared up at him, eyes soft and the same shade as the wooden slats over his bed in the monastery. He always associated that color with _home_. “Douse me in your flames. That’ll get rid of any stray smells, right?” Ryuuji shrugged one of his shapely shoulders and adjusted his body a little so Rin was able to lay more comfortably on him. “Pretty sure I read that somewhere.”

Rin stared down at him. He felt a little shaky at the extreme amount of trust in that gaze. He had a wild demon in his head and he was sporadically flickering with fire while he stared down at him with teeth that were too big for his face.

“You sure?”

Ryuuji, because he was effortlessly incredible, decided to shake Rin’s world. “Come on, Rin. I trust ya.”

And just like that, Rin was back in a field of miasma watching Ryuuji use up all his energy to barricade an entire mountain just so his friends would have some time to get away. He was back on that poisoned mountain in that wild, exhilarating moment when Ryuuji had smiled at him and said those same words. 

_I trust ya._

Ryuuji who saw him lose his shit days earlier, who took a hard hit to the face from Rin because he was bad at using his words, who knew he was the son of the demon that had burned half his temple, smiled and trusted him. 

Rin kinda couldn’t breathe. He certainly had no control of his flames. They were pouring out of his skin and over Ryuuji and eliminating the foul scents because Ryuuji trusted him not to burn him. Ryuuji trusted him, wild demon parts and all. 

Fuck, he was in love with the boy. 

Ryuuji’s eyes slipped close - the level of trust in that alone made Rin dizzy - and he relaxed against the mattress as Rin’s flames washed over him. 

Mephisto’s stink was gone and Rin couldn’t stop himself from flopping on top of his boyfriend and nosing at his neck. He could smell Ryuuji’s soothing, warm, alluring scent again. 

“It’s gone.” He breathed and felt his tail thump happily. “You smell like you again.” 

“Still calm?” Rin nodded. “Okay. The contract that killed Misumi was created by one of Mephisto’s minions. We went to confront him today. He gave us access to an old research facility.” Ryuuji’s hand dropped on his back and ran compulsively up and down. He did that when he got lost in thought and worried. “We found some horrible stuff there. I’ll get into that tomorrow with both of you. I don’t want to hash it out more than once.”

Ryuuji’s voice cracked. Ryuuji had a lot of control of his voice. When it cracked he was _really_ upset. Something bad had happened down there. Rin hugged him closer and tried to wrap around him. 

Ryuuji swallowed and continued. “Mephisto resummoned us to his bathroom.”

Rin stiffened. He couldn’t have heard that right. “His what?”

Ryuuji’s hand pressed down on his back like that would stop Rin from getting up. “Bathroom. He dropped us naked in his tub and had his servant scrub us down while he explained what we’d found.”

Rin’s fangs were suddenly twice as long as they had been and his nails were growing and sharpening into claws. Rage burned hot in his stomach and tinted his vision slightly blue. Ryuuji’s shoulder was right there, tempting and bare and begging for a mark.

( _TAKE HIM NOW! BURN AND CLAIM!)_

Rin twisted his head away and found the pillow. He bit into it with a snarl and chewed on it to help ease the pain in his jaw and the utter fury in his belly. Mephisto had seen what was _his_ . That bastard had embarrassed Ryuuji and made him nervous. He drowned him in his _filthy_ stench and Ryuuji was _Rin's_.

“I’m... Gonna keep going?”

He knew Ryuuji meant he was continuing the story but the word ‘going’ made his stomach tighten and he couldn’t help but squeeze him with his tail. Ryuuji wasn’t leaving this bed. Rin would take care of anyone else that tried to come near as well. His boyfriend was going to stay safe here and get some rest.

“No one touched me or anything.” Ryuuji assured quietly. “There was just an uncomfortable amount of staring. I can also say with extreme confidence you are still an anomaly on the attractive thing.”

Did that mean Ryuuji had seen Mephisto naked? Why would Mephisto be naked? Had he been in the bath as well? Ryuuji had said ‘us’. Light had certainly been in that bath with his boyfriend. 

He shredded the pillow with a few furious bites.

Ryuuji squeezed his hand and he realized he’d been chewing on the remains of the pillow for a minute or so now. 

“I’m sorry.” Rin mumbled.

“We cool?” Ryuuji asked quietly. He sounded worried. 

“We’re cool. I’m gonna have to work real hard not to kill Mephisto next time I see him.” Rin kissed Ryuuji’s shoulder because it was right there and he was weak. “I really want to mark you up. I won’t ‘cause I know it’s just my possessive side showing.”

Ryuuji’s arm was loose around him. He hummed at the air. “You can leave one if I can leave one.”

Rin’s lips immediately latched onto the shoulder he’d kissed in a hard, sucking kiss. Ryuuji’s laughter rang out in the dark and Rin drank it in like a man dying of thirst. He left a large, angry looking mark and felt himself actually purr at the sight of it. 

Ryuuji let him look for maybe ten seconds before pressing him back and going to town on his own shoulder. Rin’s entire body went tense at the addictive feeling. His head shot back and his clawed hands dug into the mattress so he didn’t hurt Ryuuji. Rin could feel his stupid body healing even as Ryuuji worked and it made him want to scream. He wanted the marks. He wanted Ryuuji’s claim on him and it would never stay. He clutched the mattress and held back the urge to tell Ryuuji to use teeth and break his skin. Anything to make it last until at least the exorcism.

Ryuuji pulled away way too quickly and kissed his lips softly after inspecting the mark.

“I love you.” Rin blurted ungracefully under Ryuuji’s fantastic and heavy gaze. His boyfriend’s vibrant eyes went soft and his cheeks blushed an adorable shade of pink. Rin was gathered up close and tugged on top of Ryuuji.

“I love you too.” Ryuuji murmured against his hair. “Sorry everything-” A loud yawn -”happened like it did.”

Rin heated his body up and curled around his boyfriend. He kept his head right over Ryuuji’s heart and listened as it settled with sleep. Eventually, Rin let the steady rhythm lull him to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are starting off with a nsfw scene, skip to the ***** to get past it if that isn’t your thing :)

Riding Ryuuji was everything Rin had imagined it would be. Rin was perched on top of his boyfriend like he was a throne and this was actually happening. They were so close to each other and Rin’s heart probably couldn’t pound any harder or faster.

Ryuuji was kissing along his throat-nothing could compare to this feeling, Ryuuji inside and around and everywhere-murmuring against his skin. Ryuuji’s wild, desiring scent was everywhere and Rin was inhaling it like the addict he was.

“You feel  _ amazing _ .” Ryuuji gasped against his throat as Rin tried to keep a steady rhythm and not just rut against Ryuuji’s abs. He kissed sloppily at Ryuuji’s jaw, the slight scrape of facial hair against his cheek utterly perfect. The burn had faded to the background and now it was just the feeling of fullness because Ryuuji was so much bigger than Rin’s fingers.

Rin couldn’t hold all the feelings in. He was so close and surrounded by Ryuuji and it was  _ everything _ . 

“Ryuuji,” he gasped, overwhelmed at how intense this was. He nosed his way to his boyfriend’s ear and tried to catch one of the earrings but he couldn’t find the coordination with Ryuuji so close and deep. He caught a slight hint of his own scent around Ryuuji’s throat and something extremely possessive within himself purred in utter delight.

(Ryuuji was  _ his.  _ He should smell like Rin.)

_ “My _ Ryuuji.” He growled, rising and falling on his boyfriend as steadily as he could manage. Ryuuji was close enough to kiss, they were sharing each other’s breaths, but he was too far away. Rin kissed him to see if that helped and it sort of did. He was holding him close but-

Damned control. Ryuuji was so  _ careful _ . He was letting Rin take the lead - he had no complaints about that- but he was holding himself back and that wasn’t okay.

Rin rocked his hips a little and Ryuuji moaned softly, right next to his ear. Rin whimpered and pressed his cheek against Ryuuji’s as he tried to get control of his own breathing. His flames were pressing against his skin, wanting to pour over Ryuuji and completely mingle their scents. Ryuuji’s hands were tight on his hips and it was so damn hot how broad and strong they were. 

Even better though, Ryuuji’s nails were digging into his skin as he fought to keep that frustrating control he had. Rin was breaking him. Rin, colossal freak and academic embarrassment, was making Ryuuji struggle to control himself. It made Rin feel wild. Like he was sexy and loved and could do anything. 

He’d probably never really believe he was all those things, but he certainly believed Ryuuji thought he was. That was enough to make Rin eager.

“Ryuuji,” he gasped and clutched the aria closer. 

_ (Mate. Claim him.) _

He was almost used to ignoring the voice, even when it screamed. Ryuuji was his and Ryuuji was safe. Rin had already left a string of hickies along his boyfriend’s collar and staring at them made the demon in his head purr with satisfaction. He wanted to leave more. There was a spot at the corner of Ryuuji’s jaw, right under his ear, that Rin was particularly crazy about. He let his nose guide him to the spot and couldn’t manage anything more than a kiss as Ryuuji increased the strength behind his thrusts.

“Ryuuji,” He breathed, need making his entire body feel tight. “Love you. So good for me.”

Ryuuji thrust up hard at his murmured praise and Rin’s vision momentarily whited out. His clawed fingers dug into Ryuuji’s shoulder and his back arched. The demon snarled in his head, hungry for more. Rin wanted that stupid control that Ryuuji had to shatter. He wanted to see just what all his boyfriend could do and he suddenly remembered how Ryuuji’s eyes had gone wide back in the bath.

His smile was probably a little evil but whatever. He was a halfling. He could look a little evil.

“Like that?” Rin asked right in Ryuuji’s ear. He would have felt ridiculous doing this before Ryuuji. Ryuuji gave him confidence and both halves of himself wanted to see just how far he could push before that stupid control snapped.

Rin goaded Ryuuji on. “So fucking hot, you make it so I can’t think straight.” If he wasn’t currently getting screwed and having trouble thinking, he’d have laughed. This was as not straight as he could get and he loved it.

Rin could see the control wavering in Ryuuji’s studious eyes. His boyfriend drove up into him, hard, and Rin saw stars. His back arched on a sharp gasp and-

Rin could almost hear it as Ryuuji’s control cracked. Ryuuji gripped his waist and changed the pace as he thrust up relentlessly and Rin’s head fell back as he struggled to get more air. He babbled at the ceiling because it was impossible to control his words when Ryuuji was so damned hot and fucking him like it was all he could think of. All of that incredible focus was on Rin.

He sucked in a breath, nonsensical words still falling from his lips, and he pressed close to Ryuuji again. The drag of his cheek against Ryuuji’s stubble was exactly what he wanted and he couldn’t stop a groan. He breathed in Ryuuji’s desire and curled closer. Ryuuji’s left hand slid up his side and wrapped around his back. Rin was forcefully tugged close to his lover and-

“Rin,” Ryuuji rasped in his ear, voice deep and masculine and perfect, “Come for me.” It was an order and Rin wasn’t about to disobey.

*****************************************  


_ (take, Take, TAKE! BOND!)  _ The screams were so loud he couldn’t think. The pleasure shot through his entire body and he didn’t notice his mouth wrapping around Ryuuji’s shoulder until he was already biting. The demonic part of himself was trying to clamp down harder and he could already taste blood. 

Rin locked his jaw to stop from hurting Ryuuji more and fought against the  _ need _ to bite harder. He’d lost a few seconds somewhere in there. What had happened? Why had he-oh no. 

No. 

No no no no,  _ no. _ He’d broken the trust. Ryuuji had said he could mark but he couldn’t break the skin. One small restriction was all he’d been given and he’d just done it anyway. 

_ (NO! BOND! RYUUJI!) _

Rin didn’t understand. His teeth were growing and it was all he could do to stop the full change. What had happened?

_ I trust ya, Rin. _ Ryuuji had said it, smile soft, belief and confidence in his incredible eyes. Four words that had rocked Rin’s world and now, in a moment he couldn’t even remember, he’d  _ broken _ that trust.

Rin was a monster. He’d just hurt his boyfriend. That was Ryuuji’s blood on his tongue and it didn’t matter if the demon was furious about something, Rin had hurt Ryuuji. 

“Rin?” The scent of Ryuuji’s fear cut through the horror in Rin’s head. His boyfriend’s grip was tight around his hips, nails biting into his skin. For a moment the demon stopped shrieking in his head and growled instead. All of Rin agreed that Ryuuji shouldn’t be scared.

“Talk to me, please?” Ryuuji added, his hands pulling Rin a little closer. The firm grip gave Rin enough of an anchor that he pushed the demon part of himself down and relaxed his jaw. He released Ryuuji’s shoulder and clambered off his boyfriend.

Rin could smell the blood and it looked  _ so _ red against Ryuuji’s skin. He’d done that to his boyfriend. He’d bruised and  _ hurt _ him.

He couldn’t meet Ryuuji’s eyes. Shame was welling up in his stomach and he wanted to hide.

“Sorry.” he managed after an awkward moment. 

Ryuuji’s hand cupped his cheek. “What for?”

Ryuuji hadn’t noticed yet. Rin could just pretend nothing had happened and-

No. He’d hurt Ryuuji. His boyfriend deserved to know. “I… I bit you too hard.” He sucked in a nervous breath and rushed on, “It felt so good and I lost control.” He didn’t even remember biting. He’d just been enjoying Ryuuji’s everything and then he’d had his teeth in Ryuuji’s shoulder and he’d been confused.

His teeth were kinda aching. He wanted to bite again and do something with the bite. He just didn’t know what.

Ryuuji’s eyes widened and shot to his arm. “Huh,” he breathed with surprise. He winced a little and Rins’ stomach dropped. Brown, handsome, eyes turned back on him. “Hey, can you let my arm go? It’s too tight.”

Rin hadn’t even noticed his tail. It was wrapped around Ryuuji, squeezing around his bicep. 

“Fuck,” he jerked his tail free and snagged the tip so it wouldn’t try and wind itself back around Ryuuji. Shit. He was a freak. “I’m sorry. I fucked up.”

Ryuuji tugged his face back up and locked eyes with him. Rin inhaled sharply at the love and trust in those warm eyes and realized Ryuuji’s hand had never left his hip. There wasn’t any fear in his boyfriend’s scent anymore. Just the comforting mingle of spice and smoke.

“It was good, Rin,” Ryuuji murmured softly before pressing a gentle kiss to Rin’s lip that stole his breath and made him feel fluttery. “Fucking fantastic.” Ryuuji continued, lips brushing against Rin’s as he spoke so Rin couldn’t  _ breathe. _ “I didn’t even notice because of how good you felt and how incredible that was.” He pulled back just enough that they could look at each other properly. The hand on his hip squeezed and guided him back. “Come on now.” Ryuuji added, the corner of his lips lifting in a partial smile. “We’re both in dire need of a shower.”

Ryuuji took his hand and led him towards the shower. Rin followed, eyes being drawn right back to the bite mark on Ryuuji’s shoulder. It was already bruising. There was a weird, uncomfortable, twist of feelings in his gut. The spots of red stood out nicely against Ryuuji’s skin and he  _ liked _ that. It made his heart pound and his head dizzy. Ryuuji couldn’t get rid of that. It might scar like that damned chuchi bite. Rin’s bite would be bigger and Ryuuji would always walk around with a mark Rin had left.

He’d  _ hurt _ Ryuuji. He’d left a wound just like that  _ damned _ chuchi and he’d done it when Ryuuji was trusting him. Ryuuji had made himself vulnerable and Rin had hurt him.

Rin was a demon and he’d acted like one. 

And Ryuuji? He acted like nothing had happened. He led them into the showers and joined Rin under the spray. He ran the washcloth over Rin’s skin with gentle strokes and guided Rin to do the same on Ryuuji’s chest.

Ryuuji closed his eyes and tilted his head so Rin could have more access to his throat and shoulder. Rin’s hands shook as he cleaned him up.

Ryuuji kissed him softly, kissed him trustingly, kissed him like he was in  _ love. _

Rin couldn’t breathe.

Ryuuji tended to his wound (Rin had done that. He’d hurt him. He’d hurt Ryuuji.) and put the first aid materials back up. Rin trailed out of the bathroom - the air was too heavy and somehow he couldn’t find any air to breathe - and Ryuuji followed right after him. His boyfriend wrapped him up in a tight hug and rubbed his cheek against Rin’s neck. Broad hands slid up his back and held him. Rin couldn’t help but lean into the hold. He felt safe and loved even under the guilt.

Ryuuji nuzzled closer. “Fuck,” He murmured, nose brushing through Rin’s hair, “you’re always so hot.” Rin’ felt his skin growing warmer as Ryuuji spoke. He couldn’t hold the heat back with his boyfriend so close. “It’s cold as ass in here.”

He should have warned Ryuuji about that. His boyfriend couldn’t heat himself supernaturally. Oops.

“The air conditioning and heating don’t work.” 

Ryuuji laughed wryly. “Damn, Mephisto’s a cheap bastard, ain’t he?”

_ (CLAIM HIM! BURN THE OTHERS!) _

The screech happened without warning and his teeth were suddenly too big. He turned away sharply, cheeks heating with embarrassment and anger twisting in his chest.

Fuck Mephisto and his stupid scent. Spreading his stench everywhere and trying to take Rin’s boyfriend. Stupid purple hair and stupid clown suit. Rin would rip him apart.

“What gives?” There was the soft sound of Ryuuji’s feet padding on the cold floor as he followed Rin’s retreating form.

“Like you said, it’s cold.” Rin muttered stiffly. His body was twitching with the need to transform and find Mephisto to eliminate that threat. He wanted to press Ryuuji against the nearest wall and bite him properly. (He had no idea what that meant either. What was ‘properly?’)

Ryuuji was right there before Rin noticed him approaching. His boyfriend bumped his shoulder.

“Hey,” He coaxed, “you okay?” Rin shrugged and tried really hard not to move towards Ryuuji’s warmth. He didn’t deserve it. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

There was genuine concern in Ryuuji’s voice and gaze. The aria actually thought he might have hurt Rin. Like there was anyway he actually could hurt him.

“Hurt me? You were  _ bleeding _ a minute ago.” How could he just ignore the fact that Rin had bitten him?

Ryuuji looked at him with fond exasperation. “Would you stop freaking out about that.”

Rin cut him off before he could continue because that was stupid. “It’s getting worse.” He muttered and wrapped his arms around himself. He felt like such a monster. “I almost burned you last night. This morning. Whatever.”

Ryuuji stepped closer, gaze soft and open. “But you didn’t.”

Rin couldn’t keep staring at Ryuuji. “I tore up a pillow.”

Freak. Monster. Evil.  _ Demon. _ All the names he’d ever been called were swirling around in his head and they were all true. Fuck!

Ryuuji snorted and moved a little nearer. “And not me.” He murmured. He eyed Rin and seemed to notice his stiff posture. “Why’s it bothering you suddenly? We figured it out and everything was fine.” 

Rin’s hands dropped to his side and into fists. Ryuuji was  _ wrong _ . It wasn’t fine. “What if I had hurt you?” He insisted. “I’m a lot stronger than you and I could really hurt you.”

Bile was rising up his throat at the mere thought. If he’d lost a bit more attention Ryuuji’s shoulder would be a bloody mess. And what about his strength? What if he broke one of Ryuuji’s bones from holding him too tightly?

Ryuuji frowned, standing taller. “I’m not helpless.”

Rin glared. “You couldn’t stop me.” It was terrifying. He could crush any of them at any time. 

Ryuuji’s eyes narrowed. “I did last night. ‘Sides. You just bit me. It’s not like you actually hurt me.”

What? Why wasn’t he upset? How was Ryuuji not getting it? “I could have overpowered you like I did in Kyoto.”

Rin had nearly choked on the scent of Ryuuji’s fear then. He’d  _ punched _ him. What if he hadn’t held back?

“You didn’t overpower me. You broke my shield and hit me but you didn’t overpower me.” 

“That sounds like overpowering.” Rin snapped back.

Ryuuji shrugged like it was nothing. “I was still standing. And it’s been months. I know a lot more about you now.”

Rin loved this moron. He loved him so much it made him dizzy but Ryuuji was  _ stupid _ if he thougt Rin wasn’t a threat. “Why can’t you just admit I’m dangerous?”

“You are. So is Shiemi. Point is I’m not in danger.”

Not in danger? The statement floated through his head, getting bigger and bigger. Ryuuji thought he was safe. Ryuuji trusted Rin. Ryuuji was going to keep his guard down and Rin was  _ dangerous. _

He poked the skin below the bandaged bite mark. “You sure ‘bout that?” He looked up at his boyfriend’s brown eyes and saw something in them  _ snap _ . Rin’s heart thumped hard and before he could do anything to brace he was being shoved into a wall. Ryuuji had a firm grip on his tail and ear and he couldn’t move without pulling one of them.

Ryuuji pressed up against him, chest to back, skin warm and distracting. He was kinda trapped and he could hardly notice because  _ fuck, _ he hadn’t realized how big Ryuuji was. His boyfriend had bulked up and,  _ oh, _ he could pin Rin down. 

Rin was still stronger but Ryuuji had him at a disadvantage like this. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Ryuuji hissed in his ear and Rin had no idea what he’d just said. His entire body felt like it was buzzing. “Now I’ll admit this doesn’t do anything against your flames but you’ve got incredible control over those.” Ryuuji’s hand slid up his tail, caressing the fur and making Rin feel like he’d just had a shoulder massage. “Plus I’ve been training with Light.” 

(Rin barely resisted the urge to growl at the sound of someone else’s name in Ryuuji’s mouth.) 

“He’s showing me how to summon. You still out rank anything I could ever hope to summon but you’d at least be distracted long enough for me to get away if I needed to.”

Huh. Rin hadn’t known that. Ryuuji could summon? 

His boyfriend released his ear and gave his tail one last caress before stepping back. “Stop tryin’ to treat me like I’m some damsel in distress.” Ryuuji ordered, voice low and commanding in a way that went straight to Rin’s twisting stomach. “I’m not that breakable. I love you and I’m not going anywhere. I’ve calmed you down lotsa times. You probably haven’t even noticed them all.”

Rin couldn’t move. He wasn’t sure he was allowed to. It was a  _ weird _ thought but Ryuuji had put him here and it felt like he needed permission to move. He couldn’t even get air in his lungs. Ryuuji had moved Rin where he wanted him and he’d done it with confidence and certainty and Rin had  _ not _ known he had this particular kink. 

He’d hurt him. Ryuuji could defend himself but Rin had still hurt him.

( _ Yes. Strong. Take him properly. Make him OURS!) _

His fangs grew larger and a strange ache rose up his chest. He couldn’t breathe for a moment because of the burn and pain of it. Rin wanted something and he didn’t know what. But Ryuuji was too far away. Ryuuji had retreated and Rin needed him back.

The sour scent of fear cut through the rush of thoughts and feeling of paralysis.  _ Ryuuji, _ his instincts whispered. His lover was scared. Rin had to grit his teeth to keep from growling. Ryuuji shouldn’t be scared. What had-

“Please,” Ryuuji whimpered, “I’m freakin’ out here.”

Oh. Wow. It was him? Rin had scared Ryuuji because he’d been quiet? Had he spaced out?

“I’m okay.” Rin garbled around teeth that were always too big. He glanced at his boyfriend and felt suddenly shy. “I, uh, didn’t expect that.” 

Rin’s entire body shivered as Ryuuji stared at him. He could feel his body twitching as the demon part of himself started screaming about taking again.

“You sure? That was too far. I’m sorry.” Ryuuji shivered with cold in the stupid dorm and Rin frowned. His boyfriend wasn’t supposed to be cold. Not when he could fix that.

Rin grabbed Ryuuji’s hand and tugged him towards their room. Ryuuji pressed close and kept shivering. 

Rin shoved the door open and glanced around. It was so cold.

“Are we cool?” Ryuuji asked too loudly. Rin’s ears rang from the volume and he winced. He’d missed a lot of conversation earlier. Oops.

“I didn’t know you could do that.” Rin admitted as he plopped down on the bed. Ryuuji looked worried. Rin didn’t like it. He tried to smile and hurried on. “I didn’t think about weak spots.”

Ryuuji could pin him down and Ryuuji had a plan. Ryuuji had already thought of Rin being strong and he’d just figured out a solution without making it a big thing. He didn’t yell about Rin being a danger or a freak. Ryuuji had just thought of a plan and talked it out. Rin didn’t trust himself - he couldn’t- but he could, and did, trust Ryuuji. If… If Ryuuji believed in his plans, Rin would believe in Ryuuji.

Ryuuji shrugged awkwardly. “Everyone has weak spots.” 

Why was Ryuuji so far away? He pat the bed. “You can come over. I don’t-” Rin’s nose wrinkled because that was no longer true. “I bite a little but you’re safe.” 

Ryuuji shuffled towards him and sat gingerly down on the bed he’d screwed Rin on an hour earlier. Shouldn’t now be the part where they were comfortable? 

This was his fault.

Rin blew out a breath and he tipped over so his side was pressed against Ryuuji’s side.

“I got a little stuck in my own head.” He admitted quietly because he could trust Ryuuji. “We’re cool.”

Ryuuji’s arm wrapped around him. It was warm and solid and held him steady. He nosed Ryuuji’s shoulder. “Do you have weak spots?” Rin moved them around until they were laying on their side, snuggled close. His tail gave a happy thump.

“You probably know more than I do.” Ryuuji murmured. His hand inched it’s way up Rin’s side and he realized a moment too late that Ryuuji was going towards his ticklish spot. A string of giggles fell from his lips and Ryuuji’s hands pulled him close. 

Ryuuji gave him a shit-eating grin. “That would be a weak spot.” Ryuuji’s smiling lips pressed against his throat and Rin’s  _ entire _ body twitched up. Hnng, he was  _ weak _ for Ryuuji’s lips anywhere near his neck. 

“And another.” Ryuuji murmured against his skin with that stupidly seductive voice. “I’ve used both of those to my advantage before. They’re pretty good for distracting.”

Rin’s body felt buzzy. He wanted to do that to Ryuuji. He felt his boyfriend shiver in anticipation as he shifted around so he could have access to all his boyfriend’s fantastic body. He caught hold of Ryuuji’s biggest ear cuff and gave a gentle tug. Ryuuji’s mouth popped open like it always did and there was  _ no _ way Rin’s smile wasn’t big and wicked. 

He dragged his hand up into Ryuuji’s soft hair. “Or this?” He asked coyly as he scratched at the back of his head and tugged the longer strands. Ryuuji made a low noise that shot through Rin like a bullet. Dragoon indeed. 

This was fun.

He traced down Ryuuji’s hip to a sensitive spot on his right side. There was a faint bruise from where Rin had left a hickey earlier this week. 

“Here?” He asked like he didn’t know it made Ryuuji’s breath hitch. 

He earned a giggle with the last spot and his grin was wild. Rin loved Ryuuji’s giggle. He doubted many people got to hear it and that was a shame because it was fantastic. 

Rin snuggled back up against Ryuuji’s side. He felt safe enough to be honest. “I got kinda scared.”

“Because you bit me?” Ryuuji looked down at him and Rin’s heart thumped. 

He had to be honest. He couldn’t quite look at those warm brown eyes though. “Because I really liked it.”

Ryuuji kept holding him. “The sex?” He asked quietly, no judgement in his tone. “The biting? The fact that it left a longer lasting mark?”

Rin fidgeted and hid his face. “Is all of the above an option?” He was such a freak. “But it hurt you.”

Ryuuji tugged him closer and Rin peeked up at him. “I’m tougher than you’re giving me credit for.” Ryuuji said, eyes locked on Rin like there wasn’t anything that could distract him from Rin. “I wouldn’t make a habit of it but I’m not angry or sore.” His thumb rubbed at Rin’s bicep. “We’ll figure it out.”

Rin was blushing and couldn’t focus on the swirl of wild emotions in his chest. Excitement and love and fear and disgust and longing and- too many things. His face twitched and he switched subjects so he could have a moment to breathe.

He blurted the first thing that came to his mind. “Also, the wall thing was hot. Not gonna lie.” He blushed warmer as Ryuuji snorted. Laying nearly naked next to his boyfriend was-

Oh!

“Hey,” Rin pushed up on his shoulder and peered down at Ryuuji. He could feel his tail wagging as the idea popped in his head, “we should do it that way next time.”

Ryuuji’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Huh?”

Rin’s grin was out of control. “I couldn’t bite you like that!” 

_ (You need to claim him or others will.) _

What?

Ryuuji’s eyes were soft and that addicting scent was back full swing. Rin’s nostrils flared as he breathed it in. 

“Sounds like fun.” Ryuuji purred and Rin’s body froze. Strong hands grabbed his waist and tugged him nearer. “Then all we have to figure out is a way for you to fuck me without too many bites.” Rin’s eyes were wide and the demonic part of himself was utterly silent as Ryuuji stared at him. 

“Not that I mind a few.” Ryuuji added slyly. “I’ll take that sting for that sex any day.”

Rin made an  _ embarrassing  _ noise and knocked Ryuuji over in his rush to kiss him. Ryuuji held his waist while he kissed him and he couldn’t stop his tail and it’s wild wag. Ryuuji wasn’t scared of him. Despite everything, Ryuuji wasn’t scared. It was heady and crazy and,  _ god _ , Rin loved him like crazy. 

It wasn’t until Ryuuji’s breathless, giddy, wonderful, laugh filtered through the air that Rin realized he was mumbling all that against Ryuuji’s lips and jaw and throat. 

“I’m not scared.” Ryuuji promised and Rin’s heart felt like it skipped several beats. Ryuuji meant it. Ryuuji wasn’t scared of him even after everything that had happened. Ryuuji had seen him at his worst and had stayed. “Fucking love you and -” Ryuuji’s voice hitched as Rin found his ear but Rin felt like the one that couldn’t breathe. “Not goin’ anywhere.”

Rin pulled away from Ryuuji’s ear-it was so hard to let him go but this was important- and gazed down at his boyfriend. Brown eyes, warm as a sunset, stared up at him, open and trusting. Rin’s chest went tight as he looked because he couldn’t tear his eyes away from that gaze. Ryuuji was vulnerable with him because Ryuuji trusted him. Ryuuji loved him. Ryuuji was going to stay.

Rin swallowed but his voice was still tight. “I won’t either.” He promised

Ryuuji rolled them over and pressed dozens and dozens of kisses all over Rin’s face. He thrashed under the attention, face twitching between human and demon, and he wasn’t scared. Ryuuji had him and he wasn’t alone in the fight. Rin had Ryuuji and they weren’t going anywhere.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone finally gets control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covers chapter 32-34 of Between the Shadow and the Soul

Rin glanced at the door and fidgeted in his bed. Ryuuji had promised he’d be here. It had been _hours_ , but Ryuuji had promised. Ryuuji didn’t break his promises. He also took very poor care of his sleep schedule. Rin loved him and was determined to fix that someday. 

He flopped backwards on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It just made his mind race because now he could hear all the creaks of the dorm and the wind howling outside. It was too loud and quiet at the same time. 

He could go find Ryuuji. His boyfriend was probably still hiding in the stupid common room. Ryuuji could say what he wanted, Rin knew he was hiding. 

He rolled on his side and stared at the door again. He huffed out a nervous breath and-

The door opened quietly. Ryuuji’s head slipped around the corner as Rin shot up in excitement.

“Shit, did I wake you up?”

Rin shook his head and resisted the intense urge to jump out of the bed and grab Ryuuji in an embrace. “I was already awake.” 

Ryuuji shuffled into the room and shut the door behind himself with a guilty frown. “Sorry, babe, I got distracted.”

“Mmmhmm.” Rin didn’t believe that at all. He knew Ryuuji was at least partially lying. He hadn’t been distracted, he’d been avoiding. Ryuuji wasn’t always quick to open up but he was getting better at opening up. Rin could be patient.

Ryuuji tugged his clothes off and folded them up in neat piles. He tucked them away in the drawer and lumbered towards the bed. Rin pulled the covers back for him and scooted towards the window. Ryuuji clambered next to him and smiled softly. 

“Hey,” He murmured. Ryuuji’s hand slid up his arm and settled on his shoulder. Momentarily. Rin returned the smile because he really did love Ryuuji’s smile, and Ryuuji moved to cup his cheek. Rin leaned into the touch of Ryuuji’s broad hand and wasn’t surprised when a sleepy kiss was pressed against his lips.

“Love you,” Ryuuji murmured against his mouth, his kisses sleepy and sloppy, “so much.” Rin’s heart gave a happy little flutter despite the worry and irritation in his chest. 

“I love you too,” he replied around a kiss. Ryuuji humed appreciatively and moved closer. Rin loved the intimacy of having Ryuuji pressed against him. He’d been longing to have Ryuuji close and to himself for ages.

However, he couldn’t properly enjoy it when Ryuuji was so tired and keeping something to himself. 

Rin kissed him once, twice more and pulled away. Ryuuji yawned and slumped against the mattress. He stretched and arm up and grabbed Rin’ shoulder with a tired smile. Rin went willingly and curled around his boyfriend. 

Ryuuji was instantly asleep but Rin couldn’t fall asleep for a long while. Then, when he finally did fall asleep, Ryuuji started to thrash around and cry out in his sleep. Rin instantly sprang up and shook Ryuuji awake. His boyfriend woke with a strangled cry and stared at Rin without recognizing him for a long, terrible, moment.

“Rin?” Ryuuji gasped. He grabbed Rin’s shoulders and pulled him close with a sound that was almost a sob. “You’re safe?”

Rin nodded against Ryuuji’s warm chest. “Yes? Did you have a nightmare?”

“It was nothing,” Ryuuji lied. Rin wanted to bite him in warning. It was a weird quirk of his demon self. Another quirk was also rearing its head. He could smell worry in Ryuuji’s scent and he wanted to rub his face against his boyfriend’s throat until the scent disappeared.

“You know you can tell me about it?”

“I…” Ryuuji’s grip tightened and he felt his lover’s breath hitch. Every inch of Rin’s body froze and growled unhappily. He blamed it on his tired mind thinking there was something dangerous around that he could defeat and keep his Ryuuji happy.

“Ryu?”

“Not tonight?” Ryuuji’s voice was too quiet and nearly timid. Rin’s mind growled again. “I… not in the dark?” Ryuuji’s hand slid up his back and into his hair. “I promise I’ll explain it.”

“Are you okay?”

Ryuuji sighed and continued to play with his hair. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

_Lie._

Rin stayed unhappily still and listened to Ryuuji’s breathing grow steady. 

He fell asleep without noticing. By the time he woke up Ryuuji was gone. 

Rin got that Ryuuji was working on a report that would probably determine Light’s future but he was going to make himself sick. Ryuuji had skipped breakfast and everything. 

Rin let him hide away in the common room until lunch. When he didn’t show up to eat that, Rin decided he was intervening. 

He made the ramen exactly like Ryuuji liked it and brought it to the room as quietly as he could. Kuro led the way and bounded up to Ryuuji with an excited meow that made Ryuuji jump.

Guilty eyes turned towards him before darting back to look at his keyboard.

“Hey.” Ryuuji murmured. Rin set the bowl down beside him and scanned his boyfriend. Every line of Ryuuji’s body was tense and he was trying to hide his face.

“You okay?”

Ryuuji’s lips quirked up in an almost smile but it disappeared before it could properly form. “I think I’ve got this finished.” Ryuuji yawned as he tugged the bowl nearer. “Thanks for this.” He inhaled and winced in a way Rin had become unfortunately familiar with.

Ryuuji had a headache. 

Rin brushed his fingers against Ryuuji’s neck and his boyfriend leaned into the touch. Shifting his grip a little, Rin started to massage the tension from Ryuuji’s muscles. He’d give him a proper massage if he thought Ryuuji would let him. Knowing his stubborn self though, he’d brush Rin off and tell him he couldn’t afford the distraction. Because taking a few minutes to stop being in pain was a distraction and a waste of time.

Why were all the people he loved so stubborn? “You gotta take breaks, Ryuuji.”

Ryuuji paused mid bite. “Light’s in prison.”

Time to step it up. He scratched at Ryuuji’s head and started playing with his hair. “At the Vatican.” He shrugged. “It’s not a bad jail.” It was nicer than Kyoto in most regards. But it had also made his skin buzz weirdly. Probably some anti-demon magic. “You ready to talk?”

Ryuuji took a bite to avoid talking and, nope. Rin was done with this nonsense. He was getting an answer from someone. Yukio was currently awol so Ryuuji was drawing that short straw. Rin would pull out every trick he knew. He was going to make Ryuuji tell him and he was going to help. 

Rin hopped up on the desk and peered down at Ryuuji. His boyfriend fidgeted under the gaze and released a shaky breath. There was a hint of fear in his scent.

Uh oh. It had to be _really_ bad. He couldn’t imagine what it was. He knew it had happened sometime after new years. It wasn’t the trip to the woods, and it wasn’t their lunch date. Something had happened while Rin wasn’t watching him. Something right before the cyclops. 

“Hey,” He swung his feet to try and lighten the mood, “Would it help if I guessed?”

Ryuuji mumbled something that might have been a ‘uh’ around a mouth of noodles.

Rin took his mutter as a yes because he wanted answers. “Okay. Light?” He didn’t growl and that was something impressive. Rin was pretty sure Ryuuji had no idea how much he disliked the arch-knight.

“I think he went after Dragulesc when I wasn’t around which means he was probably violent.” The frustration in Ryuuji’s tone was weirdly endearing. Rin wanted to kiss his nose and hug him. He ought to be annoyed at Light and his stupid self. 

“The Myōō Dharani?” He asked next and resisted the urge to run his fingers through Ryuuji’s soft hair. That would distract and Rin was not going to distract.

Ryuuji shook his head and his brow furrowed. Rin’s boyfriend was sexy as hell and such an over thinker. That big brain wouldn’t stop whirring through thoughts and that was why Rin didn’t know what was going on yet. The big lump was probably trying to protect him. 

“Koneko or Shima?” He asked louder than he needed to so he could draw Ryuuji’s attention out of his racing thoughts.

Ryuuji shrugged. “Shima always has me at least a little upset. But no.”

Rin nodded because he hadn’t really expected it to be any of those. Ryuuji was likely to tell him if it was any of that stuff. He’d gotten better at telling Rin stuff. They both had. 

Oh _no_.

“Is it me?!”

Ryuuji stared at him, brow furrowed in confusion before smoothing out with understanding. He averted his eyes and shook his head.

What? Rin’s tail drooped and his stomach dropped. He knew that tell. Ryuuji had just _lied_ to him. What was going on?! What had he done? Why would Ryuuji be so upset and stressed about _him_ and why would he lie about it? 

The nightmares… the avoidance… the worry in the bedroom… It all fit. Rin was the problem.

“Did... did you just lie to me?” He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice as he watched Ryuuji for a reaction. There was no denying the fact that Ryuuji had just lied. He always fiddled with his sleeve-the beads now that Rin had given them to him-and he always averted his eyes. 

Rin was the problem and Ryuuji was lying.

Ryuuji dropped his chopsticks in surprise and reached for Rin, “No!” He caught Rin’s knee and leaned towards him like he was scared Rin was going to run away. “It isn’t you but it involves you?” Ryuuji shook his head, worry making his face look wrong. “I’m not lying.”

He wasn’t lying about that, but he had been lying earlier. It wasn’t Rin but it was Rin. Okay. 

That made no sense. 

Oh! 

“Yukio?” Ryuuji immediately looked away. Alarm flared hot in Rin’s stomach which meant there were probably a few flames in his hair. “Did he threaten you again?”

Ryuuji _flinched_. Flinched like he had the first time someone touched his neck after the damned ghouls. Flinched like he had when someone mentioned the blow up of the camp. He flinched like he was scared or hurt and it was a jerk reaction. 

Rin couldn’t have repressed the growl rumbling in his throat if he had to. No one, _no one,_ made Ryuuji flinch like that. Not even stupid four-eyes. He didn’t know what the hell was wrong with his brother, but damn it, Yukio didn’t get to scare or threaten Ryuuji. If he had shit to say he could damn well take it to Rin. He was done with all this shady bullshit. Rin was dating Ryuuji. Rin loved him, and they were going to be together long term. Yukio needed to get that through his mole-covered head. 

“What did he do?” The demonic part of himself growled. Rin didn’t fight the words. He wanted to know as well.

Ryuuji grabbed his hand nervously. “Has he been weird? Like outside of that one shouting match?” Rin’s nostrils flared as Ryuuji clutched his hands. Fear and worry were heavily mixed in Ryuuji’s scent.

What the hell was going on? “Weird how? Four-eyes is always a little strange.” Strange was an understatement of late. Yukio had been hiding so many things and no one would talk. What had Rin done? Why did people not trust him? “He’s been distant but he’s been distant since Kyoto.” 

And no, that wasn’t true, was it? It wasn’t Kyoto that had messed them up. “Well, he’s been distant since I changed.” 

He’d never be good enough. He was a halfling. He was part demon. Everything Yukio had spent his life fighting against and trying to protect him from… he’d become. He’d killed their father and become the thing they’d told him not to. 

He was a freak and a failure and he could understand _why_ Yukio hated him but it didn’t make it easier to be hated. 

None of that mattered. This was about Ryuuji. “What did he do?”

Ryuuji sucked in a deep breath and squeezed Rin’s hands like he needed reassurance. “Listen all the way through. You’re gonna get mad. Try not to flame up, okay?” Rin switched the grip so they were properly holding hands. This had to be really bad. He was scared. 

Ryuuji swallowed. “He... He caught me at mom’s inn and asked me about your mom. Then-”

“RIN!”

Shiemi’s frightened shriek blasted through the dorm and made Rin’s head ring. He’d never heard her sound like that. He didn’t register getting up off the table or taking two steps towards the door.

 _RYUUJI_ his mind snarled. He paused because, yeah, Ryuuji smelled scared. 

Ryuuji grabbed his hand and moved towards the door right as Shiemi barreled into them.

Everything happened too fast. The stink of fear was heavy in the air, choking him with every breath. Shiemi wouldn’t explain anything and everyone kept yelling louder and louder until Rin was certain his head was going to explode.

Yukio had terrified Shiemi and almost hurt her. Ryuuji over reacted and looked _terrified_ for Shiemi.

Rin was done waiting for Ryuuji’s answer. 

“Ryuuji,” He growled out in a thick voice that meant he was losing control to the demonic part of himself, “What did he do to you?” Rin turned his eyes onto Ryuuji and watched him come to terms with something. 

Ryuuji locked eyes with him. “He pulled his gun on me because he didn’t think I was answering his questions honestly.” 

Everything around Rin went blue as the rage took over.

* * *

Yukio had pulled a gun on Ryuuji and pressed it against his head. Yukio had threatened _his_ Ryuuji and he’d scared him and Ryuuji had been holding that fear in because he didn’t want Rin upset.

Yukio had snapped to the point that he’d pulled a _gun on Ryuuji._

What if he’d slipped and the gun had gone off? He could have killed Ryuuji. One horrible second could have ended Ryuuji’s life and Rin hadn’t been there to stop it. He could have lost him. One terrible second was all it took to lose him. Rin knew. He-fuck, he couldn’t make it through another loss like that.

He’d had to shove those thoughts deep _deep_ down because they were in a fight and if he thought about it he’d lose control of the flames and he’d burn _everything._

Yukio had his own flames. How long had his twin known about that? Was he a halfling too?

It didn’t matter. Rin broke him out because Yukio was _going_ to answer some questions. (Rin couldn’t let Yukio die. He would never stand by and let his baby brother die.)

And in one terrible second, everything was changed. He hadn’t meant to get ahead. He hadn’t meant to separate from the others. 

He hadn’t meant to fling Renzou aside (why was he here?) and he didn’t register the flames pouring off Yukio. He couldn’t see any difference between them and his own. 

Now he was kneeling on the ground and he was burning alive. Worse than even that, most of the people he loved were trying to draw near and help him. He could see them all. Ryuuji and Shiemi were closest and he couldn’t control the flames.

“Stay back!” He screamed as loudly as he could. He could barely see Ryuuji but he recognized the look in Ryuuji’s dizzying eyes. Determination and fear were mixing together into a dangerous resolve. Ryuuji wasn’t going to stay away. Ryuuji was going to try and help him.

Ryuuji would die if he did.

Rin didn’t care if the flames consumed him anymore. They would _not_ get Ryuuji or Shiemi. He wouldn’t let them harm them, or Konekomaru, or Izumo. All of them mattered more than anything else.

Rin’s eyes closed as he pulled the flames closer. The pain was unlike anything he had ever felt before every inch of his body was burning and there was nothing beyond the searing agony. He screamed to the air and-

Nothing.

* * *

_Hungry._

Rin was _hungry._

“Rin?!” Someone was sobbing and the sound nettled his sensitive ears. His mind snarled at the weak, injured sound. Something to- _wait, h_ e recognized the voice and it made his chest twist.

_Mine._

“Can you hear me? Please?!”

Rin blinked his eyes open and the world around him came into focus. The sun was setting and the sky was a strange mix of white and reds. The reds were vibrant in his demonic vision. Red was wrong in the sky. It would look good against the snow though. Dramatic and passionate. The color of violence and rage. The color of desire, penance, and death. The color of blood.

Ryuuji leaned towards him. His cheek was bruised and there was blood near his temple. Bright red and sharp smelling. Rin, for a moment, wanted to taste it. Ryuuji’s scent was delicious, his skin warm and decadent. What would his blood taste like? Just thinking about it made Rin’s mouth water.

He could complete the bond. He could claim this human and never have to-

Fear. Sorrow. The air _stank_ with it. Had someone hurt Rin’s property?

“Ryuuji?”

Ryuuji choked on a sob and reached for Rin’s shoulder. A small hand caught his wrist and Rin noticed Shiemi’s presence for the first time. She smelled scared. Nee was staring at him with wide, frightened eyes. The demon was quaking.

Good. They both should be scared. No one touched what belonged to Rin.

He would show them. He didn’t have to hold back now. He could unleash it all. There was no seal to stop him. Nothing controlled his power but him, and Rin was going to show these Exorcist just what he was capable of. It would be fun to test this new body. He had control, he was going to damn well use it. No more back seat and pointless shouting at the weak human that had control of their body. He was free of that weakness.

He could burn it all. Why not? It sounded fun.

Rin got to his feet and looked around. Shiemi brought a garden forth like the ancient power of Shemihaza would stop his flames. As the trees sprang up around him, Shiemi swayed. Izumo caught her before she could fall. That was annoying. It would have been funny to watch her drop in the snow. 

“Did you do this, Shiemi?” Rin taunted as he strolled towards them. There was no need to hurry. He’d have plenty of time to play. He was faster than anything around here. He always had been. Not that the _idiot_ human had ever realized it.

It was annoying that Shiemi had already passed out. He could have played with her. She’d present a challenge. The rest he wouldn’t have to put any effort into beating. They’d submit in minutes and where was the fun in that?

“Get back.” Ryuuji ordered to the others and that _wouldn’t_ do. Ryuuji was his. Ryuuji wasn’t supposed to talk to anyone else while Rin was around. He should only be focused on Rin. It was that human’s fault. They’d never taught Ryuuji properly. They were too soft. They wanted trust and love and hated when others were scared. 

Utterly _stupid._

Ryuuji was watching him and he looked sad. Why? Rin was more powerful than he’d ever been. “Take Shiemi and clear this area. I’ll watch your back.” The aria ordered the others. 

“Bon-” Konekomaru started. Rin growled. No one got to talk to Ryuuji. Ryuuji was _his._ He hadn’t properly claimed him yet but he’d destroy anyone-

_(No!)_

Rin growled again. It was too soon. He couldn’t be waking up already.

Ryuuji was still talking. “I’ll buy you as much time as I can. Now!” 

Izumo hauled Shiemi upright and stepped back. “You heard him! You know he’s the only one that stands a chance! If Rin’s in there he’s the one that can bring him out.” 

Rin watched them go and felt his lips quirk up. This would be _fun._ “You gonna fight me, Ryuuji?” Rin purred as he took a step forward. His lover was powerful. He knew how to strike at Rin too. Hmm… He wouldn’t be opposed to being pinned by Ryuuji. Or pinning Ryuuji. He could finally show everything he’d learned about him. All those tantalizing spots to taste and touch.

Ryuuji shook his head and Rin could taste his sorrow and fear in the air. It was sour and bitter and awful. 

_(Ryu?)_

SHUT UP!

Ryuuji summoned six pegaeae and sent all but one of them after a fire Rin hadn’t noticed he’d started. 

One was floating over Ryuuji’s head. It’s tail was brushing against Ryuuji’s hair. This pathetic demon was touching Rin’s human. He might not have claimed him properly but he had put his mark on Ryuuji. Even something as insignificant as that pegaeae should be capable of sensing it. 

“Get away from him.” Rin snarled and he let his flames flare brighter in warning to the low level demon. It reared back in fright but Ryuuji held onto his control of the summons. Rin was still hungry and Ryuuji was looking especially tasty now. That control would be fun to break. He’d done it a few times and mmm… He’d wash away every hint of those other demons and show Ryuuji that he was the most powerful. Everyone else was an insect in comparison. 

But he'd destroy that pegaeae first.

Ryuuji looked at him and Rin couldn’t read it. The human was better at reading their lover. “I’ve told you I’m not a possession, Rin.” Ryuuji stated as his fingers cut through the air. The pegaeae settled begrudgingly on his shoulder. It was a taunt. A challenge.

Rin reached Ryuuji in one angry leap. He pinned the aria against the snow covered ground and breathed in the scent of his fear. Ryuuji would regret testing him. He wasn’t that weak human. Ryuuji was his. The demon was dismissed before Rin could get to it but that was okay. Rin would hunt it down after he was finished with Ryuuji. He knew that demon's scent. He'd find them again.

“You’re mine , Ryuuji Suguoro.” He wrapped a hand around Ryuuji’s throat to hold him still and pinned his left bicep down. A memory of Ryuuji pressing him against the bed sprang up in his mind and he couldn’t help the shiver of flames that shot out around him. He could pin his lover as well. He liked it. He liked having Ryuuji stuck with nowhere to go to escape him. He liked having access to everything and knowing that it was all his. Nothing could stop him from doing whatever he wanted. Ryuuji was his after all, he should have him.

Ryuuji would get the hint soon. The aria was smart.

Ryuuji tried to wriggle free. "I've claimed you as mine. You belong to me." Rin spat out and squeezed Ryuuji’s throat warningly. He wouldn’t damage him. He might scare him, but he wouldn’t do any harm to the annoyingly delicate body. Humans didn’t heal fast and broken humans weren’t fun. He didn't want Ryuuji hurt. He wasn't sure _why_ , but the didn't.

His nose guided him to Ryuuji’s throat so he moved his hand to the aria’s mouth. Ryuuji’s voice was his most dangerous part anyway. All those memorized verses. They may sound good in his deep voice but they still stung sometimes. 

Rin tasted Ryuuji’s skin and, _oh,_ it was different now. There were more layers to it. He could taste the scent in a way he never had before. 

_(Ryuuji?)_

NO! SHUT UP! 

"No one else gets to fucking touch you without my permission." Rin snarled at Ryuuji and the stupid voice murmuring in his head. It was his turn. The stupid human had been in control all their life. He wasn’t giving control up yet. 

Ryuuji tried to wiggle free. He smelled like fear. It was sharper now. Good. He had tried to anger Rin and now he was going to get the consequences. Clearly his brilliant lover hadn’t realized the rules. That was fine. Rin could explain. 

“You are mine to touch and mine alone.” He’d fight anyone who thought they could touch Ryuuji. He’d destroy them and taste their blood. He didn’t care what they were; human, demon, something else entirely, he’d take them all on. Ryuuji was worth it. 

There was a cut on Ryuuji’s cheek. He dragged his finger next to it and let the rage build in his stomach. Ryuuji had been touched and hurt. He was going to make it clear to Ryuuji that he belonged to Rin. 

“Mine to fuck,” Huh… Why not here? Ryuuji would look gorgeous against the snow. He’d have him screaming and then everyone would know Rin was the one taking him. 

His belt was easy to slice through. “Mine to burn.” He added as an after thought. He could still smell those other demons on Ryuuji and that was too much. He flared hot and sent the flames over Ryuuji’s form. It swallowed over the other scents so it was just Ryuuji.

Ryuuji tried to fling him off. “Get off me, dumbass.” 

Rin bared his teeth. “Need a reminder, Ryuuji?”

“What?” Ryuuji demanded and the fear grew stronger.

_(Ryuuji?!)_

NO! He couldn’t wake up! Not yet. He hadn’t claimed him yet. He hadn’t gotten the message across! Fucking stupid humans and their stubbornness. He had to distract his lover from the fear before the human properly woke. 

Rin claimed Ryuuji’s lips like the human always did. _Fuck_ , he got it now. Ryuuji’s mouth was intoxicating and warm and he wanted _more-_

He drew back with a yip as Ryuuji jerked on his tail. 

_(Ryuuji? What-)_

Rin shoved Ryuuji’s arm down and growled at his boyfriend and the waking human. 

“Stop fighting me.” He demanded. He couldn’t waste time. The human was going to wake up and stupid, soft, weak thing that he was, he’d stop Rin from claiming Ryuuji. “You belong to me. I claimed you and now I’m going to finish it.”

He wrenched the collar of Ryuuji’s shirt and caught Ryuuji’s arm with his tail before it could move and stop him. The mark was still on his shoulder, pale, silvery marks against the rest of his flushed skin. Beautiful and permanent. Rin’s claim, even if it was incomplete. 

“Mmm.” He couldn’t help but purr. He was still hungry and Ryuuji looked so tasty. He was scared- he should be, Rin was powerful and dangerous and Ryuuji had broken the rules - but Rin would have him smelling sweet like desire soon. He dragged his nose along Ryuuji’s throat but the scent wasn’t there yet. It would be soon. 

The scent of fear thickened. He liked the taste of it but he liked the taste of desire much better. How could he get rid of it before the human woke up? Play? The human played a lot and Ryuuji liked it. Though… he called it something else. 

“Why Ryuuji,” He tried as he breathed in Ryuuji’s scent. He’d claim him in a moment. He wanted a few more marks before then. He wanted Ryuuji screaming to the skies and that would probably take some work. Ryuuji was quiet. “are you scared?” 

Ryuuji spat blood out of his mouth and Rin realized he had some of Ryuuji’s blood on his lips and fangs. He tasted the blood and _, yes,_ it was Ryuuji. Perfect like his scent and a hint of the bond. He could finish it. He could get a real taste and Ryuuji would be his.

He wanted to try more. 

_(Ryuuji? What’s happening?)_

Rin bared his teeth and swallowed the blood. He wasn’t giving up this body.

“You’re not here.” Ryuuji murmured in a sad tone Rin didn’t like. He didn’t understand either. “Rin, come back to me.”

No. Rin was getting his turn. He was going to taste everything and Ryuuji would be satisfied and _know_ that he belonged to Rin. He’d be claimed properly and they wouldn’t have to worry about someone else spreading their stink on him. Ryuuji was Rin’s. He didn’t care if the human got squeamish about it. The aria belonged to them. 

He sat up and surveyed his boyfriend. He’d have to cover up those bruises and cuts on his head but first… First he wanted that throat. He wanted Ryuuji to submit and he wanted everyone to see the bites. The stupid human had placed the claim on a spot no one would ever see. Rin would have placed it on his throat. Right in the middle where it couldn’t be missed. 

Why not? “Think I’ll start by marking your pretty throat up.” 

It would probably hurt Ryuuji but he had to learn. He’d submit and Rin would have him.

“I’ve told you I don’t give a fuck about hickies. Hell I’m still sporting a few from yesterday.” 

Was he? His hip? Rin had pushed until the human bit him there. He loved the way it made Ryuuji shiver and he liked how angry the bruise always looked.

He didn’t realize he was licking his lips until Ryuuji scowled. “Think I’m fucking scared of some fangs?” 

It didn’t matter what Ryuuji was scared of. Rin was going to keep everything else away while he claimed this boy as his own and he’d properly have him. _Mate._ Forever. He’d belong to Rin and Rin would never give him up. He could taste him at any time and savor every scream. He’d know how Ryuuji was and no one would dare touch Rin’s property again. If they did Rin would burn them alive.

Rin lowered his head towards Ryuuji’s throat. Just one bite. Just a taste. 

“Do your worst." Ryuuji declared to the dark sky. "I trust Rin Okumura with my life.”

There was no time to fight. The words woke the human properly and the demon was shoved back as the flames took over. The world went dark and their body slumped on top of Ryuuji.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning!!!**  
> 
> 
> Rin gets in a bad headspace several times this chapter and starts getting some suicidal thoughts.

Rin woke up dizzy and dry mouthed and confused. He was laying on a soft bed and there were too many scents in the air that he didn’t recognize.

Yukio!

He sprang up in alarm and looked around a room that was not his. He was in a huge bed with pink blankets and small chibis decorating it. 

Where was he? It didn’t feel or smell familiar. Why was he alone?

What had happened to Yukio? His sword had broken… The flames-Ryuuji?

Rin clambered out of the bed and looked around the purple room. Ryuuji had been crying but he couldn’t remember why. He was pretty sure Shiemi had been there too but-

He felt weird. Stronger? And his senses were going crazy. The scratch of the silk robe against his skin made him want to growl and shred the fabric. Every single breath he took felt loud and every color seemed too bright.

The door seemed like the obvious answer. He needed answers and leaving seemed like the first step. The door wasn’t locked so he tugged it open and saw a gaudily decorated hall. It had gold trim with weird kawaii everywhere and where the hell was he?

A faint scent to the right caught his attention and even though it made him want to growl he moved towards it. Mephisto was a bastard and Rin _hated_ him but he would probably have answers.

He made it ten steps before he saw the mirror.

Everything was different. Rin had never spent a lot of time in front of mirrors. He didn’t like himself after the change because it was just a reminder that he’d failed to do the one thing his dad had told him not to do. He was a halfling now and there was no getting rid of those features. The long ears, the sharp fangs, the accentuated cheeks and the fucking tail, they were all permanent additions and even if he didn’t like them, he’d started to come to terms with them. Ryuuji was encouraging and generous with his praise and Rin thought he could probably get to the point of being comfortable with them.

Now that silly hope was gone. 

Rin was a _monster._ Everything about his face was wrong. His teeth, his eyes, his hair-

He had horns! Fuck- horns!

Rin had gotten to liking his eyes because Ryuuji was so taken with them and even though he liked Ryuuji’s eyes better, he’d thought his were pretty good. Now they were kinda fractured and swirled with a demonic red. They weren’t human. They were like Mephisto’s or Umaimon or any other demon. They were cruel looking.

His hair was stark white with the faintest shimmer of blue flames and-yep, his tail was white too. His ears had lengthened and there would be no hiding them in his hair now. 

Even the shape of his face had changed. His cheeks were sharper and bigger and his jaw was too long because all of his teeth had grown. 

And horns. Horns he wouldn’t be able to hide. Horns that cemented his demonic heritage. He looked like the monster he had always been. They had called him demon since he could remember and they had always been right. 

Rin was so shocked and horrified by what he saw that it took him at least a minute to notice the burning heart floating in front of his chest. Someone had wrapped the robe around the heart to try and hold it in place but it was still pushing against the fabric.

Was that his?

What had happened?

* * *

A fucking lot had happened apparently. 

Rin had blown up. He’d lost the sword’s seal and he’d been consumed by his flames. He came back and apparently Ryuuji had given him to Mephisto? Rin doubted it had actually gone down like that. There was no way Ryuuji had passed him off.

Worse than that, Rin had discovered his origins and they were _so_ much worse than he’d anticipated. 

Shura was right, his mother was beautiful and she was kind. She was a fantastic tamer and she was as smart as Yukio, in Rin’s opinion. She was patient and had a huge heart and Rin loved her. He had to hold the tears in and it just made watching the terrible story unfold all the harder. 

Then there was Shirou. His dad was as ornery as ever and back talking and horney and a menace. He was bitter and angry and Rin wasn’t sure he’d ever understood the old man as much as he did when he saw that rebellious glint in his dad’s eyes.

Rin loved them and it _hurt_ to watch it all fall apart. He had to spend weeks watching it and everyday made him feel less and less like there was any point.

Then they reached the night he was born and Rin saw that he’d always been a monster. He was the reason his mom died and the first thing he’d done when he was born was _kill._

Rin broke down and started to lose control because, yeah, there was a demon living full time in his head now and he had to keep a handle on himself or it could take over.

It didn’t matter. Rin was a monster. Rin had hurt everything he’d ever touched. He’d killed from his birth. They’d all been right. He was a demon. He was evil and he’d ruined all of their lives. His mother and father were dead because of him. He’d made Yukio’s life hell, he’d hurt Ryuuji, he’d almost killed his friends. He was everything he’d ever feared.

It was too much. Rin crumbled to the ground, his hands grabbing his head as a voice started screaming in his head. Let the demon rage. Rin didn’t care anymore. Rin didn’t care about anything. It was all his fault. He burned everything he touched. He was destruction and death. _Demon._

Even that was too soft a term for what he was. He shouldn’t be alive. Rin should never have been born. He was poison and there was no possible way for him to fix what he had destroyed. There wasn't any point in trying because he'd fuck it up again. He was a failure. He was the demon they'd always called him.

Mephisto grumbled in irritation, waved his hand, and Rin was down for the count.

* * *

Rin’s head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. It was the kind of headache that meant he’d been crying. He hated that feeling. 

It was cold. He was laying in a bed he didn’t recognize, again, and someone was holding his hand. That was new. It was a warm hand. Big. It made him think of Ryuuji.

He missed Ryuuji. Rin would give anything to be with Ryuuji right now. He didn’t expect to make it out of whatever plan Mephisto had-he couldn't even _care_ about that- and he would like to say a proper goodbye. 

That wasn’t all it was. He wanted to feel safe and loved once more. Just one last time. Ryuuji would hold him close and whisper encouraging words and Rin could believe them. 

_(Weak.)_

The demon was right, of course. Rin was weak. There wasn’t any reason to pretend otherwise.

Still, he forced his eyes open and saw a weirdly fancy ceiling over his head. Taking a deep breath a variety of scents assaulted his senses. His skin was buzzing and-

Ryuuji? That scent was Ryuuji. Rin would recognize that blend of prayer smoke and spices anywhere. Rin’s head snapped to the right where his boyfriend was crouched beside the bed Rin was on. 

This was a dream. There was no way Ryuuji was here. It wasn’t possible. Rin was probably still laying on the floor beside Mephisto, dreaming. Not that it mattered. Rin would take Ryuuji however he could get him, dream or real. 

He scrambled to grab hold of his boyfriend and Ryuuji immediately wrapped him up. Rin pressed his face against Ryuuji’s neck and felt tears streaming down his cheeks. Warm, solid arms wrapped around him and tugged him close. It was everything he remembered. It was safety and belonging and Rin’s heart felt like it was going to break he wanted so badly for this to be real. He inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with Ryuuji’s comforting scent, and clinging to Ryuuji because this was going to hurt _so much_ when he woke up.

A sob broke out of Ryuuji that Rin could feel through his boyfriend’s entire body. A hand slid up his back and grabbed his head, pressing him closer as Ryuuji began to weep.

Rin was pretty certain even his imagination wouldn’t summon a crying Ryuuji. He could count the number of times he’d seen Ryuuji cry on one hand and he didn’t need all the fingers. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Ryuuji sob.

This wasn’t a dream. Ryuuji was here and real. He didn’t know why or how but Ryuuji was here. Rin had missed him for pretty much every minute he was gone and the last few days had been terrible. Watching his mother die and being forced to endure everything while he sucked the life from her-

“Rin?” Ryuuji choked out as he squeezed Rin closer.

Rin pressed his nose against Ryuuji’s neck and inhaled the warm scent of his boyfriend. “How are you here?” His voice broke and he couldn’t care because Ryuuji was _real._

He couldn’t hold him close enough and if he squeezed any tighter he might hurt him.

Ryuuji released a breath that could have been a laugh if it wasn’t so wet. “I should be asking you that, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Mephisto. Are you okay?”

It was Ryuuji. Only Ryuuji would ask that ridiculous question in this situation. The last time Rin had seen him he’d almost been burned to death. Ryuuji was alive and okay. Rin hadn’t killed him. Ryuuji at least he hadn’t hurt.

Rin pulled back enough to press a kiss to his lips and then his nose and then his cheeks. “I’m fine.” His voice was too wet and the kisses were a little too frantic to be believable. Not that he cared. Ryuuji was here and Rin didn’t know how or why but he didn’t want to let him go. If he let him go the memories would come back and there wouldn’t be any escapes from the sobs of his mom and the screams of the men he’d killed.

It was already too loud.

No. He didn’t want to think about any of that. Panic was pressing against his skin, already making it hard to breathe and he needed something to ground him so he didn’t lose control. He couldn’t risk letting the demon lose around Ryuuji.

Rin caught Ryuuji’s shoulders and hauled him up on the bed. Ryuuji ended up on top of him and-yes, that was exactly what Rin wanted. Ryuuji’s weight pressed him into the mattress, surrounding him and making him feel almost steady.

“I missed you too.” Ryuuji mumbled between frantic kisses. Rin was apparently speaking out loud without realizing it. Again. “I -” Ryuuji broke into a violent sob. His entire body started to tremble and it was _wrong._ Ryuuji should never sound like that. “You _died,_ Rin.” He accused and his tears were flooding Rin’s shoulder. 

Huh? Died?

Rin didn’t get a chance to ask for clarification because Ryuuji’s scent was suddenly full of fear and that made the demon in his head wake up with an angry growl. Rin couldn’t even tell him to go away because he fully agreed with the growl. Ryuuji should never be scared. Not while Rin could get rid of whatever scared him.

Ryuuji was clinging to him. He was trembling and holding onto Rin like he would disappear if he loosened his grip at all.

Rin made a pointless shushing sound and suddenly Ryuuji was on his back and Rin was on top of him. Ryuuji’s eyes slipped close as he sucked in a trembling breath. Rin risked a quick glance around the room and didn’t recognize it. There wasn’t anything dangerous in it and the door was locked so he felt okay focusing on Ryuuji for a moment. They’d be safe.

Ryuuji exhaled in a broken, sad way. “You died.” Tears were still streaming down his handsome face - he had a bruise and a fresh cut, the tears had to sting. His voice was wobbly and Rin hated the way it sounded. Ryuuji should never sound so upset and fragile. 

“I didn’t die,” He offered. He was alive and on top of Ryuuji so obviously he hadn’t died. 

Ryuuji’s heartbroken expression immediately switched to anger. “You fucking did!” He snarled, pushing up on his arms so he was sitting. Rin scrambled backwards and seated himself on Ryuuji’s lap so he didn’t fall off. “You burned to death, Rin! There was nothing but a smoldering corpse!” 

Ryuuji broke into another sob and pulled him into a tight hug. It felt like Ryuuji was trying to squeeze them together. Every breath his boyfriend took filled the room with shuddery, broken sounds that _hurt_ to hear. 

What had happened to Ryuuji? Had he actually died? Mephisto just said he lost the seal.

_(Ryuuji?)_

Rin paused, Ryuuji was pressed against his shoulder with his entire body trembling, and swallowed. He couldn’t acknowledge the demon right now. Rin would not risk Ryuuji. Whatever happened to Rin didn’t matter but Ryuuji deserved so much better than what had happened to him.

He needed to understand what happened. Ryuuji was falling apart and he’d never seen his steady boyfriend so upset. Rin was the one that cried and got upset. Ryuuji was calm and collected. He felt _so much_ more than anyone gave him credit for- that was something Rin loved about his boyfriend. Ryuuji felt everything and he felt it in an intense way but he still kept control of himself.

And here was Rin, breaking that steady control into sobs. Rin hated the tears and they were all his fault. 

Ryuuji kept sobbing out more and more details about what had happened and Rin couldn’t make it connect in his mind. He remembered the fire and the pain of it. Ryuuji and Shiemi standing a few feet away and the terrible fear that they were going to die. There was just nothing after the flame.

Well… No. There was a hazy memory of Ryuuji shouting for him and teary eyes staring into his. Was he being held? It seemed like that was what had happened.

_(Ryuuji? Ours!)_

Ryuuji was holding him like he was scared to let go. His boyfriend’s grip was desperate and Ryuuji still wasn’t breathing properly. He recognized the signs of a panic attack. Ryuuji shouldn’t suffer like that. Not because of _Rin._ He wasn’t worth that. Not after everything he’d done. 

Not that Rin mattered. Ryuuji was sobbing and that was what mattered. Migraines had taught Rin how to relax Ryuuji so he dove into that. Rubbing circles into Ryuuji’s back with one hand he moved the other to his boyfriend’s hair and ran his fingers through the longer locks. His own heart settled at holding Ryuuji close and matching their breathing. Rin’s eyes slipped closed as he held him, breathing in his scent, soaking in his warmth.

Rin would never understand what it was about being near Ryuuji that made him lose control of what he said. He didn’t mean to blurt out his surprise that he’d upset Ryuuji so much but dang, his brain stopped filtering anything when Ryuuji was close.

“I really upset you” was clearly the wrong thing to say to his boyfriend because now Ryuuji was glaring through his tear covered face.

“Yes, you fucking moron. You dying _upset_ me.” Ryuuji dragged a hand across his face in an angry and unhappy way that just made him look more miserable. “God,” he continued, “what kind of _stupid_ question is that?!”

More tears poured down Ryuuji’s cheek and his face crumpled the wrong way. Rin’s breath hitched in pain at the sight. He reached forward but Ryuuji caught his arms before he could. 

“I love you!” Ryuuji said like he was declaring it to the world and he meant it.

(Rin’s fault. It was all his fault. He’d hurt Ryuuji and he’d killed-)

“You-” Ryuuji’s voice cracked and the tears kept falling. A spike of fear went through Ryuuji’s scent and it made Rin panic. 

Rin’s hands cupped his wet cheeks. “Hey, I’m sor-”

“Don’t you fucking _dare_!” Ryuuji snapped before Rin could finish. He drew back in surprise and mild hurt - he didn’t know why Ryuuji was suddenly angry - but Ryuuji caught him before he could move away. Broad hands cupped his cheek and his boyfriend’s thumbs compulsively rubbed his cheeks. Ryuuji just sat there, staring at him with a kind of wild desperation, stroking his cheeks and trying to get a handle on his breathing. Rin couldn’t look away and wasn’t sure what to say.

(You’re a monster. A demon. Evil. His thoughts wouldn’t shut up and he’d made Ryuuji so upset. Everything he touched suffered and died. )

Ryuuji brought their heads closer to each other so their foreheads were touching. It was a gentle motion and made Rin’s heart throb.

It felt like love. Gentle and caring and right.

“You don’t have to apologize for everything all the time.” Ryuuji murmured, still caressing his cheeks. They shared breaths in the fragile moment and Rin couldn’t stop himself from pressing closer. “Bad things happen but that-” He swallowed and rocked his head against Rin’s, “stop letting them make you think it’s your fault.” 

Rin wanted _so_ badly to believe him. Ryuuji’s eyes were sincere and there was no doubt that Ryuuji believed what he was saying. Ryuuji couldn’t lie and look someone in the eye. 

Ryuuji didn’t understand that it was Rin’s fault. He’d killed them and he’d hurt so many people.

He shouldn’t have been born. The-

Ryuuji was still staring at him. Ryuuji had leaned closer and Rin suddenly couldn’t stay away. He couldn’t resist those brown eyes. They pulled him in and made him believe. He’d never been able to resist Ryuuji. Now… He couldn’t believe the words but he could believe Ryuuji.

He always believed Ryuuji and it hadn’t… He could believe Ryuuji. 

He could forget all the terrible stuff for a few minutes. Just a few seconds with Ryuuji and-

It was a gentle kiss, tender and sweet and Rin’s heart thumped hard. He clambered closer to Ryuuji, wrapping him close with his arms and tail and moving onto his lap like they used to in their old room. Ryuuji hauled him closer, broad hand on his hip, warm hand in his hair. Messy kisses were pressed along his mouth, his jaw, his neck. They were desperate and hot and everything he’d been needing. He couldn’t get close enough. Not to Ryuuji.

It was so perfect and then Ryuuji’s hand slipped higher into his hair to tilt his head and brushed against Rin’s new horns.

Freak. Monster. _Demon._

He ripped away from Ryuuji, shame making his cheeks hot.

“Are you okay?” Ryuuji’s hands reached for him, worry in his eyes.

Rin ducked his head. “I know it’s different.”

_(Ryuuji? Take him!)_

“What’s different?”

God he loved this boy. Oblivious and everything. He probably genuinely didn’t understand what Rin was talking about.

_(RYUUJI!)_

Rin flinched and tried to shove the voice away. “Gee, Ryu,” he muttered, grabbing a few strands of his white hair. “I wonder what’s different.”

Ryuuji frowned and shuffled closer. “I don’t care that it’s different.”

Everything was different. He was a freak. He shouldn't be alive. Wrong. Failure. _Demon._

Ryuuji’s gaze turned soft and his fingers ran through the tuft of fur on Rin’s tail. It was a soothing feeling that always made his shoulders relax. It was like a warm hug and for some horrible reason, he could feel his eyes pricking with tears.

“I can’t remember…”Ryuuji murmured, caressing his tail, “Was your hair color in the list of things I said I loved about you? You know, after the chuchi. The first time I told you I loved you.”

It wasn’t. Rin would never forget a single word Ryuuji had spoken over him. He could still hear them if he closed his eyes.

Ryuuji’s lips quirked up slightly. “That’s what I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I love your ridiculous hair. I liked how it was blue when the light hit it.” His eyes darted to Rin’s new, ugly hair. “The white is fun. It’s still a little blue too.” 

Ryuuji moved towards him, hands settling on his hips to hold him close. He’d forgotten how secure that always made him feel.

“I’m in love and attracted to _you_ , dumbass.” Ryuuji murmured fondly. “Not your hair color. I know plenty of people with raven hair and it’s nothing. I’ve thought people were pretty or handsome and shit but I don’t want them.” He ran his fingers through a few strands of Rin’s hair. “It’s just you. Whatever your hair color.”

Ryuuji meant it. It was Rin that he’d chosen. Rin he loved. 

But... “The horns are weird, right?”

Ryuuji pinned his hair back and kissed him between his horns. His boyfriend cupped his cheeks and just held the pose, softly kissing Rin. Carefully, like he was afraid Rin would disappear again.

“I”d be happy to go back over everything I love about you, if that’d help. The list has gotten longer.” Ryuuji assured. 

Rin’s heart hurt. He wanted this beautiful boy so much. He loved him in a kind of frightening way but it was Ryuuji so he couldn’t be scared.

Ryuuji’s bashful grin was like sunlight and Rin couldn’t hold back. For the first time since he’d blacked out in the snow he felt attached to this new body. Ryuuji was holding him and staring at him and Ryuuji loved him and suddenly Rin needed him.

Rin kissed him because he could and he had to. Ryuuji immediately tipped his head against Rin, increasing the pressure and making it a proper kiss. The addicting scent of Ryuuji’s desire filled Rin’s nostrils and that broke him. 

_(YES!)_

Ryuuji’s hands moved to his shoulder, tugging him close, thumbing at the edge of his neck as Rin pressed him back. He put his knees on either side of Ryuuji’s hips, blocking him in so he could get at everything. He pulled at Ryuuji’s waist while his boyfriend tugged at his back until they were finally pressed flat against each other and the throbbing ache in Rin’s chest eased a little. 

He needed _more._ He wanted something to tie him to Ryuuji. He didn’t know what but he needed it. 

_(Bond. Claim. Ours!)_

Rin nosed down Ryuuji’s neck, nipping the skin as he went. His nose guided him lower, he didn’t know where he was aiming but he could almost-

“Yes,” Ryuuji mumbled, pressing at Rin’s head. He caught a hint of a scent that wasn’t right, something dark and foreign and it made him growl.

Rin’s fangs grew and, for a _horrible_ moment, he wasn’t in charge of his mouth. His head moved towards Ryuuji’s shoulder and his mouth wrapped around Ryuuji’s clothed shoulder.

He drew back sharply, eyes wide and heart pounding. He’d just lost control to the-

_(Claim him! He is OURS!)_

Demon. The demon was awake and angry and oh god-

Ryuuji sat up and reached towards him. “You okay, babe?”

_(MINE!)_

Rin forced himself to exhale and drew back the change. His entire body felt tight and he couldn’t get that horrible scent out of his nose now that he was aware of it. 

Ryuuji looked hurt. Not physically injured but a ‘my-boyfriend-just-rejected-me’ sort of hurt.

Rin’s teeth grew again. “I want you.” He growled before he could get control of himself again. “You smell wrong and I want to fix it. You’re-” 

He lost control of his flames and barely caught himself before they covered Ryuuji. 

_Not without permission._ He snarled at the monster in his head.

Ryuuji leaned back casually like Rin hadn’t just freaked out. “We’ve fought a lot of weird shit.”

_(Who touched him? Who HURT him? BURN THEM ALL!)_

“ _Fuck._ ” Rin’s hands flew to his hair as the voice screamed in rage. He lost control of his features and felt them shift into his fully demonic form. 

_(BITE HIM! SCENT HIM! KEEP SAFE!)_

Ryuuji’s hands wrapped around his wrist and tugged gently so he’d stop hurting himself.

“Instincts going crazy?” He murmured as Rin’s eyes shot to him. “I’m guessing you want to claim me? Leave your mark on me so everyone can see?” 

Ryuuji knew? How? Why wasn’t he freaking out? 

Ryuuji shifted his hold so that their fingers were woven together. He squeezed, giving Rin a sensation to hold onto that wasn’t the demon screeching. “You’ve got it all screaming in your head now, don’t you?” 

_(OURS! TAKE! BURN THE OTHERS!)_

“He keeps trying to take over - he wants to burn and take and I-” Rin gasped in a breath and it didn’t help at all. “It’s all mine!”

He was losing control. The demon was taking over. 

Ryuuji leaned towards him, his eyes determined. “Tell him to fuck off. We’re talking right now.” 

_(HE’S MINE!)_

“Anything I can do?” Ryuuji continued casually. “You can leave a mark?” 

_(I’ll claim him. I’ll take him and make him submit. He will-)_

“No.” Rin snarled, “He’ll take over and I’m not letting him _touch_ you.”

No one was going to make Ryuuji submit. Even if Rin wanted Ryuuji for his own he would never force him. He loved Ryuuji’s fiery spirit and his stubbornness and Rin would never let the demon break any of that.

Ryuuji grabbed his shoulders while he was fighting the demon. “Can we just,” His boyfriend flopped backwards, tugging Rin on top of his body. He felt the solid warmth of Ryuuji beneath him and sank into it. “There. I’m not going anywhere. You can do what you gotta. I just want to feel you.” 

Rin wiggled a little and pushed his nose against Ryuuji’s throat. His scent was strongest there and it made his heart settle. 

It had been so long since he’d been with Ryuuji and he was messing it all up. “I’m sorry.”

Ryuuji huffed out a breath. His hand slid up Rin’s back to push him closer. “Don’t apologize.” He continued to nose at Ryuuji’s throat and noticed a hint of Izumo’s scent. The demon growled but it settled Rin’s heart. Ryuuji and Izumo were safe then. They’d take care of each other. 

“I missed you.” Ryuuji added. A broad hand slipped below Rin’s shirt and pet at the base of his tail. He pressed back into the sensation eagerly and Ryuuji firmed up his grip. It made a satisfied noise rumble in his chest. Nosing along Ryuuji’s neck he came to a spot that didn’t smell quite right and couldn’t stop from kissing it. Ryuuji tilted to grant him more access so Rin pressed more kisses. He switched to a sucking kiss after a few seconds and it earned him a pleasured gasp. Ryuuji’s hand tangled in his shirt, holding him close and coaxing him on.

_(All ours. Never let go.)_

Rin bit the warm skin and heard Ryuuji grunt in surprise or pain.

He’d just _bit_ him. The demon had taken over again and Rin was a _monster._

Ryuuji pinched Rin’s side sharply. He hissed and twisted his hip away. 

“Stop talking about my boyfriend like that.” Ryuuji ordered. He moved his hand so it was pressed over Rin’s heart and drew him close so they were chest to chest again. Worried eyes gazed into his. 

“What happened to you while you were gone?” Ryuuji asked curling around him and keeping him safe. He didn’t care that Rin was losing control. He didn’t even smell scared and Rin had bitten him. Ryuuji was still holding him and keeping him together. 

Rin had no real idea of what he said. He didn’t want to think about it. He wanted to stay safe in Ryuuji’s arms but the memories were coming back and the screams were getting too loud-

The demon took over as he sobbed into his boyfriend’s shoulder and nothing was okay.


	12. Chapter 12

Rin had _almost_ forgotten how strong Ryuuji was. The biceps under his hands were flexing with the effort to break free and he actually managed to move under Rin’s grip. The other weak humans they hung out with couldn’t do that. 

Mmm, he was such a good pick for a mate. It had been…

Huh. Time was tricky, especially with Samael. The interfering bastard had stolen Rin’s body away from his proper time and forced him into a past that didn’t matter.

Ryuuji, handsome as always, glared at him defiantly and clearly didn’t realize how much that just made Rin want to take him. He wanted to devour that rebellion and bold spirit. He wanted it for his own and it was just out of his reach. All of Ryuuji was just so frustratingly close and far away.

It was okay, Rin had time. The human was broken and sobbing. It would be a while before he regained himself. 

“Give him _back_.” Ryuuji ordered with fierce eyes that made Rin’s heart flutter. It was a new sensation for him that wasn’t undesirable. The spice in his lover’s scent was stronger and it put something wild and needy in Rin’s chest. Ryuuji was rebellion and strength and he was going to give Rin a fight.

So much fun.

Rin took a moment to look away from those brown eyes to observe their room. It wasn’t particularly big but Rin didn’t need much space for this. Besides, smaller was easier to protect. There was only one door and no windows. Their back was to the door which wasn’t ideal but he could hear anything that came near. They were someplace holy judging by the buzz of power in the air. 

Irritating. A constant nag to his body and mind.

Rin wanted to claim Ryuuji here. Their pointless rituals and seals couldn’t stop him and it would be _so_ satisfying to do it and undermine their magic. He’d have Ryuuji like some sacrificial lamb. He’d desecrate their holy place and bind himself to this man. Perfect in every way.

“Ryuuji,” Rin purred, turning his attention back to his lover. Ryuuji was spread tantalizingly under him and fierce in his frustration. His submission would be sweeter than any meat. He dropped his body closer to the aria’s and inhaled deeply. “We’ve got a bed now.” He noted. “Better than that icy forest.” Ryuuji would have looked beautiful against all the white, such a perfect offering, but this was fine. Maybe Ryuuji would be willing if he was comfortable. The snow had probably been cold. Ryuuji didn’t have flames to keep him warm. 

He… Was it guilt? Was that what he felt in his stomach? It was uncomfortable and he didn’t like it.

Had he hurt Ryuuji? Could it have been painful to him? He wasn’t supposed to hurt Ryuuji in that way. Their fucking could be wild and violent but-

No. Those were thoughts the human would have. Weak.

Ryuuji struggled under his hands and earned Rin’s attention again. “Get _off_ me and give him back!” Fear filtered through Ryuuji’s scent and his eyes shot to the door like he was panicked about it.

Wrong. Ryuuji should be focused on _him._ Not the stupid door or anyone outside of it. Rin was strong enough to keep them safe. He wasn’t the weak human.

He wanted Ryuuji’s attention back so he replaced his grip on Ryuuji’s arm with his tail. With his hand unoccupied he was now free to touch the rest of his lover’s body.

There was a cut across Ryuuji’s cheek. It wasn’t bleeding so it hadn’t just happened. It hadn’t been there when he had seen him last though.

Someone had hurt _his_ lover while he was absent.

Brown eyes stared up at him, soulful and warm even in their defiance. “What have you been doing?” Rin growled. He tightened his grip to keep the aria’s wandering attention and glared.

He was happy to destroy whatever had touched his property. Ryuuji was under his protection. He would rip whatever had touched Ryuuji apart with his bare hands. He would tear its throat out and drink its blood. It was his right and he would not be denied it.

Would that impress Ryuuji? Would that make him willing to mate? 

Ryuuji turned his eyes away elusively. “A lot of shit.”

Rage came quick. He darted down and gave Ryuuji’s throat a quick nip. He didn’t get to lie or avoid questions. Not when Rin had asked nicely. He couldn’t destroy the threat if he didn’t know what it was.

Ryuuji, clever man that he was, tried to knock him off balance with a quick shove. It succeeded in knocking him on top of his lover. He kept his grip tight and didn’t release Ryuuji.

He’d never let him go. Whatever may happen, Ryuuji was his.

“You’re mine!” He snapped, and now the anger was real. He could feel it hot in his stomach and spreading out over his body. Each inhale made it all the more volatile. There were so many different scents on _his_ Ryuuji. “Who did this to you? No one else can fucking touch you. I know I told you that.” It was a gash. Something had struck his lover across the face.

Ryuuji blew out a loud, irritated breath. “I don’t know.” He huffed. “It’s hard to keep track.” The tricky man tested Rin’s grip out while he spoke. Clever Ryuuji, always thinking and planning. He wanted that mind for his own. He wanted all of Ryuuji for himself. He wanted it willingly but he’d take it anyway he could get it. The willingness could come later.

_(No.)_

Weak human. Always trying to order him.

“Tell me,” Rin dropped his weight on Ryuuji’s warm body. “Who touched you?” He wove his fingers into Ryuuji’s soft hair and tugged lightly. It smelled like his shampoo. Had Ryuuji used it while he was gone? He hoped he did. Ryuuji should smell like him, even if he was partial to the citrusy scent of Ryuuji’s hair. 

Ryuuji glared and tilted his head away. “Listen you possessive asshole, I am not an object you can own.” Ryuuij’s hands twitched and he had a feeling his lover would be poking him in the chest to drive home his point if he wasn’t pinned. It was a strangely humorous thought. “I am not a damn slave.” 

Ryuuji’s eyes were burning and he wanted him. That bold spirit was everything and perfect and begging to be taken. Ryuuji might not be a slave but he was Rin’s. He had already marked him and there was no erasing that sort of magic. 

He’d destroy anyone who even tried. Let them try. Rin would feast on their blood and their screams.

“Let Rin take the wheel. We were in the middle of a conversation.” Ryuuji ordered and Rin was torn. He loved this part of Ryuuji. Ryuuji in the snow had been broken and mournful. He had reeked of fear. This Ryuuji was alive and fighting.

But he still didn’t want Rin. He wanted the weak human and that hurt. He didn’t like it. He was stronger and better than the human. Why didn’t Ryuuji want him? Why did he resist? He’d let that pathetic human do anything he wanted. He’d let the human have him. He’d pleaded for the human. He’d followed orders and allowed the human to dominate him.

Why was he not allowed the same thing? 

“Stop fighting me! Submit to me.” A quick submission and it would all be better. Rin could claim him and they’d be bound together. The others would stay away and if they didn’t he would destroy them. He could show Ryuuji what real pleasure felt like and make him forget anyone else. Even the human.

Ryuuji tried to break free again as though Rin wouldn’t expect it of him. “No! We’re the only ones in this room, dumbass!” Ryuuji snapped as he tried to wrench his arms free. “What are you even getting territorial over? There’s no reason for it, you moron.” 

Ryuuji was smart but he was wrong. He could smell the purple one all over Ryuuji. His shirt, his pants, his chest, everywhere. What had she done with him? Why did he reek of her? His teeth grew longer just thinking about it. She’d had her hands on his lover. 

How long had it been? Had Ryuuji fucked her? He’d kill -

( _NO!)_

Rin’s head throbbed as the human shouted and tried to take over. He shoved him back and kept a lock on his mind. He was in charge.

“Are you talking about Izumo?”

Izumo? Since when was she _Izumo_ and not Kamiki? How _dare_ Ryuuji say someone elses name while they were like this. 

“Her scent is all over you.” He accused. His flames broke out and Ryuuji winced away. Rin didn’t care. Ryuuji apparently needed to be reminded that he was the strongest. He would have Ryuuji’s submission. He would remind him who he belonged to and Ryuuji wouldn’t dare touch anyone else. Rin would have him. Finally. Willingly or not.

“Because we were fighting a chimera zombie hoard.” Ryuuji answered, fear spiking through his scent. It burned Rin’s nose. 

_(Ryuuji? What-)_

Rin ignored the human. 

Wait! If they were fighting a zombie hoard- 

“You were attacked?” Ryuuji nodded like it didn’t matter. Rin couldn’t stop himself from caressing the skin under the gash. It was healing so there wasn’t any venom in it. His Ryuuji had been attacked and the weak human had been gallivanting around in the past like any of that shit mattered. He should have been protecting his mate instead of weeping over what had already happened.

Rin would have kept him safe if he’d had control. Fuck Samael. He would burn him for the pain he had caused his mate.

Ryuuji rolled his eyes, utterly nonplussed. “Demons don’t give a shit who I’m dating. I’m not sure the hundreds of zombies paused long enough to check and see who I’m with. They were too busy trying to eat us all and-”

Rin had marked him and the demons hadn’t noticed because the _fucking-stupid_ human had put it in a spot no one could see and hadn’t finished the process. Ryuuji had been hurt because of that failing. If they weren’t bound Rin would burn the human as well.

“You are mine , Ryuuji.” He murmured and brushed his fingers over the avoidable injury. “No demon should dare to touch what I’ve claimed.”

“Well I can tell you they don’t seem to give much of a fuck what you think you’ve claimed. And we’re not two year olds. You don’t get to just write your name on me.”

Ryuuji was wrong. Smart and handsome but _wrong._ Rin had already written his name on Ryuuji. But... he did bring up a good point. He’d just leave a mark in a more obvious spot. Ryuuji’s neck was there and bare and begging for his teeth. 

He bit the soft skin but not hard enough to break it. He’d save that for when Ryuuji was screaming his name. It would taste better then. 

Ryuuji tried to break free again so Rin caught both his wrists in one hand while he finished leaving a large blotch on his throat. He wanted to make it bigger but the stupid shirt was in the way. Not a problem. It was easy to rip. 

“I will have you screaming my name.” Rin promised as he moved the wrecked collar out of the way so he could get at the skin under it. He had so much to explore and taste. All of Ryuuji was his to have. 

Ryuuji fidgeted. “Ask my Rin. I’m not a screamer.”

 _My Rin?_

Why was he not Ryuuji’s? Why was it just the human? 

Anger boiled in his stomach with another feeling he didn’t understand that was hot and squirmy and _hurt_. 

(Ryuuji didn’t want him. Why? He was strong!)

Fine! If that’s the way he was going to act then Rin would claim him now. He’d sink his teeth in the strong shoulder and then he’d fuck Ryuuji until he was hoarse from screaming Rin’s name. Everyone here would know Rin was fucking Ryuuji and that Ryuuji was _his._

Rin opened his mouth over Ryuuji’s shoulder and promptly had his ear bitten by Ryuuji. It hurt and he drew back with a whine and lost control of his flames. They flared out threateningly and Ryuuji just squinted a little. The useless human had robbed their lover of his fear of flames. 

(Why did that feel… nice?)

Strong legs wrapped around his middle to pin him in place. He couldn’t get enough leverage to get the legs off with only one hand, the idiot had his tail pinned, so he had to release Ryuuji’s wrists to free... himself…

This was a much better position. Ryuuji’s powerful thighs under his hand, his body still spread out like a feast waiting to be devoured. The clothes were in the way but that would hardly be a problem.

He was so hungry. He’d savor every moment of this. It didn’t matter if Ryuuji didn’t want him. The strange hurt and discomfort of that was unimportant. He’d have Ryuuji anyway and his lover would enjoy it and see he was the better option. He knew what his mate liked. He’d watched it all. Every gasp, every shiver, every shout. Rin had seen it all and _remembered_.

“Why are you fighting me?” He asked casually because Ryuuji always seemed to like it when the human chatted with him. “You let him touch you like this. I can show you what real strength is.” He lowered closer to his lover’s bared chest and dragged his tongue along Ryuuji’s collar bone. It always earned a shiver. “I’ve seen your eyes when he overpowers you.” He added with a smirk. Ryuuji flicked away from the touch of his tail. He wasn’t sure if it was a ticklish reaction or if it was Ryuuji fighting him. “I know what you like.” 

Either reaction was fine. He could enjoy Ryuuji’s laughter, a guilty pleasure, or… Or he could break the fight and finally have Ryuuji.

He kissed and licked his way back to the shoulder they’d marked. So close to a proper claim. Stupid fucked-up human hadn’t managed to finish it. “He couldn’t even claim you properly. You’d already be ours if I’d had control. No one would touch you. They would look at you and know you were mine. No one else can have you.” 

Ryuuji huffed in irritation. “What are you not getting here?” Broad hands shoved at his shoulder to push him away. It was a good effort but not near enough to dislodge him. Still, his mate wanted his attention, he could have it. Rin lifted his head and peered down. He was starting to lose patience with this. He was going to have Ryuuji. 

“There is no one trying to get me.” Ryuuji insisted with an annoyed tone. “‘Sides, it wouldn’t matter if every other person was trying to lay me, there is no one else I’m after, you fucking idiot.”

Oh, that’s right. He’d forgotten. Ryuuji wasn’t like the others. He didn’t like others. 

“That’s right. You have specific taste.” He couldn’t help a little chuckle. Everything about Ryuuji was so enticing. Only Rin’s. His mate wouldn’t even notice others. Not that he should since Rin had fucked him. It was nice to know there was a safeguard there though. Not that he would have needed it. 

He wanted him and this was getting annoying. He hadn’t heard Ryuuji’s gorgeous noises in so long. His skin was burning with the need to hear them. It didn’t matter if he didn’t like Rin, Rin had chosen him and he would have him. 

Something was wrong with Ryuuji’s face. It was scrunched up like he had been cruel. 

Was it the laugh? Ryuuji was… hurt?

“Doesn’t matter, my Ryuuji,” He assured and kissed his way back down that throat, “if you don’t desire. They desire you. They cannot have you.” He popped back up and decided he’d try the kiss again. It had-

Ryuuji blocked him with a hand and a grunt of irritation.

“Again,” Ryuuji muttered impatiently, “I don’t care if everyone and every demon was trying to chase me - they aren’t, you paranoid moron- I’m still not fucking them. I’m with Rin. He’s my boyfriend. Why the hell would I let him bite me if he wasn’t mine?”

Mine? _Mine?_

Did… Did Ryuuji want to claim him? But Ryuuji always stopped them. He hadn’t completed the bond when they’d tried. Rin had screamed for him but he hadn’t joined. Had he not understood the call? That was fine. Rin could explain it to him. 

Ryuuji pushed up on his forearms and stared at Rin. “What what?”

“Mine?” 

( _Ryuuji?)_

NO! It was Rin’s turn! They were _finally_ getting somewhere. They were going to get claimed and Ryuuji wanted them and-

“That’s how this works.” Ryuuji murmured. “Rin and I are in a relationship. It’s exclusive.” 

Exclusive? Ryuuji was already his? Ryuuji thought Rin was his? Ryuuji thought he’d claimed him? Ryuuji wanted him like that? 

Hmm, now that was an appetizing idea. Rin wouldn’t mind that at all. There would be plenty of time to have Ryuuji. Being had by Ryuuji could take priority. All those muscles and that fiery spirit… Yes. That would be fun.

Rin pushed his lover back down with a hand on his chest and crawled on top of him slowly. Ryuuji stretched his legs out and stared up at him with confusion. Rin was still nestled cozily between his legs.

“Prove it.” He purred.

Ryuuji’s brow got a little confused furrow. He wanted to taste it and feel it beneath his lips. “Huh?” Ryuuji murmured.

His lover was being a little slow today. “If I’m yours then prove it.”

The spicy, delectable scent of Ryuuji’s desire filled the air and Rin drank it in like it could sustain him. 

Apparently he wasn’t the only one that wanted to claim.

Ryuuji swallowed, throat bobbing temptingly. “No, not without Rin’s permission. We have an agreement.” His voice was dry and the scent of arousal was still pouring off him. Ryuuji _wanted._

Rin leaned closer. “I am Rin.” He coaxed.

That big brain wouldn’t stop thinking. He could see it in Ryuuji’s eyes. He was trying to work something out and Rin was getting tired of it. He only had control for so long and he wanted to have Ryuuji at least twice before the stupid human woke up fully. He would not let him go without a proper claim. 

“Alright.” Ryuuji murmured slowly, “If you’re Rin then what were you crying about?”

_(It was our fault! Don’t hurt him!)_

The human was waking. Rin wasn’t going to have time for anything. Every moment of his life that human had dragged him down and robbed him of his freedom. Now he was robbing him of Ryuuji and his lover wanted the human and not Rin.

“He’s weak.” Rin purred as he caressed Ryuuji’s warm skin. “Pathetic.”

Ryuuji pinched his hip. It stung and he jerked away from the sensation only to have Ryuuji shove himself upright. 

“Don’t talk shit about my boyfriend.” 

That was it. Claiming or claimed, Rin would have Ryuuji. "I'm done asking, Ryuuji."

“Then learn what no means, you bastard.”

Rin shoved his lover back against the bed and sent his flames over Ryuuji. The clothes burned away revealing Ryuuji’s body to his hungry eyes. The scent of the other demons and humans were swallowed by his own scent and it was no effort to hold him down and look his fill. So much skin to touch and taste. 

“Rin!” Ryuuji blurted desperately. Fear filled his scent and twisted Rin’s stomach. He ignored it because he finally had Ryuuji calling for him. It wasn’t enough though. Not nearly enough. Rin wanted it all.

He got his lips right next to Ryuuji’s ear. “I said _scream_ my name. ” He’d heard Ryuuji scream for him so little but he would hear it here. He ran his tongue along the shell of Ryuuji’s ear, nibbled on the cuff at the top and shifted up so he could see his face. 

Ryuuji was glaring again. “Go back to hell. Let Rin out.”

“He’s weak.” Rin purred and adjusted himself over Ryuuji so that his weight was fully settled on him. He’d have Ryuuji and then his lover would understand. He was better than the human. Ryuuji was his. All his. 

He tried for another kiss and was rejected again. Ryuuji was naked and Rin was surrounding him but he still couldn’t get his arms around him. Ryuuji was always _just_ out of his reach. What was wrong with him?! Why didn’t the aria realize he was the better choice?

“You belong with me. ” Rin snapped. He was losing control of himself. Maybe that would frighten Ryuuji into submission. 

Ryuuji struggled against his hold. “I am not a fucking possession!” 

He couldn’t get him. It didn’t matter what he did. If he broke Ryuuji’s body his spirit would be eternally out of reach and that was what Rin wanted. The body was pleasurable but it was the willful, vibrant, kind spirit he wanted. He could take the body but it would break and Ryuuji’s spirit would be lost. He wanted that beautiful spirit for himself and He. Could. Not. Get. It.

He could try and try but what if it was always out of reach? He could take him. He could make Ryuuji scream. Would it be enough? Would he have that courageous, stern, beautiful spirit then? Would it be gone?

It was all he could try. He had to have it. _He had to have Ryuuji._

He kissed his way up Ryuuji’s jaw and to his ear. He tried to twist his head away but Rin just followed. He was done playing and was ready to take. He had to have him. The need was churning in his stomach and he was done fighting it. “I’m guessing you didn’t bring any supplies.”

“Get off of me, damnit!” 

He kissed the side of Ryuuji’s mouth. The struggles were getting weaker. His lover was tiring out. Easier to take. “Doesn’t matter if you didn’t. I can prepare you.” It’d be fun to prepare Ryuuji. He wanted to fuck him on this bed. He wanted Ryuuji pleading, sobbing and begging for more. He wanted him completely ruined and perfect. 

A strange stillness settled over Ryuuji. “Rin,” He called again. “Come back to me.” His scent was subdued and that was no good.

“He can’t hear you. And as I said, I am Rin." He found the cut again and nosed at it. There wasn’t any hint of venom or poison but he still didn’t like it. He didn’t like that something had gotten close enough to touch let alone injure.

"Do you even care that I was hurt or just that someone else might have touched me? If I had gotten injured falling would it matter?" Ryuuji asked softly and a little sadly.

Rin straightened and stared at Ryuuji. Why would his lover ask that? He would kill anything that hurt Ryuuji and if it couldn’t be killed he’d remove it. Had Ryuuji fallen? This didn’t look like a fall wound. 

"I already told you I don't remember." Ryuuji said around a sigh. Rin hadn’t realized he’d spoken but that was okay. He had an answer and he didn’t like it. What had his lover been through that he couldn’t remember injuries?

"I don't like that you're hurt." Rin stated and leaned closer. Ryuuji’s arms twitched under his hands but not like he was trying to get away. "I don't like that someone touched you." He explained because Ryuuji, smart as he was, didn’t seem to understand. “You're not supposed to be hurt."

Ryuuji’s eyes were sad and it made Rin want to growl. "That doesn't change the fact that I was. It also doesn't mean I'm going to stop hanging with Izumo or Light or any of the others." 

Rin would not let Ryuuji get hurt. The human was too weak to save their lover but he wasn’t. Only he got to see Ryuuji’s blood. Only he got to taste it and mark Ryuuij. He would overlook his lover speaking their names for now. Ryuuji would learn that Rin was the only name allowed on his lips. He would give him a few moments more before he took and then Ryuuji would only be speaking his name.

"Then I'll change it. You're not to be hurt." Rin leaned towards him and Ryuuji turned away, rejecting him. "What is it?" He demanded. It didn’t make sense! "We share the same body! He's the one you're attracted to so why do you keep fighting me?" They looked the same. He should be irresistible to Ryuuji. Only him.

"It's not the body. It's Rin." He grunted. "You're not Rin." 

He was Rin. He had always been Rin. It wasn’t _fair._ He’d been shoved in the back seat all their life and now his mate didn’t recognize him. It was the human’s fault! "You like my tail and fangs and ears. You like the demon part." He added while he returned to his spot between Ryuuji’s legs. His lover wasn’t aroused yet but that wasn’t necessary for the claiming and Rin could get him there. 

Ryuuji tried to kick him away again. 

_(Don’t hurt him! STOP!)_

He wasn’t hurting him! It was the human’s fault this was even happening! What did he care? He wanted to die. If he didn’t want the body then why shouldn’t Rin have it?!

"What does it even matter? He thinks we shouldn’t have been born. If he despises his life I’ll gladly take it.” He snarled the words without meaning to. The stink of fear filled the room as Ryuuji lost it. There was a snarl from his lover and Rin was on his back with his ears caught by the aria. Furious eyes were glaring down at him as though it was his fault the human was weak. 

“Give him back NOW!” Ryuuji ordered hotly. “You’re not hurting him and I’ll be damned if I let him think he shouldn’t have been born. Give him to me!”

Fuck _yes._ This is what he’d wanted. That hot spirit was paying attention to _him_ now. He could taste the resolve and passion in the air and it made his mouth water. His tongue darted out and licked at his fangs eagerly. He could taste the spark of Ryuuji’s anger and it was delicious.

“There’s that strength we chose you for.” He grunted, taking in his new position. Ryuuji was heavy and solid and Rin could escape - painfully probably but he still could - but he wanted to see where this went. 

Ryuuji squeezed his ears painfully and Rin yelped. His hands shot up to wrap around Ryuuji’s biceps and squeeze so he could flip them over again. Ryuuji cried out with pain, Rin recoiled, and everything went black as the human slammed forward and took over again.

Ryuuji was still unclaimed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning!!!**  
> 
> 
> Rin is still in a bad headspace several times this chapter and struggles with some dark thoughts. He gets better but I'm warning just the same.

Ryuuji had a panic attack at the thought of Rin trying to die. 

A panic attack. Ryuuji who was the epitome of calm and could make the wild anger and shouting voices in Rin’s head quiet, had a _panic attack_ because Rin hated himself. 

Ryuuji didn’t think it was his fault and wanted Rin to live. 

Rin didn’t doubt Ryuuji loved him - it was impossible to think Ryuuji didn’t love him with how open about it his boyfriend was - but seeing tears in Ryuuij’s brown eyes and hearing him whisper pleas for Rin to believe that he wasn’t worthless and responsible for their deaths-

He could hardly breathe. They weren’t going to be able to stay together. Ryuuji was going to be taken away and there wasn’t _time._

Ryuuji stared at him tenderly and brushed the back of his knuckles against Rin’s face. He was handsome and close and Rin didn’t want to lose him. Brown eyes as soulful as chocolate and solid as a cedar watched him, taking all of him in. Demonic bits and human bits and didn’t seem uncomfortable with any of it. Ryuuji was holding his waist and keeping him steady, uncaring that he’d been overpowered and threatened. He was naked and as vulnerable as he could get and he still trusted Rin. He trusted him and loved him and it was almost too much.

Ryuuji believed in him and he made Rin want to believe in himself and it was terrifying.

Ryuuji’s grip tightened on his hips and suddenly Rin was being kissed dizzyingly. He clambered onto Ryuuji’s lap so the angle was better and pulled him closer. There was a strong arm around his waist and a broad hand curled around the back of his head to keep him close. He loved, loved, _loved,_ this boy and this boy loved him and it was too much to think about and too much to hold inside. Ryuuji fell backwards, pulling Rin on top of himself, and kissed him deeply. Hungry, desperate kisses that made Rin cling to his boyfriend. 

Ryuuji kept trying to pull him closer but they couldn’t get closer and it felt impossible to get rid of the almost anxious need in his chest. He was pressed against Ryuuji-solid, warm, perfect - but it wasn’t quite enough. He needed something and he just didn’t know what. The demon was snarling in his head to take and dominate and he didn’t care. Ryuuji was here and, fuck, Rin had missed him. He’d missed the solidness of Ryuuji and the comfort and the steadiness. He’d missed the way he made Rin feel anchored and calm and alive in a way others just didn’t. 

Broad hands slid over his back. One buried itself into his hair, tugging and directing him where Ryuuji wanted him. Another dipped to the waistband of his pants and played with the base of his tail. 

Ryuuji broke away for air and Rin couldn’t stop a whine. He buried his nose in Ryuuji’s beautiful throat and inhaled sharply. 

_(Bite him! Claim him while we still can! It won’t stop until you-)_

Rin nipped at the skin of Ryuuji’s trapezius and drew back to stop himself from doing anything more. 

_(STOP BEING WEAK! Claim our MATE! Claim RYUUJI!)_

Ryuuji glared at the ceiling with a scowl that Rin would have found adorable at any other time. He did owe him an explanation though. He was the one that kept instigating the kisses and breaking them off.

Rin shook his head. “He keeps shouting in my head.”

_(USELESS WEAKLING! Claim our mate before he escapes. Others will take him! PROTECT HIM! He is OURS!)_

Ryuuji’s head lifted right up and his soft eyes locked on Rin. “The demon?”

Rin nodded. “He keeps-um…” He trailed off because he didn’t quite want to say what was wrong. He didn’t want to admit that he wanted to leave a scar on Ryuuji that would tell everyone he was Rin’s.

Ryuuji slid his hand up Rin’s thigh. “What?” He coaxed. It was a little thing. It was just a touch but it was open. Ryuuji didn’t think about touching Rin. He didn’t hesitate to do it. He trusted Rin even after everything and he wasn’t afraid. Rin could be honest because of that. 

“He’s angry at me.” 

“Why? For taking your body back?”

Probably but no. The demon was pissed about the partial claim, whatever the fuck that meant. 

_(IDIOT! It should be mine!)_

Ryuuji sat up and persuaded him nearer. Ryuuji’s hands were on his hips, holding him secure and relaying an enviable strength. Not just physical - Rin was stronger but he didn’t show it - but a spiritual strength that Rin loved. 

Those soulful eyes stared at him. “Do you know how demon's mate?” He asked softly.

Rin went stiff because he had not anticipated that but apparently Ryuuji expected him to go stiff because he pet at Rin’s tail. It made his shoulders relax and his stomach unclench. 

Ryuuji had asked him a question. “No… Is that what I did?” He couldn’t help but curl his hand around the scarred shoulder. “I only knew I wanted to bite you and I wanted it big.” His tail coiled around Ryuuji’s arm because he didn’t want him getting away. “I wanted people to see it.”

_(Then you should have put it on his throat.)_

“I’m impressed you stopped yourself.” Ryuuji’s nose brushed along his skin as he spoke and it sent a bolt of want right up Rin’s spine. Ryuuji inhaled sharply and pulled away from Rin’s neck. “At the time I just thought it was a reflex. You’re always chewing on your lips when you’re feelin’ it.” The pad of his boyfriend’s thumb brushed over his bottom lip. It was dizzying and, for once, the demon was quiet. “I forgot about the burn because, well…” he laughed and blushed, “Reasons.” 

Rin couldn’t get any air. “Burn?” 

Ryuuji hummed affirmatively, still brushing across his lower lip. “When you let go I remember a brief sting. I thought it might be venom but you’re a halfling and your bites had never bothered me before.”

Ryuuji’s thumb slipped into his mouth and swept over the tip of Rin’s bottom fangs. Rin’s mouth opened wider automatically because he wanted Ryuuji to have access to whatever he wanted. The demon was purring from the gentle touch and he could feel the urge to bite into Ryuuji’s shoulder growing stronger. 

“I forgot about it after,” Ryuuji continued, unaware of Rin’s distracted state, “ ‘cause all the Section 13 stuff took over.” Rin slid the hand not cupping Ryuuji’s shoulder up to his neck. Every instinct was telling him to pull Ryuuji close and- he just didn’t understand what it wanted. “I was on the wrong track.”

Ryuuji was working through something, Rin could see it in the slightly hazy look in his beautiful eyes. Rin loved him deliriously and could wait for whatever he was thinking about but it was going to be hard with Ryuuji so close and-

Ryuuji removed his finger from Rin’s mouth and cupped his cheeks instead. He was pulled gently into a soft kiss that made Rin’s heart flutter and made his lungs feel empty and his entire body shivery. 

“But it was instinct.” Ryuuji murmured against his lips. Rin breathed in the words and trembled. “Just a different kind.” 

“Instinct?” Rin murmured against his boyfriend’s lips. “For what?”

Ryuuji pulled away from him and inhaled sharply. He blinked twice and looked at Rin with a dazed longing that tore through Rin’s chest.

“Yeah, instinct.” Ryuuji managed as he dropped one of his hands back to Rin’s waist. “I finally learned about it. Demon’s have the ability to… claim? their mates. It’s a little like a soul pact.” 

_(Claim him. Bond with him. Our mate. Our perfect mate.)_

“You’ve heard of Faust? How he sold his soul to a devil for pleasure?” 

That was probably one of the only things that could have cut through Rin’s haze of desire. 

Sold. His. Soul.

Ryuuji, beautiful, kind, loyal, good, compassionate, Ryuuji had almost lost his soul because of Rin. Rin in a mindless moment had bitten him and he could have damned him. Ryuuji could have been damned to eternal torment because Rin was weak. 

_(NO! Shut up you useless-)_

“No.” Ryuuji assured, pulling him back into a loose embrace, “You can’t damn me. That would require me giving my soul over. ‘Sides, I’m buddhist.”

Rin shook his head. It didn’t make sense and the demon was snarling in a language he didn’t understand. “What do you mean? ‘Cause it sounds like selling your soul.”

Selling his soul. Ryuuji losing his soul. It made his chest tight and his head spin. Ryuuji couldn’t be lost. Not because of Rin. 

“Marriage unites humans, claiming unites demons. It’s a binding between souls, not a selling. With a demon and a human it’s a little less powerful. Between a halfling and a human it’ll basically just let you know if I’m in extreme pain.”

_(It will make him ours. Bound forever. Our mate. Ryuuji ours. Bite him!)_

“It’s also like wearing a wedding ring.” Ryuuji added playfully. “It tells other demons that I’m off the market.” He rubbed his cheek against Rin’s neck and it was like a jolt of electricity through his entire body. It was belonging and desire and he wanted to push Ryuuji back against the bed and wrap him up so he couldn’t escape. “You won’t have to scent me every five minutes. You’d always linger on me.”

God, everything in him flared at that thought. Ryuuji would always carry his scent and it would warn others off. It would be perfect. Ryuuji would be-

_(OURS!)_

But… It didn’t matter. None of that mattered if Ryuuji’s soul was in danger. He’d leave right now and never look back before he risked Ryuuji’s soul. He didn’t consider himself Catholic but this was something he couldn’t overlook. He’d never risk Ryuuij’s soul. Not for himself. Never for himself. 

“And your soul? What about that?” Rin’s hand squeezed the bitten shoulder as the demon shrieked in annoyance. 

“I’m a buddhist monk, Rin.” Ryuuji laughed a little and shook his head like something was endearing. “Your Catholic is showing. I don’t believe in heaven or eternal souls.”

What?

Ryuuji lifted his hand up and pressed their palms flat together. He used his own fingers to spread Rin’s fingers up. He tilted his fingers slightly away so their hands weren’t aligned. Brilliant eyes gazed at him, completely okay with explaining things to Rin. He was a lot more patient than when they’d first met. Well… he was with Rin at least.

“One of the core beliefs of Buddhism is that there is no you and there is no I.” Ryuuji murmured, voice soft and hypnotic. “We’re not as distinct as the world would have us believe. The ultimate goal is to achieve Oneness with everything.” He slid his fingers over so they lined up with Rin’s. “Nirvana.”

_(Claim him and we’ll be one. He won’t need Nirvana.)_

Ryuuji shrugged, unaware of the demon’s words and wove their fingers together. “I’m not after eternal life or heaven or any of that stuff anyway.” He continued. “At least not in this life.” He kissed Rin’s nose and smiled. Rin’s heart thumped and he had to suck in an embarrassingly loud breath. “I’m after enlightenment.” Ryuuji flirted with a beckoning smile that made Rin blush. He wasn’t even sure why it was so alluring but he wanted to enlighten Ryuuji. Hell, he wouldn’t mind being enlightened. 

“Far as I’ve read it won’t harm my soul.” Ryuuji added, eyes drinking Rin in. He was smiling softly, fondly, and then he suddenly wasn’t. His lips quirked down in a small frown and he seemed suddenly heartbreakingly sad. 

_(Ryuuji? Hurt him? FIX IT!)_

“I’m not asking you to mate with me, Rin” Ryuuji stated, lips still tugged down. “I’m just trying to explain why you’ve got the urge to bite me again in that spot. It’s a partial bond. We’d have to start over to do it but you’ve kinda put a stamp on me that says you’re interested.” Ryuuji’s thumb brushed along jaw compulsively and Rin was fairly certain his boyfriend wasn’t aware of the action. “If you understand it you won’t need to be scared by the urge.” 

The frown was bigger and his eyes were just _sad._

“Hey,” Rin’s tail squeezed Ryuuji’s arm and Rin’s fingers brushed over the scars gently. He pressed closer to his boyfriend and ducked his head so he could see him properly. “Why did you get sad?”

Ryuuji smiled unconvincingly. “I’m not sad.”

Why was he lying? “Yeah you are.”

Ryuuji’s eyes narrowed in irritation. “What? Can you smell my emotions now?” 

What had just happened? Why was his boyfriend upset?

_(Claim him. Take him and make him ours now. No more waiting.)_

Rin ignored the words and cupped his boyfriend’s cheek. “Look who’s trying to change the subject now.” He brushed his thumb along the edge of Ryuuji’s lip. His boyfriend didn’t seem to realize he was frowning again. “I know your scent better than pretty much anyone else but no. It was the frown. What happened?” 

Ryuuji dropped his head on Rin’s shoulder and rocked back and forth a few times. “It’s been an emotional night.” He muttered. Ryuuji inhaled loudly and wrapped his arms around Rin’s waist. “How long are you here for?”

Rin could hear the hesitation in Ryuuji’s voice and it _hurt_ . Rin didn’t know. He had no idea how long he was here or even _why_ he was here to begin with. He didn’t want to leave.

Ryuuji shivered and Rin was suddenly vividly aware of his lover’s nakedness. His eyes darted suspiciously to the door -the demon was snarling territorily in his mind- and pulled the blanket back up. He wrapped them both together and laid back against the bed with Ryuuji.

A warm hand slid up his back and pulled him close. “By breakdown do you mean the demon took over?”

Rin nodded and hid his head against Ryuuji’s shoulder.

“Huh.” Ryuuji murmured, playing with his hair. He tilted his head just enough to see his boyfriend staring at him. “Could you hear me the first time it happened?” He asked quietly. “When Shiemi made a forest?”

Rin started to shake his head but paused. “I think… I think I heard you calling my name? I was busy yelling at demon me to really be paying attention.” His brow furrowed in concentration. “I heard you say you trusted me.” He spoke slowly and then with more confidence. “I couldn’t let you be hurt.” His leg slipped between Ryuuji’s and curled around his calf. He’d almost forgotten his boyfriend was naked but now it was hard to nice anything else. “I forced him out.” 

Not quickly enough though. Ryuuji had been scared and hurt and Rin had done it. He’d been too -

_(Weak. Pathetic.)_

Ryuuji smiled and kissed his forehead. “Looks like I was right to trust you. How does that whole thing work? The demon thing.”

Rin fidgeted and tried not to think about the demon. “Whaddaya mean?”

“Is he you or someone else?”

Someone else. Every ounce of his spirit wanted to scream it but-

_(Liar! I AM you. I have always been you. I am stronger and will have this body.)_

No! It wasn’t true. Rin wasn’t a demon. He wasn’t!

_(You’re lying to yourself, you know. You’ve always wanted this power. You’ve always known you were stronger than them. You’ve always known you were better than all these weak humans.)_

He wasn’t better and he wasn’t a demon! He was Rin. He was Rin and he didn’t have to choose!

_(You know that they should all have submitted to you. Calling you a demon because they were too weak to take what they wanted. Why should you hold back for their weakness? It’s you’re right -)_

Ryuuji’s hand tugged on his hair. “I’m not mad or anything.” He pointed out. “You can talk to me.”

Rin didn’t know. He just didn’t know. He wasn’t that monster but-

_(You are. Stop denying that we’re-)_

He closed his eyes and hid his head against Ryuuji. “I don’t know. I don’t wanna think it is but-” 

_(It is. I am you. I have always been you. Give me back our body.)_

Flames flared in his hair and along his shoulders. He was a freak. He was evil. He was a monster. 

“Did Mephisto tell you anything?” 

Rin huffed. As if Mephisto would tell him anything.

_(Samael is useless.)_

At least they could agree on that. Yippee. “Not a lot about that.” He sighed. “If it is me?”

“Then we’ll figure out something.” Ryuuji assured. “Maybe we have a phone conversation and get to know each other so he isn’t just trying to fuck me. Maybe I let him leave a hickey on my back or something if he behaves.”

_(Get to know each other? I will have him. He is mine.)_

Rin scowled. “No.” His nails dug into Ryuuji’s hip compulsively as he mentally hissed at the demon. Ryuuji was his and the demon wasn’t going to touch him.

Ryuuji raised an amused eyebrow. “Scared or possessive?” Rin’s hand released his boyfriend’s hip and pet the skin apologetically. He really was a freak. 

_(You can’t stop me forever. I will have him.)_

“It can be both.”

“Both.” Fuck, he was the worst. Ryuuji deserved a much better boyfriend. He deserved someone human and kind and not fighting a demon. He should leave and let Ryuuji lead a normal life. He’d dragged him into a fight against demon kings and monsters and he would never be safe again.

_(I will destroy any threats. The boy is mine and will always be-)_

He was not a possession! Ryuuji was their boyfriend but he wasn’t something to -

_(Our mark is on his neck. We already own him-)_

NO!

“Hey,” Ryuuji trailed his fingers over Rin’s cheek and offered him a small slightly shy smile. “Do you know I want to marry you someday?”

Rin’s brain kinda stopped. The demon’s shrieks cut off as well and there was just shocked silence. Ryuuji’s big eyes were staring down at him, shy and nervous and this incredible boy wanted to marry him? 

“Was that a proposal?” He asked, hoping if it was a joke he could just laugh it off before he started imagining a future with Ryuuji and a family.

It was too late. Too damn late. He could see them at the temple, Ryuuji in formal robes in front of the fire and oh, children. Tiny boys that looked like Ryuuji or girls that looked like-

Ryuuji shook his head. “Nah, I’m not that lame. When I propose you’ll know it.” He grinned and tapped Rin’s nose. “I’ll blow your socks off.”

When?

_(When?!)_

Rin grabbed onto his boyfriend. “Not if I beat you to it, Ryuuji.” 

His heart thumped hard and he felt a ridiculous grin lift his lips. Ryuuji wanted to marry him. Rin was an utter freak and Ryuuji wanted to marry him. Ryuuji was his. He was Ryuuji’s and both parts of himself wanted it. because Bon wasn't going anywhere. He lifted himself up on one arm and looked in Rin's eyes.

Ryuuji rolled him onto his back and the blanket slipped away. His boyfriend sat back, glancing at the door suspiciously to confirm it was locked.

Rin propped himself up on one arm and reached for Ryuuji with the other one. There was too much distance between them and it was making him feel like he’d fly apart. He wasn’t tethered to this body and the demon could take over at any moment. Ryuuji noticed his seeking hand and drew closer. It wasn’t nearly close enough but Rin could reach him now. 

Rin’s arms wrapped around Ryuuji’s body while Ryuuji braced himself with an arm over Rin’s head. Warm skin pressed against him when Ryuuji _finally_ let him take his weight. Rin exhaled loudly and his body didn’t feel loose and dangerous anymore. It was his. Ryuuji anchored him. 

The weight should probably make him overwhelmed or at least claustrophobic. Ryuuji was heavy and bigger than him but instead it made him arch up into the weight. He was pinned a moment later, happy and secure. Now… Now Rin’s eyes couldn’t stop noticing details. Ryuuji’s arm flexing as he lowered, freckles dusting Ryuuji’s cheek and nose, kiss swollen lips opening on a pretty pant, the intensity making his eyes look dark. 

Ryuuji kissed across his face, frantic little pecks that turned slower as Rin slid his hand up Ryuuji’s bare back. Rin’s grip tightened, the demon purring in his head, and Ryuuji kissed down to his throat. Their bodys pressed slowly against each other until Ryuuji’s teeth were against his throat on a low, almost pained, sound. The feel of Ryuuji against his neck made his head shove back into the pillow. He moaned embarrassingly loudly as Ryuuji breathed against his clavicle. 

_(Ours! Ryuuji-)_

The demon’s voice cracked in his head as Ryuuji teeth sank into his trapezius. Every part of Rin cried out, desperate for more. Rin wound his fingers through Ryuuji’s soft hair, tugging more than he meant to. Ryuuji pressed against him in response, flattening him against the mattress as his teeth and lips worked Rin’s skin. 

“Ryuuji,” Rin choked, hand fisting in the hair he had. Ryuuji grunted and released his trapezius. 

“I can’t make it stay.” He mumbled into Rin’s neck. “I’m sorry. I-”

Rin babbled something about love and good and more. The demon keened in his head, raging at their healing and the already fading mark from their mate.

He… He didn’t think he’d ever felt so in tune to the demon. It wasn’t trying to take over. It just wanted more. Even though he could feel it calling for Ryuuji and the bond it wasn’t pushing. 

They’d both apparently missed Ryuuji.

His hand slid up Ryuuji’s back, nails digging in bruisingly. His other hand released his boyfriend’s hair to grab hold of the muscles of Ryuuji’s ass and his boyfriend choked out a sound that was close to a sob against his shoulder.

The demon surged forward in sudden alarm. Rin barely caught him before he could take over. His flames poured out over Ryuuji and the bed, too hot and almost wild. Rin couldn’t breathe for a moment and Ryuuji was too far away. 

_(Hurt?! Ryuuji hurt?!)_

Rin shook his head.

Ryuuji sat up, straddling his waist, and stared down at him. “Rin?” He called in a surprisingly calm tone. “You okay?” Rin’s tail shot out and wound around Ryuuji’s upper chest. One hard jerk saw his boyfriend pressed against them again. 

For at least a few wild moments, there was no distinction between his halves. There was just Rin and there was just Ryuuji.

* * *

They had fallen asleep with Ryuuji in their arms, safe and secure, and now they were fucking back with Samael. Rin would kill him if he could.

Ryuuji was not in a good place and he was going to panic when Rin was missing. He’d suffered four separate panic attacks while Rin had been with him. _Four._

Rin had never really seen Ryuuji panic before this. He was composure and certainty. Even when he’d been ‘freaking out’ about the Impure King he’d done it in a relatively calm manner. Though that might have been because Rin’s freak outs were loud and dramatic. 

The past didn’t matter. Ryuuji mattered. Yukio mattered. The present and the people under Rin’s protection mattered. The past had been left to Samael’s charge and he’d fucked it up. It was his responsibility, not Rin’s. 

Not that the human realized that. 

The human loved and felt it was his fault. 

Rin couldn't convince the human otherwise but thankfully the one person who probably could appeared by Samael's power.

(Samael was still a bastard.)

Rin had almost forgotten the taste of his father's food. He'd recognised both the scent of the monastery and the scent of Shirou the moment they went through the door. The human immediately took control of their body and that was okay. Rin didn’t need control here. The human was better at talking and they needed to talk.

A few quiet words were passed and everything was different. Shirou had loved them. Shirou who had always known what they were and who had been tricked into caring for them had loved them and said they were worth it. He said it casually like it was an easy thing to confirm and every part of Rin hurt terribly at the simple words. They broke a painful thing in his chest and gave him something to push for. More than a vague hope that Ryuuji was right and Rin wasn't evil.

It was a belief that he could be good and he could be happy because if the old man had been through all of that and thought he was worth it -

Rin had no business saying otherwise.

He wasn't alone and he had to stop acting like he was. He had Yukio, Ryuuji, Shura, Shiemi, Konekomaru, Izumo, Renzou, Godaiin, Kuro… even Ukobach and Paku. There were people who cared and who fought for him. 

How many hours had his friends spent trying to help him with school? How many times had Kuro cuddled him when the day had been too hard?

How often had Ryuuji spoken gentle words over him in an attempt to heal his fragile parts? 

How often had Yukio sacrificed his own happiness to try and help Rin?

Shirou had said they were worth it. Shirou had fought to live free and Rin couldn't do anything less and call himself Shirou's son.

 _They_ were going to find their brother and bring him back. Then they’d find Ryuuji. Once they were both safe they could find the others.

The ship was enormous and Rin could recognize the stench of so many demons. Lucifer was the most potent and unavoidable but Rin could smell the scents of Hachiro or Karura. They were muddied now, but still there. Yamantaka too. Shima was around. Rin would find them later. At the moment his attention was on his twin, and Yukio was covered in the stench of a demon Rin would never forget or forgive.

He didn’t need to know _why_ Yukio was covered in Satan’s scent. He didn’t need to know what Satan had done to his twin. All that mattered was that Satan had done _something_ to Yukio and Rin would not let Satan have him. 

Rin would never let Satan have any one he cared about again.


	14. Chapter 14

Rin felt it the moment Satan lost his grip on Yukio. He was focusing his flames on the place Satan was parasitizing - he could see the link to Gehenna and it was the strangest sort of double vision that he didn’t understand but he could use anyway. The spot Satan was parasitizing was right behind Yukio’s left eye. It was a dark, pulsing, vein looking thing and he was going to destroy it.

“It won’t work!” Yukio snapped, blood smeared on his face and voice hoarse. Rin had him pinned to the floor with a sword made entirely of flame burning at his eye. He could see Kuro and Konekomaru moving in his peripherals but they weren’t near enough to be in danger. 

“Just let me die!”

“Never!” Rin snarled and shoved the fire forward. He wasn’t going to ‘let’ Yukio die. He wasn’t going to let Yukio go. He was not losing anything to Satan. Not anymore. No one, _no one,_ was being sacrificed to Satan again. 

It didn’t matter what it cost him, he would never sacrifice Yukio. Rin had failed Yukio before this. He’d seen the signs but he hadn’t understood them. He’d been too stuck in his own head to help and he’d failed Yukio.

He hadn’t noticed Satan. His twin hadn’t thought he couldn’t go to Rin and Rin would burn the entirety of the Illuminati, True Cross, and the Grigori down to the fucking ground before he let Yukio think he wasn’t worth everything ever again.

He shoved forward with his flames, screaming with rage and hate for his father and he drove him out. He severed the pulsing connection to Gehenna, burning it and destroying every part of the link. He could feel his father fighting him on it but it didn’t matter. Yukio’s body went limp under him with a hoarse cry and blood spilled from his lips.

Rin didn’t have a chance to notice though because he suddenly wasn’t the only demon in his head.

(For fucks sake, no one should have to deal with two demons in their head.)

Satan’s voice echoed around his head, laughter lacing every word. “You’ve gotten stronger since that night.”

The demon in himself immediately snarled.

“I could make use of this form now.” Satan continued and Rin could feel his own hands flexing under the control of Satan. He wasn’t moving his body. He wasn’t the one pushing himself upright and summoning blue flames.

He couldn’t draw in a breath, couldn’t move, couldn’t think past the sudden intense panic. Everyone he loved was in danger. He couldn’t let Satan have his body. He had to be strong.

_That’s MY son and I’m taking him BACK!_

_I trust ya, Rin!_

_I want to be strong like you!_

He’d spent the last month of his life watching Shirou and Yuri sacrifice themselves for him and Yukio. He’d watched Shirou learn how to be a father and care for him despite representing everything Shirou had grown up despising. 

He’d watched Yukio flinch away from shadows because he could see demons. He’d watched his twin trail after him, smiling timidly because he loved Rin despite the demons and the terrible things _Rin_ had caused him to see. 

He’d fallen asleep in Ryuuji’s arms after threatening him in a demonic form, safe and loved despite his unstable nature. Ryuuji had seen him at his worse and wanted to marry him anyway. Ryuuji loved him and trusted him and wanted him regardless of the demon.

He’d watched Shura learn to trust and open herself up to family again. He’d watched her choose to live, slinging an arm around his neck and hugging him close as she laughed and called him ‘kid’ like he was her baby brother. 

He’d watched his friend’s see him lose himself to the demon inside himself numerous times and sticking around anyway. All of them trusting him despite his failures.

Rin couldn’t lose himself here. He couldn’t let go of this body. Satan couldn’t get control. He had to fight for them. They were depending on him. 

He’d made promises. Dozens and dozens of them. Promises to his family and friends and he would not fail them. He was going to graduate, he was going to join the Myōō Dharani, reach the equivalent rank to Paladin, marry Ryuuji, and break free of the Grigori’s control. 

The black fog Rin had felt too many times recently filled his head and vision. Rin's body felt distant and cold as he lost control of himself. It was almost like when a limb fell asleep. Satan was trying to take his body.

_Naumaku san mandra bazaradan kan!_

He could hear Ryuuji shouting the words in his mind. Rin remembered being shoved against a wall by his boyfriend as Ryuuji’s gorgeous eyes bore into him. He’d listened to the chant a thousand times. He’d repeated it and listened to Ryuuji say it in a thousand ways. 

Ryuuji was trusting him to not get possessed. He’d taught him the chant and trusted he’d remain in control.

Yukio had spent half a year fighting Satan’s control. Shirou had fought it most of his life. He’d booted Satan out at the last moment while Rin had watched.

There was no way in hell Rin would let Satan have his body. There were too many people who were counting on him and too many promises he’d made. He was going to show Yukio how much he mattered. He was going to marry Ryuuji. He was going to graduate with his friends and save everyone here. He was going to attend Shura’s wedding, watch Juuzo and Mamushi’s child grow, see Ryuuji separate from True Cross, and he was going to make certain he didn’t waste the sacrifice his mom and dad had made for him. 

He had to stay strong. All of them were trusting him.

Rin shoved forward with his flames and attacked the pulsing link that was Satan. His fire raged hotter than it ever had as he filled his head with the memories of everyone he loved. The taste of his dad’s rice balls, the sound of Shura’s laughter, the proud smile Yukio gave him, the way Shiemi hugged him, Ryuuji declaring his trust - thousands of moments and sensations as he drove forward and burned it all away.

He collapsed to the floor, panting and dizzy. There was blood in his mouth and every inch of his body was kinda throbbing dully. His vision was tinted with red which made him think the demon was in charge but he still had control of all his limbs. 

_(Finally strong.)_

A faint cough distracted him before he could respond to the demon. His head jerked to the right. Yukio’s eyes were fluttering and his hand moved weakly towards Rin. 

“Yukio!” Rin stumbled towards his twin and caught his hand. It was cold and coated in grime but it squeezed around his fingers.

He held Yukio’s gaze for a long second and just... just couldn't think of any words. Rin swallowed, his eyes burning, and Yukio’s eyes rolled back in his head. 

Cold, terrible panic immediately gripped Rin. He squeezed the limp hand in his but there was no reaction. “Yukio?!” 

Nothing.

Pulse? How did you check a pulse? It was the neck or wrist but how?! He couldn’t tell if Yukio’s chest was moving anymore and there was something like an explosion happening near and he wasn’t supposed to move bodies but what if Yukio was hurt and needed a doctor and they weren’t safe here and he looked like when Shirou had-

“Rin?”

He jerked at the unexpected and timid voice. His flames flared out to create a barrier between the new comer and Yukio only to recognize Konekomaru. The short aria was covered in dirt, his clothes were ripped, he was bleeding from a cut on his head, and he had Kuro in his arms.

“Konekomaru?” Rin stuttered wetly. “Help!”

Konekomaru didn’t ask any questions. He dropped to his knees next to Yukio and shoved two of his fingers against Yukio’s neck. He furrowed his brow in concentration and studied Yukio’s face.

Rin couldn’t breathe. It probably didn’t take longer than five seconds but it felt like an eternity. He couldn’t lose Yukio. He couldn’t take it. Yukio had to live so Rin could tell him how important he was and that he didn’t need to fight alone. 

“He has a steady pulse. I think he’s just unconscious. He seems to be breathing steadily too.” Konekomaru reached into his pocket and pulled out a few bruised berries. He mashed them between his fingers and smeared them across the top of Yukio’s head. “It’s a seal,” he explained, “it won’t stop anything powerful, but it’s a basic protection for while he’s unconscious.” Konekomaru’s eyes darted to the rubble behind them. “There are a _lot_ of demons and Illuminati officers coming. You uh… Weren’t quiet.”

_(Destroy them!)_

He winced at the volume of the shout but the scent of demons was filling his lungs now and he couldn’t ignore it. 

“Stay here and watch him, please.” Konekomaru nodded and picked up one of Yukio’s discarded guns. Rin jumped to his feet and took a step back. “Kuro? Guard the perimeter. Don’t let anyone near them.”

“Okay!” Kuro bounded over the pile of rubble and grew to his full size with a snarl. 

“I’ll clear us a path outta here. Do you-”

Rin’s voice promptly cut off as his nostrils flared. There was a familiar scent in the air now. One that had most of the demon’s attention. It was Ryuuji, but more importantly, it was Ryuuji’s _blood._

Why was Ryuuji bleeding? Was he here?

Was there danger?

Rin sprang over the pile of rubble that had once been part of the ceiling and followed his nose towards his mate. The demon was snarling in his mind, guiding him to Ryuuji. 

There were hoards of demons and zombies roaming the ruined flight deck. He could see a few members of True Cross ducking and trying to fight off the attacks but they were extremely outnumbered. Ryuuji was in the middle of a hoard of zombies with a ghoul racing after him. An exorcist _(Light!)_ was holding Ryuuji around his waist and all Rin’s demonicly enhanced eyes could see was the red spilling over Ryuuij’s clothes and arm. There was a terrible gash in his side that looked like something had sliced him. His boyfriend wasn’t able to stand on his own. 

Rin couldn’t hold in the bellow of rage. He tore through something large and stinky without slowing down. His flames shot out of him, burning the ghouls lumbering after Ryuuji and creating a barrier around his lover. He didn’t bother making any sort of weapon this time. He used his claws and ripped it apart. He shredded it until there was nothing left and it wasn’t enough. It needed to know not to touch Ryuuji. It needed to suffer and-

Ryuuji’s hand wrapped around his shoulder and tugged him back. The aria turned him towards the mass of zombies and pushed him forward.

“Rage later,” Ryuuji ordered weakly, “fight now.” He felt Ryuuji’s hand slip off his shoulder like he couldn’t hold on and the panic became a real thing in his gut. He let the demon have control of his limbs long enough to dispatch the oncoming zombies and turned back to Ryuuji.

His smell was off. There was something bitter and angry in Ryuuji’s warm scent that made the demon snarl. 

The gash on Ryuuji’s side was bigger than it had looked. His blood was dark and spilling out of his wound. The ghoul had done that. He had touched Ryuuji despite smelling Rin on him. He had torn into Rin’s mate and now Ryuuji could hardly stand. 

He saw movement out of his peripherals and struck out at it without thinking. Nothing was getting close to his Ryuuji. Not again. Not while he could destroy it. He was going to keep Ryuuji safe. He was the only one that got to mark Ryuuji. He was the only one that got to touch him. 

(Ryuuji was bleeding and it was really bad. Oh god, what if he couldn’t find a doctor?! What if the bleeding didn’t stop?!)

Ryuuji caught his hand as he reached out for the approaching figures without seeing. His lover pulled the clawed hand to his own chest and wheezed. 

“Calm down,” Ryuuji murmured as his hand wrapped around Rin’s waist. His boyfriend swayed and the scent of blood grew stronger.

_(That’s not the only wound! Get him to someplace safe!)_

Rin grabbed Ryuuji around the waist and jerked him back from the battle. There were more enemies coming and he needed to get Ryuuji someplace safe where he wouldn’t get hurt anymore. He couldn’t let Ryuuji be hurt. He couldn’t lose him. 

Ryuuji cried out with pain and Rin recoiled in horror to see his own hands coated in Ryuuji’s blood. 

He couldn’t breathe. The flames were everywhere and the demon wanted control but he couldn’t let it. He couldn’t trust him with Ryuuji. 

_(HEAL HIM!)_

“Rin.” Ryuuji’s hand moved to his cheek. The scent of gore burned his nostrils. “Come back to me, babe.” Ryuuji murmured, leaning forward until their foreheads were touching. “There’ll be time for anger later.” 

The scent was _wrong._ It didn’t smell like his Ryuuji. “Ryuuji?” He brushed his nose against his lover’s neck and the wrongness got worse. There were fresh wounds. 

The demon took over in rage.

Their mate was dying and the stink of venom was burning his nose. He could practically taste it in the air. Something had torn into his mate and _poisoned_ him. They’d tried to kill Ryuuji. They ignored Rin’s claim and tried to take what was his.

Ryuuji was bleeding and he would die if Rin didn’t act. The human didn’t understand.

He shoved his hand against the bleeding wound (Ryuuji’s blood was so red and the spicy scent was coated in the filth of demons) and sent his flames over Ryuuji’s body. Ryuuji cried out in pain and the human part tried to take back over but Rin held him off. They had to do this to save their mate. The wound would heal. 

Ryuuji fell backwards like he’d lost all strength in his legs. Rin’s hand shot up to cup his boyfriend’s head and he firmed his grip on Ryuuji’s side to hold him steady. 

Ryuuji collapsed against him and sucked in a ragged breath. His next breath sounded less labored and his arm moved to wrap around Rin’s neck.

(He’d never been held willingly by Ryuuji like this. Only the human half had been embraced willingly.)

“I burned out the venom.” Rin managed. His throat felt weirdly tight and he couldn’t stop inhaling Ryuuji’s scent. It was the warm, spicy scent again without the horrible bitter stench. He pulled Bon closer and his flames flared out in warning against anything drawing nearer. “You’re hurt.” 

Ryuuji kissed his cheek and Rin’s heart did a weird thing that felt like it was twisting. Ryuuji’s hand cupped his cheek (his jaw was bigger like this but Ryuuji didn’t seem to mind) and their mate looked in his eyes. 

“Thanks.” He murmured softly. His thumb rubbed Rin’s cheek and he couldn’t quite seem to breathe right. He didn’t understand what was going on but he wanted more of the feeling.

“Rin?”

He vaguely recognized the voice but he didn’t care how familiar it was-no one was getting near Ryuuji when he still smelled like blood and he could hardly stand on his own. He grabbed his lover and hefted him up with one arm. Ryuuji weighed nothing next to his strength. Rin had promised to keep Ryuuji safe and he wasn’t about to let something like carrying him stop him from keeping that promise. 

He jumped over the rubble and darted to where he had left Yukio and Konekomaru. There was a column next to Yukio’s hiding spot and he used it to prop Ryuuji up so he could get a proper look at him. 

Konekomaru peered around the rubble but he didn’t matter right now. He wasn’t hurt anymore than he had been. 

He growled just the same. No one was getting close to Ryuuji no matter how trustworthy they were. 

Ryuuji grabbed his cheek again and Rin’s breath hitched, “Hey,” he murmured, “you’re good.” He pulled Rin closer so they’re foreheads were pressed together. 

Rin wanted to stay in that moment. He liked having Ryuuji lean against him with trust and he wanted to believe they were okay so he could continue with the claim and get Ryuuji properly safe.

But all he could smell was Ryuuji’s blood. It was everywhere. Ryuuji had promised he’d be careful and he’d be back and he was barely alive. 

“You reek of blood.” He shoved Ryuuji’s sleeve back and glared at what he saw. There were countless mottled scars. Something had ripped at Ryuuji’s skin with its teeth and burned him with their venom. Someone had healed it marginally but the wounds were still vicious looking.

Someone had done this to his mate. He could smell a remnant of the demon and inhaled deeply. He’d never forget this scent. He would hunt this monster to the ends of the earth and tear its throat out with his own teeth for the pain it had caused his mate. If it had gotten this close to Ryuuji the demon would have smelled Rin on him and sensed his seal. This demon had knowingly attacked Rin’s property (his mate) and he would die for it. He would _suffer_ for it. 

Wait.

_Wait._

Rin already knew this scent. This was the hydra. This was the monster that had hurt Shura. This was the creature that had tried to kill her and had-

Ryuuji’s hand moved to his cheek again. “Hey,” he whispered as he leaned closer, “it’s okay. Pretty sure you got rid of the rest of the venom.” A thumb brushed against the skin under his eye. “Come back to me, Rin. We got a lot to do.”

Why was Ryuuji trying to push him away? He WAS Rin. He had always been Rin! Just because the human had more time in charge didn’t-

His nose was assaulted by a collection of new scents. His ears twitched as a chorus of footsteps drew near. He jerked his face free of Ryuuji’s grip and snarled at the intruders.

“Rin.” Ryuuji caught his face again and tilted his head in submission.

There was evidence of a burn on Ryuuji’s neck. 

( _Shura’s in that group. Izumo and Renzou too.)_

“Day by day,” Ryuuji murmured and Rin’s heart thumped hard. There were friends in that group and Ryuuji was whispering words just for him. His fingers dragged through Rin’s hair, unafraid, and it was too much for the rage. 

He didn’t understand the soft emotions it made happen in his chest. It was overwhelming and frightening and he wanted to growl but he didn’t want to upset Ryuuji.

He drew back and let the human have control because it was too much.

Rin immediately wrapped his arms around Ryuuji. He wasn’t going to let him go again. Not if he didn’t have to. Every time he did Ryuuji came back with more injuries. He didn’t want it any more. Ryuuji returned the embrace, curling around Rin and holding him close like he didn’t want to let go either.

“What happened to you?” Rin couldn’t stop noticing new injuries. There were burns and bites and slices and Ryuuji wasn’t even in the same clothes. “You really smell like blood.”

Izumo, who Rin had just kinda noticed was nearby, answered. “He was on fire.” 

Shura interrupted before she could explain what that meant. “We don’t have time to talk about it.” Her eyes darted down to the ground. “What happened to him?”

Rin managed to contain his growl because it was Shura who was asking and she wouldn’t hurt Yukio. She was a doctor. She could help. 

“I kicked Satan out.” He blurted as Shura moved to investigate Yukio. His twin would be okay. Rin wanted to know more about what Izumo had been saying. “What do you mean he was on fire? Ryu?”

“I’m fine.” Ryuuji dismissed like he wasn’t coated in his own blood. Then his boyfriend tried to break away. The demon was moving their body and catching their mate before Ryuuji could move.

And that horrible moment was when Rin realized that _all_ of the blood was Ryuuji’s. It wasn’t from anything he’d been fighting, it was solely his. 

“I got in a fight earlier. I’m fine.” Ryuuji squeezed his arm in a way he probably thought would satisfy Rin. It might have if Ryuuji _wasn’t cover in his own blood._ “I really am fine.” He promised.

There were so many people around Rin didn’t know and so many people who could hurt Ryuuji. Everyone was at least mildly injured and he couldn’t keep tabs on all of them with so many demons and strangers around. 

He could feel his features shifting into the demon form. He still had control but the demon did too and he didn’t have time to wonder about that. 

Ryuuji tugged him back from the others. “Rin? They’re here to help.”

Shura blew out a noisy and annoyed breath. “Rin, “ He missed the next thing she said because Ryuuji was moving. His boyfriend went towards Konekomaru and murmured something about Karura. 

“Hey,” Izumo tugged on his arm and drew his attention away from Ryuuji. Light and Shura were discussing a plan for bringing down the gate (?) and finding Lucifer, “Ryuuji’s not telling you everything.”

No shit. “Huh?”

Her maroon eyes darted to where Ryuuji was investigating Yukio and checking on his pulse because Ryuuji was a mother hen and would always try and help even when the person had pulled a gun on him. 

(Rin loved him so much it actually hurt.)

“He… It wasn’t just fire. He tried to take on Todo by himself because they were all three there. The hydra, the ouroboros, and Todo. They all closed in on him at the same time while I was fighting the guards. He was on fire and he threw himself at them like he didn’t care if it killed him. He-” she swallowed and fisted her hands in anger. “He stopped breathing. Karura said he -the phoenix had to bring him back.”

Rin’s mind stopped working for a long, frightening, moment. Neither one of them were in charge of his body as the white hot anger mingled with cold dread and shot through his entire body. It closed his throat, froze his lungs, and twisted his heart so he couldn’t move in horror.

Ryuuji had died. Ryuuji had stopped breathing and Rin hadn’t been there to save him. Ryuuji had tried to take on everything himself and sacrifice himself just like he had in Kyoto but Rin hadn’t been there to shake him out of it. He could have lost Ryuuji and not even known it. 

His body turned towards the aria in question without him telling it to do so. The demon was screaming in rage and fear and Ryuuji was just looking up at him like nothing had happened.

“What?” He asked in a vaguely confused way. 

Rin jerked him upright and close because Ryuuji had died and Rin needed to make certain he wasn’t actually dead. “You said you were going to be _fine._ ” Rin growled in a voice he didn’t recognize. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t find Ryuuji’s pulse. “You could have fucking _died._ You tried to take Todo on by yourself?!”

“No!” Ryuuji _lied_ and glanced at Izumo like she had betrayed him. “Besides, all of that is something we can talk about later. We’ve got shit to do right now.” He looked past Rin towards Light. “We’re still on the gate?”

Rin couldn’t hold back the rage. He didn’t want to. This was serious and he was not going to be ignored. He didn’t care if Ryuuji was trying to placate him with a hand around his waist. A hand that was covered in bruises and blood. The only arm he could move properly because his other arm was covered in a fuckton of wounds because Ryuuji had tried to take on three immortal demons at once. 

The flames exploded out of his skin as the demon surged forward. It blocked the others from Ryuuji and his view and pulled their lover closer. 

"You were basically dead!" Rin snapped. “You stopped breathing!”

Ryuuji’s head drew back in surprise like he hadn’t known. (Had he not known?) His eyes darted to the people around them as though he was searching for confirmation. "Later." He finally muttered like that was going to fly. "I'm fine." He added. He tried to pull away and it was too much. Rin couldn’t breathe around the sudden panic and he couldn’t see anything but the blood on Ryuuji’s face and clothes. 

Rin caught his arm and jerked him into a tight hug. He could feel Ryuuji’s chest expanding with air, he could hear his heart thumping steadily, and both sensations made tears spring into Rin’s eyes. 

(Ryuuji could have died and Yukio still wouldn’t wake up.)

They were still in this terrible place and no one was safe. There were too many people for him to keep track of and they were all so reckles-

Yukio inhaled sharply behind him. 

Rin sprang to his side as quickly as he could move, dragging Ryuuji with him. 

“Rin?!” Yukio’s head jerked towards him and Rin couldn’t see through the tears flooding his eyes. 

“Yukio?” 

Yukio used Rin to tug himself upright. “It’s not over.” He muttered and rubbed at his eyes. “He said we could still be a vessel.” 

Rin ignored his words and steadied him. There’d be time to focus on all that shit once Yukio could sit up by himself. “He’ll try and possess you.” Yukio added. 

“Whatever. I fought him off before. He said you were marked? What did he mean by that?”

Yukio looked thoroughly irritated and exhausted. “Precisely what he said. Why don’t you ever _listen?”_

_(Idiot! He would have been devoured if it wasn’t for us.)_

“I’m trying to listen but you’re not making sense.” He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Yukio’s chest. It was rising and falling steadily with breaths now. 

“I already explained it all to you-”

Shura huffed and sat back on her haunches. “Well how about you explain it to the rest of the class.” She ordered and Rin was suddenly so grateful she was here. If she was closer he’d throw his arms around her neck and hug her like she was always doing to him. “I’d like to know what the fuck is going on. Why didn’t you tell us Satan was bumming a ride in your eye?”

“Father Fujimoto gave me instructions in case it ever happened.”

He had? Rin knew their dad had been aware Satan wanted his body but he hadn’t realized that their old man had expected Satan to try and take Yukio. 

Shura scowled. “Like what? Shooting Mephisto? The hell kind of instruction was that?”

Yukio leveled a glare at her that made Rin think of their dad. He’d seen that same expression on Shirou’s face countless times. “You know _I_ didn’t shoot him. And control. He advised me to maintain my health along with mental and emotional control.”

Ryuuji went rigid beside him. “Rin?” His boyfriend tapped on his tail to get his attention as if he was worried Rin wouldn’t give it to him. “What do you mean he tried earlier?”

There was still blood on Ryuuji’s cheek and he was missing some of the hair on the side of his head where it had probably burned off. He caught Ryuuji’s hand in his own and squeezed. His fingers weren’t as warm as they usually were. He still smelled wrong. Distressed and tired and… _wrong._

“You don’t smell right.” Rin mumbled again. Ryuuji shook his head dismissively. 

“Rin, what did you mean?”

Huh? Oh. Satan. “After I broke the connection with Yukio I felt him in my head. He tried to take my body over but couldn’t.”

_(We’re stronger than him. This is our body and they are ours. He can’t have any of it.)_

Ryuuji went dangerously pale. The scent of his fear clogged Rin’s nostrils and he wanted to sneeze it out. “Rin-” He choked. Rin caught his arms as he swayed. What happened?! 

“Calm down, dumbass.” Shura shook Ryuuji’s arm. “You can’t let the venom spread. If you keep getting worked up you’ll pass out.” 

What?! “Venom?” Shura glared at him to stop interrupting. He closed his mouth but pulled Ryuuji in to lean against his side. 

“You burned it out too.” Ryuuji supplied quietly. 

Shura leaned closer impatiently. “How’d you get him out of your head?”

Rin blushed and glanced at the other exorcists standing around them. He only recognized a few of them. He didn’t want to explain it all.

“I, uh, made a couple of promises.”

Ryuuji curled closer to him and pressed his cheek against Rin’s neck. He wasn’t sure what had brought on the reaction but he was happy about it. 

“So?” Shura prodded when that was all he offered.

Rin rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t break them.” He wouldn’t break a promise to Ryuuji or the others. He’d promised to live and they were counting on him to stay in control. 

“He’s unstable.” Yukio offered. “He wouldn’t make a decent vessel.” 

“Shut-” Ryuuji started before cutting himself off. He pushed away from Rin’s neck (the demon immediately whined and bristled) and scowled at Yukio. “That’s not it. Demon’s get in through the heart. Rin,” Ryuuji’s brown eyes turned on him as the scent of fear grew thicker in the air. “When you shove him out, what were you feeling? Angry? Defiant? Determined?”

Rin kind of forgot the others were around. Ryuuji’s eyes were holding his and they were scared for him. It was like they were back in the room when Ryuuji had told him he’d died. It was dizzying to be cared for like that. 

“Like I couldn’t let you down. I was fighting for my family.” 

“This is all interesting,” Light stepped forward and ignored the way Rin bristled, “but we’ve got other stuff to tackle as well. Lucifer is still kicking and the gate is getting bigger.”

“Gate?” Rin asked in confusion. Ryuuji slumped against him again. He wrapped him up and spared Light a glance.

“The Gehenna Gate Lucifer created. It’s expanding for something.” Light squatted next to them. “We need you to close it like you did at the monastery.”

Rin’s eyes darted between everyone looking at him expectantly. “If I can’t?” (He didn’t have the sword now. How could he shut it?!)

Light shrugged and stood up. He walked between Ryuuji and Yukio. The demon immediately had them baring his teeth in warning. The arch-knight ignored the warning and kept marching past them. His summons took the longer way around so they didn’t get too close to Rin. They were smarter than their master.

“Where are you going?” Ryuuji called.

“To fight.” The arch knight flashed him an excited smile. “Doesn’t matter to me if we can’t close it. Since I don’t know where Lucifer is, that’s where I’ll find an actual fight.” He made his way over some rubble. “We gotta clear the field some and at least find a way to slow the out pouring.”

Ryuuji pushed himself upright and promptly swayed right back into Rin’s side. Yukio shoved away Shura’s helping hand and got to his feet. 

“Come on,” Ryuuji insisted like he wasn’t swaying dangerously with every other movement, “we gotta at least try and help.” 

How did Ryuuji not see how bad of an idea that was? He could barely stand on his own. Rin was going to hit everyone who had let him walk all the way back here. 

Shura went to join the others and it was just him, Ryuuji, and Yukio. 

Ryuuji was going to leave again and Rin couldn’t let him go. It was too dangerous. Rin couldn’t keep him alive if he went away.

“True Cross is just as corrupt as the Illuminati.” Yukio murmured as he stared down at the charm Shiemi had gifted him when they were children. Rin had always wondered where he got it. 

It took him a little too long to realize Yukio wanted an answer. Luckily Ryuuji was quicker about that sort of thing. 

“Yes.” His lover answered, “That’s why we’ve been busting our tail to get all the licenses and stuff.”

(Rin’s tail was wound around Ryuuji’s arm and he couldn’t make it move. The demon wouldn’t let him. He didn’t want to let Ryuuji go anymore than Rin did.)

Yukio turned his eyes back on Ryuuji. He looked frustrated and tired. “You’re just advancing their goals.” 

“Right now the only goal is to stop the gate, Satan, and Lucifer. After that I plan on making everything we uncovered public to the organization. The upper council knows what we uncovered but the rest of the organization doesn’t unless they were involved. That’ll lead to some leadership changes and probably a lot more investigations.”

“You think they’ll change anything?”

Ryuuji shrugged. “Not at all.” His hand was tight around Rin’s and that contact was all that was holding Rin still. “I’m not sticking with them for long. I’ve got my own temple and my own plans.”

“The Myōō Dharani?” Yukio stuck the charm in his pocket and pulled one of his guns out of his holster. Ryuuji twitched and that gut reaction to Yukio holding a gun made Rin bare his teeth. He hadn’t forgotten about that. He couldn’t. 

“Well I’ll be in charge, so yeah. The reason for the secrets is gone.” He squeezed Rin’s hand. “Either way, we still gotta close that gate. Doesn’t really matter which team we close it for. I’m closing it because I have people I care about and want to keep safe.” He moved towards the fighting and ended up dragging Rin with him. Ryuuji stopped mid movement and turned towards him with a sad smile. “You gotta let me go, Rin.”

Rin had known it was coming but he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move, and he couldn’t let Ryuuji go. It was impossible. Ryuuji would die and Rin couldn’t handle that. He couldn’t. 

He shook his head and didn’t care that his flames were shimmering over his body. “I can’t.” 

_(He’s ours! We protect him! Never let him go! DESTROY IT ALL!)_

Ryuuji pulled him close and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He could feel the touch through his entire body and everything in him ached. Ryuuji was going to leave. This was a goodbye. 

(Not again. He couldn’t lose someone again. Not Ryuuji. Please, _please,_ not Ryuuji.)

“Hold onto that feeling.” Ryuuji whispered against his lips, “We’re all here with you. You’re not alone.” Ryuuji squeezed his hand and held Rin’s eyes with his own. The brown orbs looked darker in the waning light. Mournful almost. “Demons get in through your heart. They use fear and anger and hate.” He kissed him again, soft and lingering. “If you find yourself slipping just remember you’re not alone.” 

_(Never alone. Mate… Brother… Friends…)_

“Remember, we’re connected. I love you.” Ryuuji kissed his nose, hand still wound around Rin’s hand and cupping his cheek. He didn’t care about the flames Rin was covered in. “Don’t ever forget that.” Ryuuji stepped back and the panic filled Rin again. 

“Now,” Ryuuji reached around and caught the end of Rin’s tail gently, “I’m going to go over there and try and clear you a path.” He held the tail steady as he unwound his arm. “You finish up here and join us.”

He stepped away and Rin let him go. Rin had to let him go. He wouldn’t be safe until this was over. None of them would be. 

“Yukio?” Ryuuji added, staring at Rin for a beat longer before directing his gaze to Yukio. His twin was standing rigidly and avoiding eye contact. “Don’t forget we’re here for you too. We busted you out of prison.” Yukio’s eyes widened in shock and Rin had to grit his jaw to keep from speaking. He didn’t want Ryuuji to go and he couldn’t find any way to explain to Yukio how important he was. “You’re welcome to do whatever you want after this. Our help didn’t have strings attached.” 

And then he was alone with Yukio and he had to find the words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looonnnggg chapter as I avoid writing the scene that was actually requested, lol. I'll try and write Rin finding Ryuuji's body post shutting down the portal in the next chapter.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING!**  
> 
> 
> It's that chapter, everyone. General warning for violence (Rin gets a little demonic) and temporary character death. (Ryuuji is having a terrible day.)

Everyone Rin loved was just a bit too self-sacrificing. Shirou had given up his life, Ryuuji had worked himself almost to death while throwing himself at every demon, and Yukio had tried to kill himself to get rid of Satan and prevent him from taking over.

Yukio was willing to stay alive for now and now was all Rin really needed. If he could get them all off this _damned_ ship he could finally have proper talks with each of them. He’d make them a nutritious meal, force them to sleep for at _least_ eight hours, and hit anyone that dared to approach and make them think or work. They would rest, they would heal, and they would damn well know Rin loved them and that they were worth everything.

First he had to beat the utter shit out of his oldest brother. Lucifer had caused enough heartbreak for Rin’s family and friends. He’d have kicked his ass for the shit he pulled with Izumo and Renzou. For all the other junk he’d done, Rin would make sure he spent a _long_ time in Gehenna. Let him try and come back. Rin would rip as many stupid bodies apart as he had to. 

He’d tear him apart with his teeth and claws, even if it meant he had to work with Mephisto to do it.

Lucifer’s eyes were glowing with power his body couldn’t contain. It made the air crackle with energy and RIn’s stomach wouldn’t stop turning at the sight. He wanted to squeeze Ryuuji and Yukio closer and keep them safe. Everyone he loved was on this stupid ship and he couldn’t possibly keep them all safe. 

“Do you imagine,” Lucifer murmured with his annoyingly melodic voice, “you can stop me again?” 

Mephisto smiled and that seemed to be some sort of super secret signal because everyone started to move. Soldiers surrounded Lucifer to guard him as the rest of the Illuminati moved towards Shiemi. 

Rin rushed towards Shiemi because even though he needed to take Lucifer out he’d go for defending a friend over offense any day. 

Karura burst to life over Ryuuji’s head as they dashed across the ruined ground. Rin sent a wave of fire after two ghouls who were chasing Yukio and created two flame daggers to slice out with. 

There was no real way to keep track of everyone in a fight. He could see Yukio and Ryuuji and that was it. Ryuuji was maintaining a shield in front of them while he shouted death verses to disintegrate the smaller demons around them. Yukio was taking out the soldiers that were approaching Shiemi with extreme prejudice. Rin never saw him reload but his twin fired shot after shot. 

Rin was meant to clear a path to Shiemi. He was meant to join her and take out Lucifer. 

Rin caught a familiar scent and was no longer in charge of his body. The demon took over with a snarl and turned him towards the hydra.

(Rin didn’t even try to fight it. He _wanted_ to tear the hydra apart.)

The hydra was writhing with dozens and dozens of snakes crawling out of its robes, their eyes all watching Ryuuji with a kind of hungry want. Without knowing what they’d done to his mate, that gaze would have been enough to warrant his death.

But Rin had seen the arm and tasted the venom is his lover’s blood. He knew what Hachiro had done and there was nothing on this ship that could stop him from exacting his vengeance.

Rin leapt across the distance between them with one bound and released the full glory of his flames. He tore through the closest layer of snakes, digging his claws into their scaled, writhing, flesh and ripping them apart. Their blood soaked the ground, their screams filled the air, and it was not _nearly_ enough. 

Ryuuji had _died._ Ryuuji had stopped breathing because of this monstrosity. Ryuuji would never be healed from the scars.

Shura had nearly died. Shura had lived her life in despair because this demon had wanted her for her appearance and ability to have a child. 

It needed to suffer.

The need to hurt was too strong to fight against. Ryuuji was near and his scent was mixed with fear and pain. It was bitter and just drove the rage. 

_Enemy._ His mind snarled as he took in the writhing limbs of Hachiro. _Destroy._

Ryuuji was behind him and bleeding. He had to get Hachiro away from him so Ryuuji and Shura could be safe. With a howl that felt like it was torn from his very soul, Rin launched himself at the hydra again. Dozens and dozens of teeth tore at skin only to be disintegrated by his flames. He didn’t register the pain of the attacks. He didn’t register the screams around him or the words Ryuuji was trying to shout. He burned away the snakes, boiling their eyes and tongues and only then granting them the relief of death. He ripped the snakes off Hachiro’s arms, blood spraying into the air, and partially cauterized the wounds so that the snakes could still regrow and be ripped away again but it would be painful now. He drank in the screams of anguish and feasted on the blood that poured from each wound. 

Rin caught Hachiro by his golden hair and jerked him back, ripping the hair from his scalp while his other clawed hand wrapped around the demon-eater’s throat. He tore it out, blood and viscera coating his hand, and shoved the hydra onto the ground. It wasn’t enough to kill him. Deliberately. The demon didn’t want him dead yet. Dead meant the pain ended.

The limbs regrew. The throat healed.

Rin caught his arm and snapped it in half, the crack of the bone satisfyingly loud in the air. He sliced through the writhing snakes like they were nothing, lighting the corpses on fire and burning the flesh on Hachiro’s arms and chest. He shattered the demon-eater’s knee with a single kick and drove him back to the ground.

He dug forward, clawing through flesh and muscle, blood spraying and pouring between his fingers in a beautiful, violent torrent. It coated his arms and legs, covering the floor and Hachiro’s ruined chest. 

The screams were a constant thing now, each weaker than the prior. All guttural, wet, broken and _pained_ . Next to Ryuuj’s pleasure, it was the sweetest of sounds. Let everyone hear it and _know._ No one hurt what was his.

He found Hachiro’s heart and burned it between his fingers. The screaming stopped.

It wasn’t enough. The rage was still there. The thrill of being alive and dominating was filling his stomach but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to do it again. He wanted to take this life over and over and over until Hachiro had paid for each scar his Ryuuji and Shura had.

The scent of Ryuuji’s blood filled his nose again and it was enough to cut through the blood lust for a moment.

He burned what was left without looking and turned to find Ryuuji. 

Ryuuji was standing a few feet away, hands slicing through the air as he fought some soon-to-be-dead-demon. There was more blood smeared across his face and dripping down nose. His eyes were narrowed in concentration, lips mouthing some spell.

Rin stalked towards him. Ryuuji’s head turned towards him, brown eyes locking on his face and widening in alarm. 

Concern. Ryuuji was _concerned_ for him. His mate wanted him safe. His injured, nearly dead mate wanted _him_ safe. How did Ryuuji expect him to keep breathing when he looked at him like that?

It was too much. Rin caught hold of Ryuuji’s arms and glared down at the spot that had been hurt.

“What?” Ryuuji murmured, Rin ripped the sleeve up to reveal the scars littering the once perfect skin. 

“He did this.” Rin snapped. He could taste Hachiro’s blood still in his mouth and he wanted more of it. He hadn’t hurt that demon enough. 

“I already told you,” Ryuuji sighed, “rage later. We gotta fight.” Cool fingers wrapped around his wrist and tugged gently. The confident, fearless, touch sent a burst of heat through his veins. Ryuuji had seen what he did and knew how strong he was. Ryuuji saw he was a perfect mate and was _confident_ in dealing with him. Lust was boiling in his chest and he had to have Ryuuji as his own. His mate. Rin could feel his teeth growing even longer with the urge to bite into Ryuuji’s shoulder and claim him fully. They’d never be separated again. 

Ryuuji wasn’t looking at him. What the fuck had Ryuuji’s attention that wasn’t Rin? What insignificant thing had lured his Ryuuji’s eyes away?

Lucifer.

The growl was rumbling in his throat before he fully registered who Ryuuji was staring at.

Rin had to destroy Lucifer’s body and he couldn’t leave Ryuuji behind. He wrapped his arm around Ryuuji’s waist in the only spot that wasn’t injured (he was going to get Ryuuji in a bed and not let him move for a solid month) and hefted him up. Ryuuji released one small sound of protest and then Rin had them across the room and back in the frey. There were enough allies around that Ryuuji _should_ be safe. He set him down between Shura and Yukio and turned towards the main enemy. 

“About time you showed up, little brother.” 

Fucking Samael. He would show up now. Not when there were a thousand enemies. Useless shit.

The only reason that Rin didn’t hit him was the blonde standing beside him. Shiemi looked older than she ever had with her golden locks pulled neatly back in a bun. There was make up on her pretty face and her uniform had been switched out for the intricate garb of a shrine maiden. If it wasn’t for her floral and earthy scent, he might not have recognized her.

“Shiemi?”

She smiled softly. “Hi, Rin.” Her eyes trailed over his face and he was suddenly aware of how demonic his features were. Flames were pouring off his face and there was blood coating his hands and clothes. He looked like a monster. 

(He was.)

“Your flames are warm again.” The smile grew even as tears filled her eyes. “I’m so happy you're okay."

He shrugged. "I-”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to save the pleasantries for later.” Mephisto interrupted. Shiemi nodded while her hand wrapped around Rin’s. She didn’t seem to notice or mind the blood. She squeezed him in momentary solidarity and then there were trees everywhere. 

_They don’t burn._ The demon muttered. Rin nodded and summoned his flame sword as Lucifer turned his golden eyes on them.

Mephisto brought his hands together and time stopped moving around the four of them. Shiemi strode forward, a wild garden erupting out of the ground around her feet as the wind picked up. She began to glow as she came into her power, Shemihaza incarnate sending the full weight of creation against Lucifer the King of Light.

Rin sprang at him with a roar. He cut through the struggling body of Lucifer and absorbed the blast he tried to send at Shiemi. She forced the king back as Rin countered his every strike and cut his legs out from under him. Lucifer was forced to the ground, golden light pouring out of every injury and burning at the air. It incinerated Rin’s arm but his healing allowed him to keep pressing forward.

Shiemi screamed and grabbed Lucifer’s face in her hands. Rin drove his flames through Lucifer’s heart

Lucifer’s eyes gazed upward serenely. A smile lifted his bloodied lips as he weakly inhaled. His body started crumbling into ash around Shiemi’s hands and Rin’s sword. 

It was too easy. He hadn’t even fought back.

_Up._

Rin tore his eyes off the disintegrating body and glared at the sky overhead. A black, bubbling mass was spreading in the open air, hundreds of meters above them. It blotted out the sky as it grew, dripping a black ichor to the earth as it’s metallic frame materialized. 

A Gehenna Gate. Another gate. He could _feel_ Satan coming through.

“You’ve failed, Samael. The plan… complete.”

Rin took the ten seconds necessary to burn the remnants of Lucifer’s body and ran for Ryuuji and Yukio. Shiemi was gone again.

Mephisto was talking to them about something before popping away because he was a useless coward. Rin caught his mate’s arm only for Ryuuji to wrench himself free with a pained gasp. 

What had happened? Why was-

“You’ve gotta shut it down, Rin.” Yukio snapped. Rin glared at him as he tried to understand why Ryuuji was pulling away. Was he hurt? Again?

Shura joined the huddle. “Rin, clear the fucking air, now.” She waved her hand like what she wanted was obvious. She continued when he looked at her blankly. “Flames, kid.”

Ryuuji choked at his side and Rin suddenly understood. The air. The gate had spewed something into the air. He was probably immune to it. Yay demon blood.

Well if burning worked he could handle that. 

He pulled Ryuuji into an embrace and flared with bright flames. He sent them as far and high as he could, burning away the poison and clearing the air. He felt Ryuuji’s lungs expand against his chest and it made him tighten his grip. 

“Rest, Ryuuji!” Karura demanded. Rin hadn’t noticed him hovering near Ryuuji’s head.

“Thanks,” Ryuuji gasped, grip weak on Rin’s shoulder. 

“You’re going to pass out at this rate. You’ve lost a considerable amount of blood.” Karura continued with a scowl. Ryuuji sheathed the sword and noticed the glare Rin was sending him. His boyfriend’s eyes widened as Rin scowled. Stupid self-sacrificing boyfriend. He had to sit down and rest or Rin would make him rest. Battlefield or not, Ryuuji needed to slow down. Rin… He couldn’t handle Ryuuji getting any more hurt. 

Ryuuji tangled their fingers together and, for a moment, the anger wasn’t as loud. 

“Hey!” Shura sliced through a few Illuminati demons and pointed up. “Think you can get up there?”

The gate had gotten bigger. It was larger than the ship by now. It was pretty high. If he blasted his fire out he could _probably_ get that high. Worst case scenario he’d fall. He could just heal and try again. 

“Rin?” Ryuuji called quietly, voice strangely sad. “I’ve got an idea.” He pulled the Koma sword free, still holding Rin’s hand, and Karura flared to vibrant life around them. The fiery demon lighted on Ryuuji’s head and spread his wings in an impressive display. 

Ryuuji’s lips quirked up. “Need a lift?”

Oh. 

Hell yeah. That’d make everything so much easier and he could keep his eye on Ryuuji the entire time. The phoenix could get them up there and keep Ryuuji healed. It’d also provide a quick escape if he need to get Ryuuji away. Perfect.

Rin’s arms went around Ryuuji carefully. He wanted to kiss him but his lip was split pretty badly. It would probably hurt so a hug would just have to do. He couldn’t even hug Ryuuji as close as he wanted to because every part of Ryuuji was bruised or bleeding.

Ryuuji’s arms wrapped around him just as gently like he was worried about hurting Rin. Fuck, he would give _anything_ for Ryuuji to have his healing. 

“Is now really the time?” Yukio grumbled and Rin’s lips immediately quirked up. That was the Yukio he knew and loved.

Rin pulled away from Ryuuji’s warm hold. “Don’t be jealous just ‘cause Shiemi can’t give you any love right now.” He turned his attention back to Ryuuji and couldn’t keep the love he felt off his face. Let everyone see. He was _crazy_ about this teen. “A ride would be very nice.” He eyeballed Karura. “How many can you handle?”

“I can bear the three of you.”

Perfect! Yukio and Ryuuji. He could keep them both safe. No more-

Ryuuji shook his head. “Nah,” he said in an almost cheerful tone, “just them. I’m going to stay down here and watch your back.” 

The demon took their limbs back over. “No.” He snarled.

Ryuuji’s fingers ran along the back of his hand. Gentle, caring, tender… Ryuuji was trying to say goodbye. 

“Don’t ‘no’ me.” He murmured quietly, breaking Rin’s heart more with each word. “You know I wouldn’t be any help up there.” 

It didn’t _matter._ Rin didn’t need him to be help. He needed him to be safe. He couldn’t leave him down here to die. He was bleeding and bruised and he could barely stand. He couldn’t leave him behind like that. It was too much. The gate was stretching overhead, filling the air with screams and poison just like it had when Shirou died. The screams from his nightmare, the tang of blood, the smell of death-it was all happening again and if he left it would be Ryuuji that died and he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t lose him.

He cupped Ryuuji’s cheeks because they were one of the only places not bleeding - there was a burn and a mostly healed cut- and tugged him closer. He could feel tears welling in his eyes and there was no way he could stop them from burning down his cheeks. His flames were pressing at his skin and the demon was roaring in his head. He didn’t care. Who the fuck cared if Satan was emerging overhead and could see him sobbing at losing Ryuuji. He wasn’t ashamed of his love and he. Could. Not. Lose. Ryuuji!

Ryuuji was staring right back at him and he saw the same fear in his brown eyes. The same terror of loss but there was a quiet resolve behind it. Nothing Rin did would change the fact that Ryuuji wasn’t coming with him.

_(Then send him away!)_

Oh! The key! The stupid key!

(Ryuuji wouldn’t take it.)

“If,” Rin swallowed thickly as his heart sank to the floor. He already knew the answer, “If, uh, I offered you a way out, would you take it?” 

Ryuuji tipped his head forward so their foreheads were pressed together. He didn’t seem to mind the horns even though they were probably poking him. Rin could hardly breath around the lump of emotion in his throat. 

“Would you?” He asked softly. 

Rin almost choked on a sob but he turned it into a damp smile. He loved Ryuuji, stubbornness and self-sacrificing included. “That’s what I thought.” He confessed and pressed a frantic kiss to Ryuuji’s head. His hands were shaking and he couldn’t quite manage to suck in any air. “Please be careful.”

Ryuuji nodded, hand tight on Rin’s hip. “Same to you.” He swallowed thickly. “Karura?”

“Yes, Ryuuji?”

“The Myōō Dharani will find a way to free you from this when we’re finished here. I’m sorry this was all we could come up with at the moment.”

“You are indeed Tatsuma’s son.” Karura hummed and covered Ryuuji in his flames. He sent a wave of healing energy over his boyfriend and Rin barely managed not to growl. Why the fuck did he wait so long to do that? Ryuuji was barely standing?

Ryuuji turned towards Yukio. “Watch out for them.” He pressed Kurikara forcefully into Yukio’s hand. Yukio took the sword, eyes widening with surprise before scanning Ryuuji with something like guilt.

The aria smiled at him and freed his gun from his hilt. He moved towards Shura and there was no force on this earth that could have stopped Rin from reaching out for him. He wasn’t sure if it was him or the demon that coiled their tail around Ryuuji’s arm but they had him again. 

Ryuuji rounded on them with a scowl. “For fuck’s sake-Rin, tuck that against your chest, _please.”_

Rin _couldn’t._ He couldn’t let Ryuuji go like this. It would be over. It would be goodbye and he just _knew_ it was going to be Shirou all over again. He’d fail and there would such a heavy cost to pay. He’d already lost Shirou. Why did he have to lose Ryuuji too?

He didn’t want to make Ryuuji upset but he couldn’t make his tail move. The anger hurt but not as much as the thought of letting him go. It didn’t matter if Ryuuji raged as long as he lived. Rin had been ready to leave forever at the mere thought of damning him. He’d bear the anger forever to keep Ryuuji safe. 

Ryuuji’s expression, frustrated and angry, shifted as Rin gazed up at him. The anger faded to be replaced by something gentle and sad. Ryuuji’s right hand moved to curl around the back of his head, uncaring of the blood and gore tangled there, to haul him close. He hid his face against Ryuuji’s neck and inhaled desperately at the spicy scent of his lover. 

“Hey,” Ryuuji murmured, lips brushing against Rin’s freakish ear, “I’ll see you when this is over. We’re almost done.” He pulled back enough to press his lips between Rin’s horns, ignoring the way they poked at his cheeks. “I’ll take care of things down here, you close that shit, ‘kay?”

Rin swallowed the sob and nodded. Ryuuji was strong. He’d survived so far. He had to trust him. They’d promised to meet on the other side of all this shit and Ryuuji never broke his promises. 

He watched Ryuuji unwind his tail as Yukio came over. He wrapped around his twin instead and watched Ryuuji take another step back. Yukio put the koma sword between them and guided Rin’s hand to the hilt. 

Karura’s wings spread over them and they were soaring to defeat their father.

* * *

Rin blamed the nausea on the foulness of the Gehenna gate and the amount of healing he’d had to do. Either that or he got air sick. Either one was a possibility in his mind. 

He landed to the ground with Yukio, his lips spreading in a grin despite the _horrible_ feeling churning his gut and squeezed his twin’s hand. There was still a battle raging down here but it was obvious True Cross was going to win this thing. 

They’d done it. Against all odds, they’d closed the gate and beaten Lucifer. Satan was, at least momentarily, sealed. Today could not be going better. 

He just had to find the others and finish rounding up the rest of the Illuminati. 

Yukio mumbled something and moved forward, tugging Rin along. He followed to keep him safe and _something_ in him really wanted to go in the same direction.

The churning in his stomach got worse with each step. 

_(Find him. FIND HIM!)_

Rin started to run towards the terrible feeling. He didn’t understand but he couldn't stop moving forward. There were so many bodies and the feeling just got worse. Bile was rising up his throat making it hard to breathe and focus. There was something ahead and-

Rin’s entire world stopped for a long second as he saw what had made Yukio move. 

It was Ryuuji. It was _Ryuuji’s_ broken body.

Ryuuji was laying on his back with his legs sprawled at a slightly awkward angle like he had fallen. His left arm was draped protectively across his chest and his right hand was clutching something. (Beads, a small part of his mind supplied.) There was blood everywhere. Ryuuji’s body was covered in it, red and black blood. The stench of demons was strong in the air and it made Rin choke to breathe it in but worse was the underlying scent of death.

Ryuuji wasn’t moving. His eyes were closed and his chest was entirely still. There was blood leaking out of his mouth in a dark trail.

Rin took a small step forward and didn’t register Yukio’s sharp inhale of shock at his side. He didn’t see Renzou dragging Shiemi through the crowd or Konekomaru leading Shura and Light. He didn’t see Izumo clearing a path with Juuzo and the Myōō Dharani. He didn’t see anything but Ryuuji and the pool of blood around his body.

The demon shot him forward and Rin could see everything now. All the wounds and the hole in Ryuuji’s side. There was so much blood and Ryuuji wasn’t moving at all. 

“Ryu?” he clutched Ryuuji’s blood coated hand (it was his blood! Ryuuji’s blood was _everywhere!)_

“Ryuuji?” 

There was no response. The eyes didn’t open, the mouth didn’t move. Nothing. Ryuuji wasn’t moving. Ryuuji wasn’t breathing.

Rin inhaled sharply because he couldn’t make sense of any of it and the bitter stench of death burned his nostrils. 

_(Ryuuji? NO!)_

Rin pulled Ryuuji’s bleeding body to his chest because Ryuuji weighed nothing to him. His entire body was cool to the touch. Ryuuji was always so wonderfully warm and this-this wasn’t him. This chill wasn’t right. Ryuuji’s touch was the comfort and safety of home and it was all gone.

This was death. Rin had felt it before and he couldn’t do anything. This wasn’t a thing he could tear apart or fight or burn. This wasn’t something he could out race. He could fight anything on this field-he’d taken out demon kings and his own father but he couldn’t stop this. All of the power in Gehenna and Assiah meant _nothing_ to this.

Rin bent over Ryuuji’s broken body with a violent sob that tore its way out of his throat. It wasn’t a human sound and he didn’t care. He couldn’t breathe around the sound and he couldn’t see anything but the red staining every inch of Ryuuji’s familiar face. He wasn’t warm. Ryuuji was always as steady and warm as a offering fire. He was life and safety and _vibrant._ He wasn’t this cold, unmoving, vacant thing. 

Ryuuji wasn’t this lifeless shell. Ryuuji wasn’t- he couldn’t be-

Gone. Ryuuji was gone and there wasn’t going to be a nirvana or a wedding or anything. No more hand to hold his and no more quiet chants to calm him to sleep. 

Searing tears streaked down his cheeks, evaporating in the flames that surrounded him. He screamed into the darkening night as he curled around Ryuuij’s unmoving body. His mate was utterly limp in his arms. He didn't lean into him like he always did. There was no reassuring caress, no studios gaze. Just the lax expression of death. 

"Ryuuji," he sobbed the garbled word and couldn't pull Ryuuji close enough, "you promised." His voice broke and the sob that tore out of his chest hurt but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

The demon screamed with rage and surged forward to take control. Rin _let_ him loose. They would all _burn_ . They would understand the meaning of pain, the same agony that was wrecking his own chest. He would shred them and only when they could no longer feel the agony would he grant them release of death. Nothing would stop him. They had taken his mate from him. Their lives could not even begin to repay that loss. He would drown himself in their blood until there was nothing left that could scream.

They had taken his Ryuuji from him. They had destroyed his body and cost Rin the beautiful soul. He hadn’t completed the bond and now he was _gone._ Forever.

The battle was still screaming around him. Voices and cries and shrieks and the collision of metal and the blasts of guns-they were all deafening and driving home the silence of Ryuuji and Rin was never going to hear him again. No more chants, no more whispered endearments, no more growled challenges. No more.

“RIN!” 

He didn’t recognize the voice through the rage and something wild in himself surged forward. They wanted his mate and Rin would never let them touch him. No one, _no one_ would touch him.

_(Family.)_

He held off the urge to attack as Yukio’s scent drifted over him. It was impossible to see through the tears and he couldn’t feel Ryuuji. The faint buzz of spiritual power, the heat of his body, the call to his soul. It was all _gone._

Yukio’s arm wrapped around his waist and hauled him back from Ryuuji’s body. He was relieved of the Koma sword and Yukio threw him in the opposite direction of Ryuuji. His twin moved between them like he could possibly stop Rin from reaching Ryuuji again. Like there was a force on this earth that could possibly hold Rin back.

“RIN!”

He snarled and dashed forward, claws spread and ready to slice through anything (not Yukio) that got between him and Ryuuji. 

“Hold him off!” Shura barked. More bodies appeared at her side. Light, Izumo, and three people he had never seen before who stank of earth and death. 

Mike and Uke appeared with a flurry of wind spirits and darted towards him while Shura sent a wave of ice at his feet. He dodged the attack, slicing through the nearest sylphs and charging forward. None of them mattered. All that mattered was Ryuuji’s body and the people who were crowding around him. 

_(Don’t hurt them. Get back to Ryuuji.)_

Light spoke two words and slashed his hand through the air defiantly. A shimmering shield of golden energy appeared between Rin and Ryuuji. He could just make out Shiemi through it. She had her hands on Ryuuji’s broken chest and something in him screamed in anger. Konekomaru and Renzou were kneeling beside her, chanting something as more shields appeared around Ryuuji.

The rage was all that was left. Rin rushed towards Ryuuji-he’d break the damned shield and Light-only to be blasted backwards by Shura.

“Settle down, kid!” 

“Rin!” 

He didn’t wait to hear what they wanted to say. He sent his fire forward. He would burn them away until he could reach his mate. He’d burn all of it. There would be nothing left of this ship. He’d send it all to hell.

Yukio shot in front of Shura and Izumo and took the hit of the flames. They burned uselessly around his body.

"RIN!"

It didn't matter. Rin charged forward with a roar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's probably two chapters of this story left.


	16. Chapter 16

Rin tried to leave the room but he couldn’t make his limbs listen. He stood up from his crouch beside Ryuuji and every fiber of his being screeched for him to drop right back down. He couldn’t check Ryuuji’s pulse from so far away.

He closed his eyes and it just made everything worse. He could feel the phantom trails of Ryuuji’s blood leaking between his fingers. He could taste the bitter poison and smell the stench of death. 

It was just there. Holding Ryuuji’s limp hand didn’t help. It was warmer but… Why wouldn't he wake up? Why did healing have to be so slow?

Rin pressed a kiss to the bruised knuckles. “I love you.” He said out loud even though it was too late to say it. Ryuuji couldn’t hear him and might never hear him again.

(He was alive. He was going to get better. He had to.)

Torako had told him to talk to Ryuuji. That he’d probably heal faster from hearing them around and okay. Yukio had added that it was a medical fact but… It felt like they were lying to make him less antsy.

It didn’t stop him from doing it.

“Renzou tried to make a jail break today. Kinzou caught him and lectured him for a solid hour. Konekomaru had to rescue him.” He laid back against the floor and intertwined his fingers with Ryuuji’s limp ones. It was amazing how different a hand could feel when it wasn’t holding you back. It didn’t seem like Ryuuji’s familiar hand anymore. The weight and warmth were too off.

Rin inflicted as much cheer as he could in his tone. His face felt stiff as he forced his lips up in a smile. “Izumo stole Shiemi away from Jeremiah for fifteen minutes with Konekomaru’s help. He’s a really great mastermind. It’s a good thing he’s on our side or we’d all be in trouble.” He laughed even though the noise hurt his chest. 

Rin turned Ryuuji’s hand over in his own and ran his fingers over the familiar lines of his palm. “They asked to see Yukio this morning. The Grigori. Shiemi had to attend and… I think. Well, I hope, they’re gonna let him go? I’m still upset at everything he did but-” He blew out a noisy breath and brought the hand to his cheek. It was warmer than it had been but it was still limp against his face. He missed the weight of Ryuuji’s hand cupping his face. It always felt so big and sturdy. It was something he could lean against for support.

Guilt and worry were a constant nauseating mess in his stomach. He could try and cook the anxiety away but he hated the thought of leaving this room when he didn’t have to.

They hadn’t had a chance to talk about the Yukio thing. He’d watched Ryuuji flinch when Yukio moved towards him and he hadn’t confronted his twin about pulling a gun on Ryuuji.

It didn’t seem real. He’d watched it happen a second time and that still seemed like something his fevered mind had made up. 

“I really want him to be okay.” Rin squirmed until his tail was free and it went straight to Ryuuji’s arm. He kept it from wrapping too tightly around his boyfriend. “Please don’t hate me for that.”

He didn’t think Ryuuji would hate him but he really didn’t want him hurt over it either. Yukio had pulled a _gun_ on him. Yukio had threatened him and hurt him and Rin hadn’t done anything about that.

Would Ryuuji hate him for not doing anything about it?

(He should have been faster. He could have saved Ryuuji if he’d just been faster.)

“Please wake up.” There was no response. The hand was still limp against his cheek. “Please-”

The door to Ryuuji’s bedroom slid open and three people slipped inside. He didn’t have to look to know it was Yukio, Izumo, and Konekomaru. It meant bandage changes would happen soon. Rin popped back up right and plastered on a smile that was probably too big.

“Hey guys! I was just telling Ryuuji about the day. Anything cool happen?”

“In the last fifteen minutes?” Izumo asked wryly. “No.” 

He resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at her. Ryuui would be proud. 

“Any changes?” Konekomaru took a seat next to him and peered at Ryuuji’s peacefully sleeping face. 

“No.” 

Yukio quietly passed him a bowl of soup he couldn’t possibly eat. “Relax, Rin. He’s healing.”

Healing sucked. It had been _days_ and Ryuuji wouldn’t wake up. He was still covered in endless injuries that wouldn’t go away no matter how much Karura healed him. 

“You should sleep if you’re not going to eat.” Yukio added when Rin didn’t move. 

“I can’t.” They’d moved Ryuuji while he’d been asleep. He wasn’t risking that again. He didn’t want to live through that panic a second time. 

“They’re not going to move him.” Konekomaru murmured as he reached up and brushed some of Ryuuji’s hair aside. “Besides, we’d wake you if they wanted to do anything or something changed.”

Izumo huffed out an irritated breath. “It’s the sleeping part he can’t do.” She motioned towards the bed. “Just lean against it and hold his wrist or something.”

Rin curled up on his side and wrapped his tail around Ryuuji’s wrist. He could feel the steady thump of Ryuuji’s pulse through it. He was alive. It wasn’t like Shirou. Ryuuji was still alive and healing.

Rin closed his eyes and inhaled as deeply as he could. Ryuuji’s spicy scent filled his lungs along with the familiar scents of his friends. The scents mixed with the sensation of the thumping pulse and they helped to ease up the twist of anxiety in his stomach. Eating wasn’t happening. He was nauseous and a little dizzy.

Kuro meowed unhappily and curled up against his side. 

_Rin? Is it still bad?_

He blew out a noisy breath and tried not to focus on the nausea. “No change.”

Kuro whined. _But it’s been days. Ryuuji never sleeps long._

He smiled weakly. Ryuuji never slept. Five am every day and regardless of when he went to bed. Rin could name three occasions when he’d slept later than that and it was baffling how his boyfriend managed to operate at all with so little sleep.

Maybe that’s why he was out. Maybe it was his body forcing him to recover from the lack of sleep. It made him feel guilty about how much time he spent asleep. 

(He wanted to give his healing to all of them. He’d rather they stayed safe and alive than himself.)

Rin flopped over on his back and glared at the ceiling. He needed to think of some joke. The air was too heavy and he _needed_ to make it better. He’d dragged them all through so much of this drama and-

“Hey,” Tatsuma’s cheerful voice rang through the air and Rin’s heart dropped, “how is everything going?”

He pried his eyes open and saw Tatsuma standing in the doorway with the bandage supplies. Rin released his grip on Ryuuji’s wrist and grit his jaw as the demon surged forward with a snarl. 

_(Don’t let him touch Ryuuji!)_

It wasn’t going to hurt Ryuuji. They had to change the bandages. It was going to help him heal. The scent of distress was just because the wounds were being jostled. Ryuuji wasn’t awake to feel any of the pain. (It didn’t matter how many times he repeated all that, it still made his stomach turn and anxiety shoot through his body.)

Rin’s teeth lengthened as he fought to maintain control. 

_Rin?_ Kuro nosed his shoulder and he realized he was leaking a few flames. 

“Hey, kid!” Shura’s overly loud voice burst through the room. She had her sword over her shoulder and a loose robe on. Her lips were spread in a stiff smile that made Rin think of Amori. He hated that particular fake expression.

He was going to be kicked out now. Tatsuma and Torako were endlessly patient with him. They’d sat beside him and allowed him to maintain a constant vigil over their son. They’d put up with his flame ups and anger and hadn’t been mean or impatient. 

They’d embraced his crazy. Just like Ryuuji they saw the demon parts and didn’t rebuff him. Ryuuji had his mom’s smile and his dad’s laugh. 

“Come on,” Shura motioned for him to get up, “stop pussy-footing around. We got practice.” She pointed her sword towards Yukio. “You too.” 

There was no point fighting it. They’d drag him out. Shura would use her charm if he fought her too hard and he’d rather be conscious and capable of getting back here quickly if Ryuuji needed him.

Rin shoved himself to his feet with a scowl. Kuro bound up onto his shoulder as Yukio stood. Tatsuma strode further into the room as Rin left and he resolutely did not look back. He had to do this so Ryuuji could heal.

_(You’re abandoning him.)_

He clenched his fist to keep from growling. No one should have to deal with this. The demon in him wanted to go back in that room and snarl pettily at anyone who dared get near Ryuuji. Instead they were going outside to do some stupid drills so he didn’t burst into flames and threaten his boyfriend’s parents. 

Kuro batted his ear. He jerked his head away from the paw and found Kuro wiggling his butt like he wanted to pounce. 

“What?”

 _Why don’t we play?_ The sidhe glanced at the mountain and kneaded Rin’s shoulders. _We could race up the mountain?_

Yeah, that wasn’t happening. Rin wasn’t going any further from Ryuuji than the backyard.

* * *

“God, stop, I can’t.” A raspy voice laughed and Rin’s entire body jerked. His heart beat hard in his chest and it was _impossible_ to draw in a breath.

That was Ryuuji’s voice and Ryuuji’s laugh. He’d recognize them both anywhere. The laugh was something he treasured and he’d listened to his chants on repeat since…

Since.

He had no idea who was the first at the door or who got it open. He was standing between Yukio and Konekomaru and he could feel the breath leaving his lungs as he gaped at the bedroom. Ryuuji was sitting up right with a mound of pillows at his back. Torako was kneeling beside him and feeding him something as he smiled and told her to stop making him laugh. Tatsuma was standing directly behind her, his lips spread in a huge smile and tears in his eyes.

Ryuuji was smiling and breathing and awake. Ryuuji was _alive._

“Ah,” Tatsuma murmured when he noticed their presence, “well give all of you a moment alone. There’s a lot to catch up on.” He extended a hand to Torako who rose gracefully and gave Ryuuji’s cheek one last caress before she exited.

Ryuuji leaned into the touch with a cheerful smile and that was when he seemed to properly recognize their presence. His eyes widened and the grin spread. 

Ryuuji’s eyes drank them in hungrily. His gaze stopped on Rin and the smile softened. “Hi,” he rasped and the scratchiness of his voice made Rin drop back in his body.

There were flames pouring off his shoulders and his chest was too tight to get a breath in. Something was whining and he was worried it might be him or it might be in his head. 

_(Claim him NOW.)_

Rin couldn’t move. Ryuuji was covered in bandages. He was alive and awake. He had almost died.

Konekomaru was kneeling next to him and Rin couldn’t make his body move into the room.

_(Complete the bond you useless coward! He’s ours! We’ll lose him again!)_

“You okay, Rin?” Ryuuji said his name softly like he always did and that was something Rin hadn’t paid enough attention to before. Ryuuji was gentle with his name. Ryuuji said his name like he loved him. He hadn’t realized you could caress a name before Ryuuji. 

Rin hadn’t thought he’d ever hear it again and now he couldn’t breathe. 

Ryuuji had _died._ Ryuuji had thrown himself into the battle and broken his promises and he’d _died._

Rin didn’t realize he was backing up until he was out of the room. The emotions were too big and the fear was rising. He couldn’t hold back the flames and he didn’t want to hurt Ryuuji. He couldn’t face it yet.

He dashed for the garden because he needed air. Ryuuji called after him with a cracked voice and Rin couldn’t stop. 

He collapsed next to an old tree that smelled a little like Shiemi and curled up in a ball with his head buried in his knees. His heart was galloping in his chest faster than when he'd been fending off Satan. His body had started shaking at some point and now it felt like he was going to vibrate his way across the grass.

He'd had a panic attack before and he recognized this as another one. The explosion of anxiety and fear in his chest was something that couldn't be forgotten.

Yukio found him just like he had during the first one.

"Oh, _Rin_."

"He was dead." Rin spluttered and god, he was gross. There were tears and snot all over his face and flames were coating his entire body like the patheticness of blubbering wasn't enough. "He died and I couldn't stop it." His voice broke and he buried it against his knees. The scrape of fabric was normally something that could ground him but now it just added to the over stimulation and panic.

Yukio plopped ungracefully next to him and tangled a hand in his hair.

More tears burned down his cheeks. There were too many sounds around and he could feel every blade of grass and it was too much with the mass of emotions pounding their way through his body.

"What do you need?" Yukio asked softly.

He couldn't think too form a real sentence. "Too much."

There was a shift of fabric and then Yukio's coat was draped over his head. It blocked out most of the light and muffled the sounds. It surrounded him with a familiar scent and it was so much better than everything else but it was still all too much.

Ryuuji had died. Ryuuji could die again. Rin could lose him at any moment and there was _nothing_ he could do to stop that. It didn't matter how strong he was, he couldn't keep Ryuuji alive.

They were all so fragile! Any of them could die at any moment and there was _nothing_ he could do to stop it.

"Ryuuji's alive and well on his way to a complete recovery." Yukio stated like he was just commenting on the color of the sky. Like it was just a common fact.

There was no way he could know. Yukio was one of the smartest people he’d ever met but even he couldn’t know it was going to be okay.

"I'm going to sit with you through this and when it's over, we're going to go back inside and he'll give you a hug. You two will be your obnoxiously affectionate selves and drive the rest of us crazy with PDA." Yukio's fingers dragged through his hair. They pulled just enough for Rin to focus on it over the poke of the grass and scratch of his clothes. "Izumo will tease you and the rest of the Myōō Dharani will join in. You'll go all mother-hen on him and what meals he eats and between you and Mrs. Suguro he'll recover quickly."

Rin sucked in a painful breath and blew it back out with a flare of flames. 

_(Get back to our mate, you useless human!)_

"Rin?" Konekomaru's soft voice drifted through the fog of panic and made his heart skip a frightened beat.

Rin pulled the flames in as much as he could. The screaming in his head had slowed slightly. "Ryuuji’s awake?" He couldn't keep the quiver out of his voice.

"Yes. He wants to see you. I think he's scared?"

Why would Ryuuji be scared about him? He wasn't the one that had fucking died. Well, not in that fight at least.

"Miwa," Yukio asked in the same tone he used in the classroom, "would you say that Mrs. Suguro and Master Suguro are protective?"

"Of Bon? Of course."

Rin could hear Yukio nodding. "So they wouldn't have left the room if there was any danger."

"Absolutely not."

Rin wasn't stupid enough to not know what Yukio was doing but he appreciated it all the same. The gentle tugs and reassuring words were making it so he could breathe again. At least enough that he could sit up.

“That’s good, Rin.” Yukio pulled his hand free of Rin’s hair and offered him a soft smile. “You don’t have to do anything. We’re just going to show Suguro that you’re alive because he was probably just as worried about you as you are about him.”

More terror immediately surged through his gut. What if he’d given Ryuuji another panic attack? That had happened before.

Shit. He was a failure. Ryuuji didn’t need to be stressing out or he wouldn’t heal as well. That was a thing, wasn’t it? 

He couldn’t stop his hands from shaking as they took him back to Ryuuij’s room and pushed him closer to the bed.

The sound of the door shutting felt _deafening._ He didn’t know what to say and he couldn’t look up at Ryuuji. He didn’t know _why_ but he was terrified to look. What if… what if it wasn’t real? What if Ryuuji was still dead on the floor and Rin had simply snapped?

The sharp scent of blood filtered through the air along with a pained grunt. Rin’s head snapped up to see Ryuuji trying to climb out of bed like an _idiot._

He sprang to Ryuuji’s side and caught him before he could fall to the floor. The demon growled in his mind as he noticed a tremble in Ryuuji’s limbs.

Rin gathered Ryuuji up (there were so many bandages!) and laid him back on the bed. His wrists looked thinner than they had been and his entire body seemed frail. His Ryuuji could hardly get out of a bed. He’d seen and drooled over Ryuuji lifting Konekomaru over his shoulder while wielding a bazooka. Ryuuji was strong and sturdy. He wasn’t Rin strong but he was incredible in his own right and now he could hardly stand.

The demon snarled for him to move forward and guard Ryuuji. His gums throbbed as his teeth grew longer while Ryuuji shifted further back on the bed. He wasn’t sure if the demon wanted him to bite and claim Ryuuji or tear an enemy apart. Probably both. 

Ryuuji’s hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged him closer. The touch was cooler than usual but so much warmer than it had been. “Stay?” 

The terror grew and he wanted to run away. He wanted to get away before something bad happened and he still couldn’t properly look at Ryuuji. If he looked it’d all come crashing down and Ryuuji would be dead again. 

He wasn’t strong enough to resist the pull though. He sat down. 

”What’s going on? Can you talk to me?” Ryuuji’s thumb brushed over his pulse in a mirror of what Rin did earlier. The contact was enough to loosen the vise in his chest so he could suck in a breath. Rin felt the shiver race through Ryuuji and he risked a glance. 

All he could see was the bandage stretched across Ryuuji’s forehead. There were goosebumps on his arm and Rin didn’t want that. His boyfriend shouldn’t be cold. He dropped his eyes again and hovered his hand over Ryuuji’s arms. He didn’t trust himself to use a full flame but he could heat him up.

_(Never hurt him.)_

That wasn’t strictly true, was it? He’d wanted to hurt Ryuuji before. He’d bitten him.

_(That’s not hurting.)_

Ryuuji laced their fingers together and the demon went quiet. The excess sounds and stimulation faded to a background buzz as Ryuuji's warmth seeped into his skin. He didn’t say anything, he just held Rin’s hand. 

Rin swallowed a painful lump of something down and hoped his voice held steady. “You almost died.” 

Ryuuji nodded slowly. “I-”

Tears filled Rin's eyes and he couldn’t hold the words back. “You- you were bleeding out. You promised and you almost died.”

He’d thought Ryuuji was dead. He’d held Ryuuji’s lifeless bodies in his arms and there hadn’t been a pulse. Blood had coated his fingers and stained the floor. He’d smelled the death clinging to Ryuuji. He had _died._

The fear was too big to ignore and he couldn’t stay still. Ryuuji was right there, brown eyes wide with shock and Rin couldn’t stay back. He surged forward and wrapped him up in a tight embrace and it was the best and worst because Ryuuji hugged him back but all Rin could notice was all of the damned bandages. They were everywhere he looked, a stark white against Ryuuji's darker complexion. It was something that belonged in a hospital and not on his active boyfriend.

Rin shoved his face against Ryuuji’s throat where his scent and pulse were strongest and the the tears were _everywhere._ They flooded down his cheeks and onto Ryuuji’s shoulder and the fresh bandages. 

“Shh,” Ryuuji murmured, running fingers through his hair and coaxing him closer, “I’ve got you.” His voice wasn’t as hoarse as it had been and he sounded almost like himself. “I’m here. I’m alive.” 

Rin was shaking and he couldn’t stop it. Ryuuji pulled him backwards until they were laying down and that didn’t help. His grip shifted and -without any warning-Rin was suddenly back on the ship. It was the same position he’d found Ryuuji in. Dead and covered in his own blood as he stated lifelessly at the sky.

The anger came before he could stop it. “You promised.” He snarled, features shifting as the demon surged forward. “You fucking _promised._ ” Ryuuji had promised. The aria had held Rin and whispered the promises over him. Rin had held onto those words when he couldn’t hang onto Ryuuji. He could feel his boyfriend’s arms wrap around his back with a solid weight. 

Ryuuji kissed his ear. “I know. I didn’t mean to-”

“No,” Rin shoved his boyfriend back and growled at him. He shouldn’t be struggling against him. He shouldn’t be moving and _lying._ “You promised you’d be alright!”

Ryuuji stared up at him with the slightest hint of a smile. “I’m alive, I’m here.” it was meant to be a reassurance but it just sounded like a lie.

Why was he smiling? Ryuuji had died and he was smiling as if it hadn’t happened. Their mate was covered in bandages and could barely move without hurting himself. It was wrong.

“Rin,” Ryuuji reached up for him and it wasn’t going to happen. Rin loved him too much to let him put himself in danger like that again. He would learn. Rin would make the lesson stick somehow. 

He got as close as he could without touching Ryuuji. “I told you to stay safe.” He snarled. “You’re _mine._ You’re not supposed to be hurt.” He bared his teeth as he spoke and flared with flames. It would hurt to see the fear return to Ryuuji's eyes but he couldn't let him leave this bed and die again.

Ryuuji reached up and brushed his fingers through Rin’s hair. His eyes traced Rin's face, taking in each demonic feature for what it was. Knuckles brushed over his sharp cheek, fingers ran over the curve of his ear, ignoring the flames and holding his gaze.

Ryuuji wasn’t afraid. Ryuuji had been mauled by demons until he _died_ and he wasn’t even slightly scared of Rin. There wasn’t a hint of fear in his scent. Rin’s fire was burning over his hands and across his body and Ryuuji still wasn’t scared. He was breathing steadily and watching Rin with damp brown eyes that Rin hadn’t thought he’d ever see again. Ryuuji was studying him. Ryuuji who had half the Bible memorized and could hold a shield against an immortal hydra was studying _Rin_.

“I’m here.” Ryuuji promised as his hand shifted to cup Rin’s cheek, “I’ve got you.” 

Rin snagged the hand on his cheek and brought it to his nose. Their mate was still so weak but..He could feel the steady pulse and the warm spice of Ryuuji filled his nose.

Ryuuji licked his lips. “Uh, Rin?” 

Rin’s stomach _burned_ with want. Ryuuji was alive and theirs. He could have him. He could claim him right here and Ryuuji would join him but-

 _Hurt him…_ Rin didn’t want to make him bleed again. 

His lips was still split even though it had scabbed over. Rin made him bleed every time he touched him. The human was right. He did hurt Ryuuji.

Rin didn’t notice he was drawing back until Ryuuji cupped his cheek again. “Hey,” he murmured, stroking his thumb over the skin and barely brushing against his lip, “Come here.”

Rin followed the luring hand and watched Ryuuji’s beautiful eyes slip close. Lips brushed against his featherlight and the fear in his chest twisted tight. Ryuuji held the pose steadily, breathing against his mouth, sharing Rin’s air with an intimate kind of trust that was terrifying to receive. 

Ryuuji’s hand wrapped around his and pulled it up until it was resting over his heart. Rin could feel each steady thump under his fingers. It was beating faster now. Why?

Oh-the kiss?

(He wasn’t hurting Ryuuji.)

Ryuuji shifted and moved his lips against Rin’s so the kiss became more than the gentle press. He could taste him like this, the wild spice and musk that was his lover. It was vibrant and perfect and he couldn’t keep his hands still. He wrapped his hand around Ryuuji’s arm (above the stupid bandages) and gripped him as tightly as he dared.

Ryuuji pulled back, eyes still closed for a long second and a hint of a smile on his soft lips. “Good.” he breathed, “Like that. Take it slow.” He squeezed Rin’s hip like he always did with the human. Rin wanted to sink into the warmth. “There’s no need to hurry yet. I’m not going anywhere.”

He had to look to make sure, but, “You’re not bleeding.”

Ryuuji nodded his head and the smile grew larger. “Yeah. Told you I’d teach you.”

He wanted to claim him. He wanted Ryuuji for his own but not at the cost of that smile and his vibrant soul. He wanted Ryuuji to always be Ryuuji.

He curled up next to him and kept his hand over Ryuuji’s steadily beating heart. He didn’t want to lose the feel of it just yet. Ryuuji’s hand slid up his back and pressed him closer, welcoming him to lay against his bruised and broken body. His scent deepened with contentment, his body relaxed against Rin’s and-

It was too much. The demon retreated and let the human have control again. He shifted his head so he could feel each gentle rise and fall of Ryuuji’s chest. The steady, unlabored breaths calmed him as he listened and felt them. The fear was still a tight knot in his chest but it wasn’t consuming. Not with Ryuuji like this. 

He pressed his lips against Ryuuji’s chest. “When I came back-after the gate-I thought you were dead.” 

“I know. I didn’t mean to scare ya.” He kissed the top of Rin’s head like he had a hundred different times. The familiar touch had become almost a sort of habit. Any serious or sweet talk tended to end with a kiss to the top of his head.

It was hard to swallow the lump in his throat away. “I get why you were upset now.” 

Ryuuji’s arm tightened its hold around him. “I didn’t want you to go through that.”

“I thought you wouldn’t wake up.” Rin curled his leg around Ryuuji’s calf. “I didn’t say I love you. I kept thinking about it over and over again. You said I love you so many times and I-I hadn’t said it back!” Why hadn’t he said it? He loved Ryuuji so much it scared him and he’d just smiled or kissed Ryuuji. He hadn’t said it back and he _knew_ how much it meant to hear the words. “I don’t know why-I just hadn’t.” He kissed Ryuuji’s face in a blind panic. “I do, I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it each time.”

“Hey,” Ryuuji shifted against him and brought his other arm up even though it had to hurt, “shh, I’m here. I’ve got ya.”

Rin tugged him closer with his legs. His hand slid down Ryuuji’s chest only to run into another bandage. Everything was bandage and Rin just wanted to wrap himself around Ryuuji and hold him close and safe and he could barely touch him.

“Fuck. You’re-I just want to hold you and-”

Ryuuji guided his hand up gently so it was draped around his upper chest. “You can hold me there. I’m not that breakable.”

Rin hid his face against Ryuuji’s neck. His scent was strongest there and he let it wash over him. It made him think of soft caresses and endless words that made him believe in himself and their future. There was still the sharp tang of blood in his nose. Ryuuji’s body felt so breakable against him. It hadn’t felt that way before. It had always felt steady and trustworthy.

Rin’s voice wavered as he spoke. “Promise?”

Ryuuji sucked in a sharp breath and held him closer. “I promise.”

Rin’s eyes slipped shut as Ryuuji pulled him in. He was a little broken but he was still here. They both were. They’d had a week from-or through-hell. They’d fought and stressed and they’d made it through. He had Ryuuji again and now came the fun part. Healing sucked but he’d _heal._ They all would and they could start on all the plans they’d made. They’d get all the licenses and graduate high school. Rin would get in a higher class and make everyone proud. Ryuuji would lead his people and separate from stupid True Cross. 

A loud rumble tore through the air and made Rin shoot upright. A few flames flared along his arms as he scanned the room for threats only to realize it was Ryuuji’s stomach.

That wasn’t going to fly. “Have you not eaten?” 

A blush spread over Ryuuji’s freckled cheeks. “Uh,” He lowered his eyes and motioned towards the bedside table. “I had some okayu.” The bowl was basically full. Ryuuji hadn’t eaten much if anything. He grabbed the bowl up and shuffled closer towards Ryuuji. Wrapping an arm around him, Rin lifted him up against the pillows and slipped closer. 

“Open up.” He ordered and scooped up some of the porridge. Ryuuji just blinked at him. 

He growled without quite meaning to. 

Ryuuji, without any warning, _laughed._ His gruff, loud, wonderful laugh rang through the air and Rin’s heart fluttered embarrassingly. His grip on the chopsticks slipped and the rice plopped back in the bowl. Ryuuji’s laugh got breathier- almost a giggle- and it was only Rin’s extreme belief that no one should skip meals that kept him from ditching the bowl and drinking the laughter straight from Ryuuji’s lips. 

He fed Ryuuji the rice and only stole a few kisses. There would be time for a lot more later.


	17. Epilogue

Rin had made Ryuuji three strands of beads in his life, and he was pretty sure this was going to be his favorite. 

Well… No. His favorite would always be the first one because he’d never seen Ryuuji’s careful control break so quickly and he wasn’t sure he’d ever been hugged like that before in his life. He would never forget the way Ryuuji had lunged forward, a little desperate, and wrapped him up like it was the only that could hold him together. Rin had been hugged in that desperate way a lot since then and it always made him giddy and grateful. Nothing would make you realize you were loved quicker than being held like that.

(He’d made Konekomaru bento boxes for a month when they got back to school as a thank you for the suggestion on the beads.)

They weren’t anything spectacular - none of the beads he made were - but they were exactly what he’d imagined making when Ryuuji had slipped the ring on his finger. The ring his _fiance_ had made especially for him.

That was the moment he realized he was spinning his ring around his finger again. He stopped the motion and gave his ring a quick look over to make sure it was still okay. It was fine. Ryuuji had given him a sturdy ring. He'd made it unburnable. No matter what happened, the ring wasn't going anywhere.

Rin ran his fingers over the ring again and smiled a little goofily.

Yukio’s head popped around the door. “Why are you still here?” His twin came into the room with a frown. “Don’t tell me _you_ are getting cold feet.”

Rin snorted. “Never! I can’t get cold feet.” Why would he get cold feet anyway? It was Ryuuji. He'd wanted to marry Ryuuji _forever._

Yukio shook his head. “You’ve been dating him for nearly a decade. You’re practically the two most married people I know.” 

“It’s not cold feet.” Rin would never be worried about marrying Ryuuji. He’d been waiting to get hitched with Ryuuji since his boyfriend had trailed gentle fingers over his cheek and confessed he wanted to get married. The entire thing had just been a long engagement as far as he was concerned. 

Yukio’s gaze softened as his eyes traveled to Rin’s hands. “Oh. Is that for Ryuuji?”

Rin passed the beads over to his twin to inspect. He felt a little silly about it because most of it wouldn’t mean anything to someone who wasn’t Ryuuji. It was meant for him. He was the only one who would get all the symbolism. The topaz, the verses, the Japanese rowan, the beads from the old bracelet and even a bead from his first rosary. It was all meant for Ryuuji. Word's weren't something Rin was especially good with so he was hoping this would say all the things he could never find a way to say.

Yukio's teal eyes shot up to him, something soft in his gaze. “Rin, did you make this?” 

There was a time when he would have been embarrassed to answer that question. That time had long since passed. Rin was an affectionate halfling and cuddling with Ryuuji was not something he’d ever sacrifice. It meant a _lot_ of teasing over the years which, on the positive side, meant he was hard to embarrass.

On the negative side, it meant his friends were appallingly good at coming up with new ways to make him blush.

“Yep. Found out the verses, wrote it out, hand strung it…” He fiddled with his ring again. “Think he’ll like it?”

Yukio snorted and passed the beads back to him. “If he doesn’t cry I’ll do all your paperwork for the next month.”

Rin’s tail wagged hard enough that his hips swung. He was going to _marry_ Ryuuji. In a matter of minutes he’d be walking towards his fiance for the last time. He’d leave this temple as a husband.

Ryuuji’s husband.

“Already flaming up?” 

Rin jumped and spun around to see Shura standing in the doorway with Shiemi beside her. She had a shit eating grin on her face where Shiemi was smiling softly. Yukio blushed at the sight of the young heir of Shemihaza and Rin found himself grinning even harder. His face was going to be sore by the end of the day.

“Can’t help it. It’s my wedding day.” Rin replied blithely and bounced across the room to wrap them both up in an excited hug. They were dressed in the traditional garb of the Myōō Dharani and it just made everything seem so much more real.

He was marrying Ryuuji. Finally!

“You look so handsome!” Shiemi gushed while Shura ruffled his hair. He tried to duck out of her reach but there was no point. 

“Enough of that. They’re ready. Grab your beads and come on.” Shura gave his hair one last tussle and leaned back against the wall while Rin dashed to grab the set of prayer beads. 

Yukio tugged on his arm and turned him around so they were facing. He gently fixed Rin’s hair with a pleased smile that made Rin feel a little like crying. Turning Rin’s hand over, Yukio dropped a rosary onto Rin’s palm.

“He’d be proud of you.” Yukio whispered. “Just like me.” 

That wasn’t fair. He’d already been fighting tears and now he was losing. There wasn’t any preparing for that kind of thing, especially when he was already emotional. Any memory of his dad made him feel teary. It was an ache that would never quite go away but it was a good kind of ache.

(Yukio had _remembered._ Rin hadn't thought he'd get a rosary but Yukio had remembered their dad's tradition.)

Rin ran his fingers over the rosary before looping it around his wrist so he could hold onto it during the ceremony. It'd give him something to hold onto if it got to be too much.

“Come on,” Shura caught them both around the neck despite how much taller Yukio was than her, and hauled them out of the room. Shiemi followed, her bright laughter filling the air and making Rin’s chest tight. 

He straightened up, smoothed his hair nervously, and promptly stopped thinking or breathing.

_Ryuuji._

He was standing there in the full robes of the Myōō Dharani with the vestiges of the Bocchan. He wore no jewelry besides the ring and beads Rin had gifted him and he was smiling - no, he was _beaming._ His brown eyes were locked on Rin and as irresistible as they’d always been. All the wildness of nature, the safety of home, the warmth of sunsets… A beautiful swirl of browns that would always be Ryuuji and always be his favorite.

He was beaming. Ryuuji was beaming at him and his fiance had never looked happier and Rin couldn’t _breathe._

The world around him was hazy - he couldn’t hear or see anything but Ryuuji’s radiant face - and he was moving without really realizing it. All the extra stimuli that always buzzed in his mind faded away as he moved towards Ryuuji.

“Rin,” Ryuuji breathed, his voice almost hoarse as Rin caught his hand. “You-” he swallowed and Rin suddenly realized his own face was hurting from how widely he was smiling, “You look amazing.” 

There was music playing. It trickled into his consciousness as he beamed up at his fiance, hand squeezing Ryuuji’s tightly enough to probably hurt but he couldn’t loosen the grip and Ryuuji was holding him just as tightly.

“Aw man.” Renzou sighed. “I knew I shoulda bet on the hall.” 

Konekomaru laughed. “Pay up.”

“Huh?” Ryuuji blinked and turned his head and Rin realized that Konekomaru and Renzou were standing behind him along with half the Myōō Dharani. Rin took a second to scrub at his eyes and pull his flames back in. 

“They bet on when Rin would cry.” Yukio answered casually like he wasn’t accepting a bundle of yen from Renzou as well. Ryuuji raised an eyebrow at him. “This? This was on the flames.” 

Rin blushed and stepped closer to Ryuuji. He wrapped both his hands around Ryuuji’s and pressed their entire arms together with a giddy, light feeling welling up in his chest. 

The music got louder which meant it was time. 

Tatsuma, Yaouzou, and Uwabami led them outside with the rest of the wedding party trailing behind. They entered the temple together and proceeded to the front. The very spot Ryuuji had chanted at a decade earlier and welcomed him into his past. They went to the altar and knelt together, still holding hands.

Tatsuma started the first sutra - Rin didn’t understand the words but he could see Ryuuji mouthing along with them, and the other priests joined in. The words washed over them both, blessings and prayers for peace, quiet murmurs with the occasional hitch in Tatsuma’s voice that made Rin’s eyes flood with tears until they were dripping down his cheeks. Ryuuji was still beaming beside him and Rin was almost dizzy with the force of love growing in his chest. 

He didn’t realize when the sutra readings ended but Ryuuji was suddenly turning towards him. Konekomaru passed Ryuuji the rings and ducked back to his seat with a large smile that made his eyes squint. 

Rin took Ryuuji's ring up. It felt heavy in his grip and he found it extremely hard to hold his hand still.

_Breathe._

“Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” Ryuuji slipped the smooth metal over Rin's finger, his own fingers trailing along Rin's skin to curl around his hand. Brushing his thumb over the ring, Ryuuji squeezed his hand and drew in a quiet breath. He held on for a moment longer before he released Rin and drew his hands back to his own lap.

Rin exhaled, his entire body was trembling in excitement.

He lined the ring up with Ryuuji's finger and met his eyes. “Take this ring," he breathed for Ryuuji's ear and Ryuuji's ears alone, "as a sign of my love and fidelity, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”   
Ryuuji exhaled and Rin slipped the ring on his finger. Tears welled in his Ryuuji's eyes as a look of astonishment drifted across his handsome features.

The world around him seemed to freeze in time as he lifted his gaze from the ring to Ryuuji’s face. His husband.

Ryuuji was _his_ husband.

He was Ryuuji’s. 

Ryuuji’s hand curled around his jaw and pulled him into their first kiss as _husbands_ -Rin had apparently missed the cue - and their lips pressed together.

It was everything it had always been and so much more. He could feel the glowing warmth of their bond-that happy hum in his mind that was Ryuuji- and it flared brighter than it had ever before. 

An echo? Ryuuji’s joy? Was that what he was feeling?

It didn’t matter. It mixed with the overwhelming delight flooding Rin’s entire body until he was certain there were flames shimmering over his body because there was no way to hold this feeling in. 

There never had been.

Ryuuji released him but stayed close a moment longer, sharing Rin’s breath in the most intimate way possible. His entire body felt buzzy with something too big to describe. They were married. There were difficulties and a lot of people might not recognize their marriage but it didn’t change the fact that it was real. Ryuuji was his husband and he was Ryuuji’s in every way possible.

Ryuuji released his hand and pulled out the prayer beads he’d made for Rin. They were the same wood as his ring - Japanese rowan - and he’d stained delicate characters on each bead. He could recognize a few from the opening lines of what Tatsuma had just read over them.

“I love you.” Ryuuji murmured for him alone to hear as he slipped the beads over Rin’s wrist.

His own hand shook as he put the beads on Ryuuji’s wrist but it was worth it all for the tears that filled Ryuuji’s eyes. He kissed him again even though he wasn’t supposed to.

The incense was lit and the ceremony was over. They rose up with the rest of their friends and family (!!! Ryuuji’s family was _his_ family now!!!) and left the temple.

* * *

Rin should have expected it, but _god_ the teasing was wild. Granted, he’d given most of these people almost a decade of material to work with. They were blushing and embarrassed and laughing and he kept falling against Ryuuji who simply wrapped an arm around him and grinned while he blushed redder than a tomato. 

Somehow he remembered almost none of the feast outside of that. Just Ryuuji’s smile, Ryuuji’s hand brushing against his when he passed him a cup, Yukio’s eyes filling with tears during his speech, his friends laughter mingling together, Torako and Tatsuma pulling him into an embrace and calling him _son._

They slipped away after the formal reception, the cram group - Rin would always think of them as the cram group - and went for drinks and dancing. 

His _husband’s_ arms wrapped around him and pulled him nearer. He looped his own arms around Ryuuji’s neck and pressed as close as he could. 

“You’re glowing.” Ryuuji whispered against his ear. He could feel the brush of his husband’s lips and he couldn’t stop a shiver. 

“Can’t help it.” His tail coiled itself around the arm Ryuuji had on his waist to hold him in place. “See, I just got married.”

“Hmm,” Ryuuji tilted his head so Rin could feel every movement of his lips, “must be a lucky guy. He got a hell of a catch.”

Rin buried his face in Ryuuji’s chest to try and get control of his grin and flames. He was mildly successful on the flames and a _complete_ failure on the smile. 

He didn’t want to pull back so he just tilted his head so his cheek was pressed against Ryuuji’s chest - he could hear the thumping of his heart and it would always be one of his favorite sounds - and watched his friend’s dancing and laughing around him. 

Yukio was chatting with Renzou and Konekomaru while Shiemi and Izumo showed off their dance skills and gained the attention of several guys and girls around. Shura was ordering a round for everyone at the bar, and he could hear her laughter over everything. Yukio snorted at something Renzou said and almost choked on his drink. Konekomaru hid his own smile behind his glass and Rin’s heart squeezed painfully. He was blessed. So deliriously blessed. 

He could feel Ryuuji watching him and it made him feel almost shy. There was a naked adoration in that gaze that was a lot to have focused on only him.

“You’ve gotten a lot better since that first dance.” Rin mumbled just because he objected to silence at the moment.

“Had a good teacher.”

“Hmm?”

Ryuuji’s hand slipped up a little so it was against the small of his back. He dipped Rin without caring that there were people everywhere and Rin had to work _hard_ to keep from igniting once more. 

“My husband.” Ryuuji answered and kissed him. It was barely more than a peck but it made him embarrassingly breathless.

Husband. 

_Husband._

Gah! He was never going to get tired of thinking or saying it. Ryuuji had grabbed his hand and joined their lives together. He chose _Rin_ to marry despite, well, everything. He'd seen him at his utter worst, when he was possessed and fractured and fending off half of gehenna and still chosen him.

Ryuuji straightened him back up and Rin immediately wrapped him close again. “My husband,” he murmured because the feelings were just too big to stay inside, “you’re _my_ husband.” 

Ryuuji’s smile broadened until his eyes were crinkling at the corners. “Yep.”

Rin pressed his grin against Ryuuji’s shoulder and swayed with him until the music changed and Izumo and Shura cut in for a dance. 

* * *

Rin was going to make Shura whatever she wanted and cover any paperwork she’d have for the next month. He was back at the temple and he still had _hours_ left of their anniversary. 

He got a few knowing looks from some of the older temple members, and huge smiles from the younger ones. Renzou wiggled his eyebrows suggestively while Konekomaru nodded approvingly. 

Their house was empty which meant he had timed everything correctly and his husband was about to start the evening prayers. He had just enough time to get dressed and join Ryuuji.

It took slightly longer to don the formal robes and all their accompanying vestiges but it was so going to be worth it because they always made Ryuuji a little crazy. 

Rin was wild about crazy Ryuuji. 

He finished with the kashaya and went to the mirror to see how it all looked. The robes were straight - which was something he always struggled with - and it looked good. He looked older and almost dignified. He never pulled this look off as well as Ryuuji (Rin was a little biased but Ryuuji was hot) but he liked it. The colors looked nice with him and his white hair didn’t look out of place. Ryuuji had even tweaked the uniform specifically to include more blue and red so it would ‘bring out Rin’s eyes’ and Ryuuji had been right. It did make his eyes pop. 

He liked it.

Rin looked happy and he _liked_ it. There was a time when he never thought he’d get there but he had and he was so _happy._

Ryuuji was waiting in the temple with their family and Rin had no reason to still be here by himself.

He left their house, tail wagging wildly through the air, and traipsed through the temple grounds until he reached the main temple. Family and home was on the other side, just waiting for him.

Sliding the door open, he peered inside and saw Ryuuji kneeling in front of the altar with the kids sitting a few feet behind and trying to join in on the chants. Shirou was getting every word correct while Miho was stumbling through a few. Kimura was mostly just repeating the same word over and over. 

The chant ended and Ryuuji shifted. 

“Kinzou said we could watch.” Shirou insisted. Rin slipped into the temple and shut the door behind himself. 

“Did he now?” Rin could _hear_ the smile in Ryuuji’s voice and that wasn’t fair. There was no way he’d stay back after that. Being quiet was all he could hope for and even that was too much.

Ryuuji started up the second chant as Rin tiptoed down the aisle. The children beamed as he passed - Miho barely covered Kimura’s mouth before she could squeal and give him away. He grinned back at them and put a finger over his lips in the ‘quiet’ signal. Shirou nodded with a toothy grin. 

He reached Ryuuji and curled a hand around his neck while he lowered next to him. He felt his husband’s breath hitch under the light touch and caught the exact moment Ryuuji realized he was back.

It twisted his heart in the best ways to see that smile spread across Ryuuji’s handsome face.

Ryuuji _stuttered_ on the chant and Rin’s stomach flared with a sudden, hot, want. He’d just broke Ryuuji’s concentration and holy shit, that would always mess with Rin. It had only been a week but he had _missed_ Ryuuji so much. He’d missed them all. He hated leaving his family even though he knew he was the best one for that mission. There was never a part of him that was okay with leaving his family alone and unprotected. They weren’t unprotected. The Myōō Dharani would keep them safe and Ryuuji was a hell of a force to be reckoned with.

Didn’t make him worry any less and didn’t make him any less upset that Kinzou had sent him on a mission _during his anniversary._

He was a little upset he’d missed Ryuuji’s reaction to that. He bet it had been a sight to behold. Ryuuji could be scary when he got upset. He'd practically crackle with spiritual power and his deep voice would take on a harsh edge that could make anyone sit up straight and hope they weren't the one being called out. (Rin would always find it _so_ hot.)

They finished the last chant together, all their voices mingling as the final words were spoken. Rin bowed down to offer his blessing and popped right back up to find Ryuuji giving him _that_ smile. The ‘I love you so much and I can’t contain it’ smile that was probably Rin’s favorite. It was open and honest, unguarded and only given to a few of the people closest to Ryuuji.

Rin wiggled his eyebrows because if he didn’t he was tackling his husband and he knew that was a no-no. “It’s not disrespectful to kiss you in here, is it?”

Ryuuji laughed fondly, eyes crinkling around the corners and deep chuckle rumbling through his chest. Ryuuji’s laugh always made something wild and giddy unfurl in Rin’s chest. It was a hard sound to draw out and Rin treasured each and every single occurrence. His husband stood up while their children darted towards the altar with their own giddy laughs filling the air. Ryuuji hauled Rin up and pulled him right into a warm, encompassing embrace.

Rin was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that for this final chapter I'd cover the wedding since I didn't touch on it in Between the Shadow and the Soul. The wedding was mostly a traditional Japanese Buddhist wedding, with the inclusion of the ring exchange and oath from Catholic weddings. I figured it'd be a nice way to combine their heritages.
> 
> I can hardly believe I've finished this story. This series is something I'm really happy with and I cannot thank you all enough for taking the time to read my numerous ramblings. You've all made me a braver writer and it's been such a joy to share my work with each of you. Thank you to everyone who left a comment, who reached out to chat, or who recommended this series to someone. You've all left me speechless and so grateful.
> 
> I hope to see you in my next story <3
> 
> Love,  
> TongueTiedRaven


End file.
